Things I Regret About My Relationship With My Late Mother – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is talking a little bit more about the passing of her mother who died in 2021 and some of the things she regrets now looking back on their time spent together. Chimamanda spoke very honestly and got very emotional while sharing, but the truth of what she says and its sheer honesty also teaches some important lessons that many of us can still learn from today as far as how to deal with and relate with loved ones who are still here with us.

Speaking about her mother's passing and some of the regrets she has, Chimamanda said:

CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE: The person who wrote "Purple Hibiscus" was young, but still the person who wrote "Half of a Yellow Sun." And in some ways also the person who wrote "Americanah." But today I am alone. I’m a person who looks at the world differently. I spoke to my mother the night before she died. She was fine; she went to mass. The next morning – my father’s birthday – she was gone. If somebody wrote that in a fiction class I was teaching, I’d be like, ‘No, this is too much.’

The time since has involved much self-reflection. There are things I regret; positions I took. [Can she name any? She clicks her tongue:] Not even so much the position as the how.

My mother and I were very close. But there are many times when I was short with her when I didn’t need to be. There’s a tendency for girls to do that with mothers. I wish we would stop. I want to tell all the girls in the world. I’m not saying, ‘Don’t express frustration.’ I’m just saying, take a step back and think, ‘Am I doing this with grace?’ [Was this in her teenage years?] No, older. When I was a teenager, I was equal opportunities horrible: I felt I knew everything, that my parents knew nothing. Sometimes, I would not be patient with her. I would be patient with my father. She saw the world a lot more clearly, as women often do.

Women go through a lot. I wish I could have done better. [She finds a tissue.] Lord, why did I start saying this? [She smiles.] My mother would not read everything I wrote, but she would tell everybody that it was wonderful.

Chimamanda says she was surprised by what a physical thing grief was, how she reacted in ways she could never have imagined – beating the ground; jumping on the spot.

CHIMAMANDA: If you had told me before that I would ever throw myself on the ground for anything, I would have rolled my eyes. I’m still thinking about how little I knew myself. That, I think, is really a big part of the new novel: the question of, ‘Do we know ourselves? Do we know other people? Can we?’ I think for me, reasonably, the answer is ‘no’.

What do you think of what Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie had to say? Let me know your thoughts by leaving a comment either below or on my Jide Okonjo Facebook post.

That's All.

I hope you’ve had fun. Don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter if you don’t already for more stories like this - collated every week and sent right to your inbox so you don't miss out on anything.

Also, if you want to earn money, I've made a free tutorial called FREE TUTORIAL: How I Earn Daily Side-Income Through Photo Editing (2025). Basically, in addition to blogging, I also make a side income through photo-editing work, so if you want to check out my tutorial on how I do that, click here.

To catch up on other content you might have missed, click here.

Until next time, have a wonderful rest of your day