The Wonderful Gift of Grieving Given with Someone’s Passing

Late last year, I lost someone very near and dear to me.

My immediate reaction was one of disbelief; how could this be?

It was followed by guilt — I should have done more, why didn’t I spend more time with her — which led to the profound realization that she was no longer here.

How would her partner cope without her and what could I do now to support him?

All classic events in the grieving process when you lose something or someone that you care about.

There always seems to be a predominance of guilt, which only reinforces we should live life to the fullest and have no regrets. When people are gone, it is too late to tell them how special they were or to do those things we were always going to do to help, but never got around to.

Coping with a loss is one of the most difficult emotions to deal with, and nobody can understand your grief or your grieving process.

Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance are described as the classic steps in the grieving process although they may not occur in that order or to the same extent fro different people.

It is personal, it should be personal. For some, it is quick; for others, it takes longer.

Grieving is always more difficult when a person's passing is sudden or unexpected. A car accident or a heart attack. Here today and gone tomorrow.

It is never an easy process to deal with. If someone has been chronically ill fro sometime with a debilitating condition, such as cancer, grief can be mixed with a sense of relief.

Accepting the person is not suffering anymore can provide some solace, although many would say this is shallow. The person is not here anymore. My loved one has gone and will not be coming back.

We may also try to put on a brave face and be stoic about the situation for the benefit of others. Protecting our children from the passing of their grandmother or grandfather.

I have grieved many times in the past. It is a feeling of loss and despair. A feeling of unfairness or even abandonment. On this occasion, someone pointed out something very special to me:

"Grieving is the final gift that someone shares, cherish it."

Initially I was offended!

How dare they presume to know how I felt or to tell me to cherish their passing.

Then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was right.

It is the final gift that that person who can no longer physically be with you shares.

A time to reflect on your relationship with them. The good times, times you share with them that have created memories that cannot be taken away from you. Perhaps even the bad times, when there was tension or things did not go quite to plan.

There is a kaleidoscope of emotions you shared with that person.

It is also a gift that prompts you to self-reflect and think about your mortality and situation. Perhaps you need to see someone sooner rather than later, or someone you need to call to bury a long-standing hatchet.

I will embrace this new sentiment and carry it forward in my life.

This single statement has given me a new perspective on death. It will not make it easier, but it justifies an otherwise difficult process. A process that we should try to embrace, not shy away from. Giving time to reflect, to grieve as an acceptance of that person's final gift is how we can repay their gift.

Till next time, thanks for reading my story,

Calvin