They're Taking It!

THEY’RE TAKING IT!

A Funny Car Chase of a Different Kind

Since I had a rental car for the weekend, I decided to drive around to various car dealerships to look at cars I could possibly purchase. After all, I had not owned a vehicle in almost seven years. I combed through several different car flyers looking for dealerships with decent cars, as well as affordable prices. I found three located within less than a mile from each other; and less than 6 miles from the mall which I planned to shop at briefly before heading back home.

The first dealership was closed when I arrived. The second had already sold the particular car I wanted to check out. When I reached the third dealership, I was pleased to see that they carried many SUVs, and the prices seemed almost too reasonable for vehicles in such great shape. At least that was what I thought before getting a close-up look. As I entered the lot, a short, foreign man immediately came out of the small, white building and gestured his hands for me to go to the far right. When I obliged, he gave me a thumbs up. I instructed my children to remain in the vehicle until I returned. I got out of the car and was greeted by a tall, thin, young man, who, when he began speaking, eliminated all possibilities that he was of African-American descent as I concluded from his appearance.

“How can I help you Miss?” he inquired with an accent so heavy it could’ve weighed down his tongue. “I’m looking to buy a vehicle; an SUV in particular, and I was—...“ Before I could finish, he cut me off, “Oh, you’ve come to the right place then! We have whatever you need; and if we don’t have it here today, just come back next week because we get ‘em in every Wednesday.” “Every Wednesday?” I replied. “Yep, that’s what I said; every Wednesday we get new vehicles.” I didn’t know much about car dealerships, but I lived right down the street from one that got quite a lot of business; and even they didn’t get new cars every week. As a matter of fact, I recalled seeing the car delivery truck once a month if anything.

“Okay, well let me look around for a few minutes, and I’ll let you know if I see anything I’m interested in.” The young man anxiously replied, “Look over here! We have just what you need right here.” He walked over towards a white SUV. As I approached the vehicle I noticed a huge hole in the side near the back passenger door. “Oh, I don’t think so. This one has a hole in it,” I said. “I know, but it’s a great vehicle, and I think if you just test drive it you’re gonna love it.” As bad as I wanted my own vehicle, I did not want one with a hole in it. Who drives around with a big hole in the side of their car? The young man went on and on about the vehicle until I made it clear that I was not interested. As I continued to look around I noticed that almost every car on the lot had either a hole in the side, or painted over welding where a hole had been; and all of them were located in the exact same place on the vehicles as if it were some type of signature mark. When I questioned the man as to why, all he said was, “Well, they’re used cars, and used cars have to have something wrong with them; and just think, that’s the only thing wrong with them!” I wasn’t buying any of it – his poor explanation nor any of the vehicles. My mind immediately switched to investigation mode, which is why I decided to inquire as to when they would be getting more vehicles, and he quickly belted out with excitement, “Next Wednesday! We get new vehicles every Wednesday Miss.” “Really?” I thought to myself. It was mighty peculiar to me that the dealership a few doors away from where I lived sold much better vehicles, but their cars were delivered about once per month, if not longer. Therefore, how could this “dumpy” dealership possibly get their cars on a weekly basis? I walked around and pondered these thoughts for a few minutes before asking another question. “Where do you get your cars from?” The young fellow looked at me with the coldest, darkest stare he could muster up, walked right up to me, looked me right in the eyes and said, “We get our cars by any means necessary Miss. We will come to YOUR HOUSE and take your car if we have to…” Then he delivered a phony laugh and told me he was just playing, but I knew something was wrong with that picture. I knew there was no way I would purchase a vehicle from that lot so I instructed ‘The Mag 3’ to return to the rental car. The man bid me farewell then went inside the building. I drove off.

I had decided to stop at the mall because not only was it approximately five miles from where the shady dealership was located, but it was also on the way home. When I got to the mall I accidentally parked near the wrong exit and ended up having to walk through the entire mall just to get to my desired destination – a store called “The Shoe Dept.” Me and my children looked around until they found shoes fit for boys. I had my son sit and try on a few different pairs of sneakers until he looked up and said, “Hey Mom, aren’t those the same men from the place we just left?” I turned to see who was behind me. Sure enough, and to my surprise, standing near the checkout was the short, foreign looking man, and the young man from the car lot. I couldn’t believe it! “Are y’all following us?” I asked in amazement mixed in with a little fear. “Yeah,” said the young guy before grabbing a handful of candy bars and slamming them down on the checkout counter with what appeared to be a ten dollar bill. As soon as the cashier rang up the purchase, the two men exited the store immediately without saying another word.

Once again, I went into my investigative capabilities and questions began spinning in my mind as if it were a Rolodex. “Give me those shoes and hurry up and go over to the doorway, and tell me which way those men are headed,” I directed Higher Fire. He took the sneakers off and handed them to me, then scurried over to the shoe store entrance. I walked over to the cashier and asked how long me and my children had been inside the store before the two men entered. He told me only about 30 seconds. Once I heard that, my thoughts started racing even faster through my mind. I threw the shoes up on the counter and asked the clerk to hurry and ring up my purchase. He complied. My son then reported to me that the two men had headed in the exact same direction in which we came through the mall. I went into full panic mode. “OH MY GOSH! THEY CAME TO STEAL THE RENTAL CAR!” The clerk shouted, “OH MY GOD!” and I advised him to keep the change before exiting the store in a heaving rush.

I ran out of the shoe store as if it were on fire, and my children followed as I yelled to them, “COME ON, WE’VE GOTTA CATCH ‘EM!” I ran through the mall, pushing people out of my way as I approached the exit. When I was almost to the glass entrance doors I could see the two men outside in the parking lot. They were walking directly towards the area in which I had parked. “Oh no,” I thought, “What if they take the rental car? What am I gonna do?”

My children had been running so fast that they’d actually caught up to and passed right by me. 'The Lily'’ reached the doors first. As I got to the door, I saw the burnt orange vehicle pulling out of the parking spot where I was parked; so I thought. My son was in my way and I ended up shoving him aside as I cried out with a frantic voice, “THEY’RE TAKING IT! THEY’RE TAKING IT...” People stopped to watch as I ran through the doors shouting louder than ever. When I reached outside, I immediately noticed three things: (1) the burnt orange vehicle I saw leaving was not the rental car, it was a Buick Rendezvous; I had rented a Dodge Calibur, (2) the people in the car I was chasing were not the guys who had followed me and my children, and (3) even if they had taken the rental, the rental car place was directly across the street from the mall. All I would’ve had to do was walk across the street, report it, and have them call the police.

As soon as I noticed these things, I stopped in my tracks. I turned to look at my children and they were doubled over laughing. People were staring at me, and I was quite embarrassed. I ordered her kids to follow me to the car and they did, but they laughed hysterically all the way home. As I was driving home, I too had to laugh at myself.