The White Book

One day Bill got home from his barista job and looked around his small apartment in frustration. “God, today was just the worst. In fact everyday is awful!” he screamed. “Every day I work myself to the bone just so I can barely scrape by. Then I endure a two hour trip through the shadiest part of the city just to get home to a dirty shithole. And! On top of that top, this whole goddamn building is two cracks away from being condemned! God damn it all!” Roaring with anger, he charged into the pile of clothes, books, food and paper in the middle of his living room. Venting his frustration, he grabbed whatever he could and threw them around randomly. In his mad dash he ended up power throwing a book against the wall. Focused on his task, he barely heard it slam. A sudden flash of light got his attention. Letting go of the pile, he stared at the book. It was laying open, emitting a bright column of green light from it's pages. Then the light faded and revealed a small figure. He was about two and a half feet high, with a mop of messy red hair spilling out from a small green cap. He had a red goatee and was smoking a pipe. He was wearing a green coat, green shorts, a white shirt, long white socks and pointed brown shoes. He stepped off the book and bowed. “Top of te morning to you, my name be Aesopaskin. May tis be a fine day for us all.”

For a moment Bill was too stunned to speak. “Are - are you a leprechaun?”

“Wat?” The figure was so surprised his pipe almost fell out. “Oh no, no. I be wat be called a lessonchaun.”

“What's a lessonchaun?”

“Wat? You naun know? Wy tis be in the book.” Aesopaskin turned behind him and sprayed a shot of green sparkles. The sparkles flew the book at Bill. Bill read the cover out loud . “All the Beings of Ireland and How to Summon them.”

“Aye dat be true. Now, wat be the reason I be called?”

Bill causally tossed the book aside. “I don't know. What do lessonchauns do?”

Aesopaskin walked over to Bill, taking the whole room in. “Aye see. Well, we lessonchauns be like te usual leprechauns. Only we gives lessons insta'd of casin' rainbows. So, wat's bin goin' trough your ead lat-lee?”

Bill sat down beside the pile. “I've just been so frustrated lately. It just feels like I'm almost at the verge of becoming someone, only for all the crap in my life to weigh me down. If only I didn't have to deal with it, then I'll finally start living the good life I deserve.”

“Aye see. Well now, if tat's true ten tis will help.” Aesopaskin clapped his hands. Suddenly a bright ball of light appeared before Bill. Mesmerized, Bill watched an object materialize out of the ball before it faded away. Bill grabbed it as it floated down toward him. It was a small white notebook.

“How will this help? It looks like an ordinary notebook to me.” Bill asked as he flipped through.

“Aye tat be no ordinary notebook. Anyting you write in dare will come true.”

“Really? I have to check this out.” Navigating his way through the mess, Bill managed to find a drawer and fish a pen out of it. He flipped over to the first page and wrote: my apartment is clean. As soon as he finished writing he felt a faint sensation; like someone simultaneously let out all the air and refilled it. He looked around his now clean apartment; all the clothes were in the closet or dresser, all the books were on bookshelves or propping up a table, all of the walls were free of stains. Bill wrote again: I will get $20,000. Again he felt the familiar feeling. He got out his phone to check his bank statement. Sure enough it read $20,000.53. Bill ecstatically ran up and hugged Aesopaskin. “This is great. Thank you.” He suddenly held Aesopaskin away from him. “Hold on. Usually in stories like these the main character falls victim to an ironic curse. What's the catch of using this book?”

“Aye dare be no catch. Just take care of te book and anything you want is yours. Just remember dis: anyting tat was gotten easily can be lost easily. You understand?”

Bill nodded yes.

“Well ten I got to be goin'. May all te sun sparkle your way.” Aesopaskin quietly dissolved into a mist of green sparkles floating in the air. The book opened and the sparkles flew in. The book closed itself after them.

Bill held his book in triumph. “This is great!” he yelled. “No more will I have to watch as life's pleasures slip through my fingers. Now it's time to get what I've earned.” He hurried to his sofa and set to work, writing down everything he ever wanted. Soon his hand started to cramp up so he took a break to check his progress. He could hardly believe his eyes.

Everything around him was a painful white glow. He quickly whipped up a pair of sunglasses to wear. Now able to see, he looked around. He was standing in an enormous hallway. He looked down at himself and saw that he was dressed in a pristine black suit made of a fine silk that almost glowed. The air was nicely sweetened with perfume. Rich tapestries and famous works of art hung on the walls. Fabulous crystals hanging from delicate chandeliers twinkled in the air.

