Things that suck (in my opinion)

If I could write about anything right now, I would be writing about something positive. But, to be honest, I'm not in that mood today. I'm just sitting in my room right now, drinking a smoothie and eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch while listening to Billie Eilish's idontwannabeyouanymore. But there's something that is on my mind that I can't get out, though I would do so much to get it out. I've tried watching my newest favorite show on Netflix, I went on a walk late yesterday, but nothing helped.

If you really wanna know what it is, here. I'm thinking about how annoying it is that my boyfriend is out doing great things in his life with his color guard team while I'm here, sitting in bed a having unrealistic fantasies about an acting career that I've barely even started. Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and I'm proud of him that he made that color guard team and now he'll be doing great things. But at the same time, that gives me less time to talk to him and more time for me to be sitting here doing absolutely nothing. I'm almost broke, I don't have a job, and I'm barely making it off of the unemployment money I receive from the government. But I'm so jealous of him that he's doing more with his life right now.

He's 19 years old, I'm 18, almost 19 coming this March. I just want to start having a good, productive life and start heading towards amazing, life-changing things. But I'm lazy and 100% not motivated to do anything. My boyfriend, I'm just going to refer to him by his name, Jayson, really wants me to try out for The Voice, hosted in California where he lives. And despite the fact that I know the auditions are pretty soon, I haven't done anything about it. I'm not terrible at singing, I took choir from fourth grade to senior year of high school and I had voice lessons for about a year and a half, but I know when I get in front of a camera, I get nervous to sing. My voice starts cracking, I start shaking, and overall, my performance isn't that good. So, Jayson, if you're reading this, that's the reason I haven't done anything about the audition you want me to do.

Here's the thing. I want to do something related to acting, whether it be joining an acting class, getting involved with a musical or play near my house, or anything of the sort. But the only thing I have going for me right now is the college I'm attending, NYU for the Performing Arts. I want to be on a stage or in front of a camera, acting and performing my heart out and doing something with my life. But no, I'm not. And it sucks, because my boyfriend is a whole country away practicing every Sunday for his color guard team that performs in February. He could be going to state's, which is pretty big, considering he thinks he's terrible. Maybe I should join color guard, if only I knew where I could join. I don't have a car and my friends are mostly busy, so that probably won't work. There is a theater near me, but I researched and found out that they're not having try-outs yet.

I've researched so many websites to try to find opportunities for someone who doesn't have much money, but there's almost nothing out there that isn't a scam or someone just looking to rob someone's life. The thing I would love to do is get casted by Netflix, but that's practically impossible right now. I'm not talented enough right now for that to happen, and I literally have no way for them to notice me for any audition, so that's out of the picture.

One last thing that I don't like too much is color guard. Yes, it looks kinda fun and not too bad of something I would do. But I just heard that they require you to shave because you're supposed to look nice and professional and I think that's a dumb rule. Like, what makes facial hair look so bad and unprofessional? With Jayson, I LOVE his facial hair, he look good, stunning, sexy and adorable with it. I hate it when he shaves for multiple reasons, being he looks exactly like his mom and that's weird, and he looks like a 14 year old, and that would get some weird looks from people. And he just told me that from February to April he has to shave for his color guard team. And, no offense to everyone out there who disagrees, but COLOR GUARD IS NOT A SPORT!!! Please prove me wrong, I would appreciate it.

That should conclude today's dumb little story. Again, I'm very boring, so there's no point in reading my stories, but thank you if you have. I really do appreciate it. And, if anyone wants, I can make an entire separate story about why color guard(in my opinion) isn't a sport and why men should be allowed to grow facial hair if they want. Until next time ;)