The Subtle Nuances Of Relationship Issues

People are hurting regarding relationship issues. Not just married people and couples that have been in a relationship for a long time. People are hurting due to nasty break-ups and divorces. In short, people need help with these intimate heart matters.

The numbers for divorce and break-ups rose during the pandemic. This is a clear indication that singles and couples are struggling to navigate properly relationship related issues. I believe, as the “Les Brown of Relationships,” that dealing with these issues is easier with belief in God, and with couples, both people wanting to save their union. One of the reasons for this is, that relationship issues can cause us to lose objectivity and the ability to critically observe our behavior. We hear it all the time on police dramas like Chicago PD, FBI, and Law and Order, when someone that an officer or detective is close to gets hurt or killed, someone will tell them, “You shouldn’t be on this case, you’re too close to it.”

Relationships are the same way. What’s being said is, that although the person is an excellent cop or detective, in this case, he or she won’t be able to view the evidence and circumstances objectively due to his or her personal connection to the victim. Intimate relationships fall into the same category. When we’re involved intimately with someone, and problems or a split take place, we’re unable to analyze the problems fully. Our feelings don’t allow us to extract all of the lessons, see the different wrinkles, and process all of the feelings associated with the events.

In other words, we’re too close to it. I addressed this issue in a previous podcast episode entitled: Intimate Relationships Have Layers. There are matters involving the relationship hidden in our subconscious it might take years for us the process without guidance. Subtle nuances we just can’t see because of our love and affection for the person we are in or were in an intimate relationship with. When I started dating, I would talk to my mother about all of my relationship issues. This is one of the reasons I love being a relationship coach. I had a great teacher.

My mom would address me not only from a logical standpoint, but she would also throw in spiritual principles to help me through the issues I was having with the girl or after the breakup. She was able to do this not only because of her experience but also because she had no personal attachment to my relationship other than I was her son. Therefore, she was able to analyze what I was telling her as an observer. Due to that, she was able to extract benefits and insights that I was unable to see. People that we are in intimate relationships with are not casual acquaintances. That person is the closest person to us at the time.

Think about it this way, we pillow talk with this person. All of us who have been in relationships know the intimacy and feelings that are exchanged during pillow talk. I didn’t even mention that we share sexual intimacy with one another. Who’s closer to us than that? Then, with some of us, you throw in living together and raising children. No one is closer. This is one of the reasons problems in a relationship make us angry, cause stress, and can lead to sadness and depression. We are so close to this person that they affect our hearts in various ways due to that closeness. If these issues aren’t addressed properly, they will definitely spill over into the other areas of our life. We may not even be aware of it, but it is inevitable.

The point of all this is, that we need to heal. We need to strengthen our unions, address the issues which caused the breakup or divorce, and free our hearts from all of the pain associated with these matters. It’s not necessarily about being able to love and be close to someone again. It can just be about healing our hearts so we can be the best version of ourselves.

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