This is how to be Vulnerable

Vulnerability, what is it?

Let’s talk about both, being vulnerable in everyday life and how you can be vulnerable if you're stuck at home during a pandemic.

Being vulnerable can be tough. I should know, I used to struggle with it every day, hell I still struggle with it now. I'm not talking about physically (I can't discuss personal ways you may feel physically vulnerable), I'm talking about being mentally vulnerable. The internal experience everyone in the world goes through.

Vulnerability is the core of many emotions and the way to achieve our true potential.

The idea of revealing your true self to others, not the self that you feel society wants to see, but the self that you truly want people to know. It is a concept that for many is daunting and for some almost paralyzing.

I mean the number of times I’ve gone through FOMO when it came to a social event. Not because I had other more important things to do (like washing my hair or cutting my toenails). I would tell people I’d made other important plans that I couldn’t get out of when really I was just watching Netflix and eating nachos. Social situations scare me.

How does it work?

See when we spend all day chasing the thought of being perfect and never feeling weakness, we ruin the chance of creating great relationships and situations that we may never get back.

It’s like we’re being complacent with our all too precious time, denying ourselves the opportunity to contribute to situations with the unique input that only we can personally make.

Feeling vulnerable may not feel like a positive experience, but it certainly isn't a negative one. It is simply just a feeling, an emotion. To believe then that feeling vulnerable is a sign of weakness is to believe then that feeling anything at all is weakness.

The reason why we often feel like rejecting vulnerability is because we have associated it with fear, grief, sadness, and disappointment. Feelings we’ve been led to believe we can’t discuss.

How to deal with it?

As Professor Brene Brown says - ‘In actual fact, opening up makes way for the emotions we yearn for, like joy, love, creativity and belonging’.

I know that in the past I would always hold back on saying how I was feeling with friends and family. I used to just end up either saying something stupid or not saying anything at all. It’s like you may as well just completely be yourself and only have a select few people want you for who you are, then be someone you’re not and a large number of people not truly know you at all.

Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; It’s engaging. It’s being all in. I may go to that social event and have an awful time, but what if the complete opposite happens and I end up having the best time of my life. I make new friends, meet the person of my dreams, or just make some awesome memories I’ll look back on forever.

Now get out there and dare greatly my friends. Chase that dream, achieve those goals, speak to that ‘special person’. For you may get your heartbroken, but if you don't put your whole self out there, then you'll always wonder 'what if', instead of asking 'what next'.

The result:

We may not have the courage to throw ourselves all in, but if we can just show up without any guarantee of an outcome, then we’re on the right path to succeed with the connection, belonging, and purpose we so strongly desire.

For once you have bared it all and come out on the other side, then those experiences we long for like trust, acceptance, and purpose will flourish.

Dealing with Isolation:

I understand all of that sounds great when you could get outside of your homes, but what can you do right now with a global crisis, when you’re stuck staying inside.

While there are some people who’re making themselves physically vulnerable to a pandemic, because they still have to leave the house for work, there are those of us who are now left at home.

It might now for some of us be working from home, sadly though for many others it’s led to becoming completely jobless and in some ways alone with nothing to do. Although the one thing that we all have in common is that life has certainly become a whole lot different, for example even if you may still be working, it can feel like your safety is now always at risk.

Humans are a social species, it’s part of our survival, and because of that science has shown that social isolation can have serious ramifications. It is a period research has called the third quarter, most commonly known from those living in submarines, space stations, and polar bunkers.

Now those same symptoms are affecting every generation that is at the moment going through what is termed ‘social disconnectedness’ and ‘perceived isolation’. This comes with many health problems, the most common is the stage of heightened anxiety and the second stage routinely marked by depression. This stems from as most people say, the feeling of loneliness.

Journalist James Purtill describes it as - We may now be entering the dreaded third quarter of hollow-eyed stares, odd fixations, and brooding resentment. Time grows sludgy. The days blur into the nights and the weekdays into the weekends. You've hidden the notifications from a recently downloaded exercise app and you're no longer telling people you'll learn Italian. You begin to suspect that your friends have their own Messenger group.

Now that we can’t be vulnerable socially out in a public setting, our best choice is to reach out to others digitally or from a distance with neighbors. Message or call your close friends and family to check-in, and of course let them all know how you’re doing. Better yet, form a social gathering online so the whole family or your friend group can join in wherever they’re around the world. Also, if you know you have a neighbor who may be stuck alone, yell over the fence and check in on how they’re doing.

This will continue our internal desire to stay connected. It is all about taking the leap to make contact, having the courage to reach out to others, instead of hoping others will contact you.

When we open up to those closest to us with vulnerable emotions, it allows for what we need most right now. Empathy, the understanding that we’re not alone in this, and with support, we can make it through. It gives us Hope, that this hard time isn’t going to last forever and we can once again live the life we love. It helps with Accountability, we can feel all this pressure that we suddenly now have to be extremely productive with our time, when it’s not the case and our relationships make us appreciate that. Finally, it gets us to a place of Authenticity, being present, living in the moment with conviction and confidence, and staying true to yourself.

So what do you say, are you going to have the courage to be vulnerable?