Studying the walls and ceiling, Bill saw what was blinding him before. The entire hallway was lined in crystal that reflected and amplified the outside light. Seeing a window with open curtains, he went to it so he could shield his eyes from the sun. But when he saw what was outside, he was so mesmerized he forgot about his stinging eyeballs. The window overlooked a backyard filled with just about every piece of outdoor entertainment you could think of: golf courses, tennis courts, shooting galleries, track and field circuits, a circus, a swimming pool that could convert into a wave pool and a football field. Bill stood in front of the glass, watching as two teams played a practice match across the field's artificial turf.

The players on one team went into a huddle and Bill got a glimpse of the number on one of the jerseys. He instantly pulled him self away from the window and started running, shoving the notebook in his pocket.

“Holy smokes! 84 on a Chuttabagga Cassowarys jersey. I know that number. I have to see him! “ The number belonged to his hero Cory Kolumeberg aka the Coconut. Bill hurried down the hallway to find an exit.

Bill managed to find one and was soon outdoors. After taking a moment to get his bearings, he sped off to where he remembered the football field was. Barely paying attention to what was in front of him, he cut across various areas to reach his goal. Finally he saw the back of his hero sitting on a bench. His goal in sight, Bill focused only on the rapidly approaching 84. Eager to greet him, Bill called out. “Hey Coco-woah!”

What he didn't see in his mad rush was a sizable mud puddle created by having a wave pool right next to the track and field. Charging in headfirst, Bill slipped, lost his balance and flew headfirst into the mud. He pushed himself up, “A little fall isn't going to keep me from my destiny. Hey ... Coco?” As Bill watched, all the opulence and grandeur of the environment started fading away. As it all dissolved, his dirty old apartment started coming back in. Bill desperately tried to grab onto Kory, but all he got was an handful of smoke. Stunned and disappointed, Bill wondered what happened. Then he remembered the book. It wasn't on his person. Looking around, he saw it on the floor near him. He picked it up and gasped in shock: the notebook was now black with mud. “It must've flown out when I slipped.” Bill sighed.

“Aye tat it did.” confirmed a voice behind him.

Bill spun around in anger. “You!” He grabbed Aesopaskin and hoisted him above his head. “You did this! You took everything from me!”

“Aye did none of te sort.”

“Yes you did! You promised me riches and then took it away!”

“Nah. Aye only said tat if all ya need'd wa ta get away, then te book would elp you. Now did it?”

Still holding on, Bill lowered Aesopaskin to chest height. “No. It didn't. Everything I got just vanished.”

“Aye. Tat wat happens with sudd'in gains: tey be lost just as easily.”

“So what do I do then? Am I just supposed to deal with all this crap for the rest of my life?”

“Nah necessarily. If ya want ya life to stay better, ya ca't depend on a miracle.”

Bill set Aesopaskin down and sat down beside him. “So what do I do? What do you suggest?”

“Start wit a small change and kep at it. Wat's someting ya can do now?”

Bill looked around the room and spied the dirty laundry randomly strewn about. “I could pick up the dirty clothes and do laundry.”

“Now ya be tinking.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning. Bill did his laundry and sorted through the mess while Aesopaskin washed the dishes, dusted and vacuumed. It was almost night by the time they were done. Exhausted, they collapsed on the couch and admired the work they accomplished. “Wow.” Bill said in awe. “It's like a whole new apartment.”

“Aye it's much of an improvement.” agreed Aesopaskin. “So wat be your plan fo toma-row?”

“Hmm. Well I need to keep this up otherwise it'll get dirty again. I'm going to start using the laundry hampers and trash bins more.”

“Aye tat's a good start.”

“And my job sucks. I could get a new one but I don't have any skills.” Bill's head rolled back against the couch, before suddenly shooting back up. “I know. I could go back to school. I've wanted always wanted to take up a trade. But school's are expensive and I don't have any money.”

Bill's head rolled back against the couch once again. Aesopaskin got up and dusted himself off. “Well, it seems you know wat to do. I'm goin' to be leaving now.”

Bill sat up and hugged him. “Thanks. I'll never forget this.”

“Aye hope so. And about te scool, check your bank.”

Bill watched as Aesopaskin dissolved into a mist of green sparkles that twinkled before disappearing.

Bill got out his phone, wondering what the fae meant. He checked his bank statement and saw that the money he wished for earlier was still there. He laid back against the couch, satisfied with his life at last. “Man, tomorrow's going to be an awesome day.”