To Sleep Or Not To Sleep?

Have you noticed how hard it is to get some decent shut eye lately? Insomnia seems to have taken over everyone's nights. Or is it just me? I can't get more than an hour before waking up, lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, pacing the floor, wearing out the treads in the carpet, going back to bed, start the cycle over again. This has been going on for more than 3 years. It's no wonder that I have dark circles under my eyes.

This started in 2019, when I became homeless. When you're on the street, you pretty much have to sleep with one eye open, being aware of everything going on around you, making sure no one will steal what little belongings you have. All I had was a small purse to hold whatever spare change I could get from panhandling, my cell phone and charger, and to use it as a pillow for sleeping. My "home" on the street was a bus stop shelter, so of course during the day there would be people coming and going, oblivious to the fact that I was living there. But during the nights when I would be cold and alone, I would huddle up with my purse and keep my eyes open. This must have been when I lost the ability to get some real sleep.

I have my own apartment now, and a nice comfortable bed to sleep in. But this lack of sleep remains a huge problem. I've thought many times of seeing a doctor but what could they do to help? Some kind of prescription sleep aid? All I know is I'm always exhausted, don't know what to do about anything. If anyone out there has some advice, please tell me. I'm desperate.

In case you're wondering why I became homeless in the first place, here's the deal. I met someone online and I left my home to be with him. It was definitely a stupid decision as it nearly cost me my life. But in the long run, everything worked out. We got married in 2020 and we share the same apartment. But I believe being homeless has done its damage. Not only to my ability to get a good night's sleep, but it has caused PTSD and other mental issues. But only my therapist can help me with that. Or maybe writing something about it will help as well. Blogging, writing, generally pouring my heart out onto a sheet of paper, typing endless words onto my computer screen helps me feel sleepy as well. But yet once I've finished typing and attempt to lay my head down, I'm staring up at the ceiling again. Methinks Mr. Sandman is avoiding me at all costs.

Short stories about long stories. Sounds good to me. Once I begin writing some real stories, fiction and non-fiction or whatever comes to mind first, I might actually write something that will put me to sleep. Like this article for instance. It's making me want to type a bunch of Z's on the screen LOL!

Counting sheep. Listening to music. Reading. Thinking. Closing eyes, but barely sleeping. Ahh what to do? Dreaming sounds like a beautiful thing right about now. I'd like to drift away on a cloud. Take me to a faraway place where I can release the stresses of the day. Find some inner peace. Swim in an eternal ocean of serenity. Perhaps my father is there, too. He has been sleeping for nearly 44 years.

That's for another story. Another day, when I wake up once again. If I sleep at all...