The Story of Us

As I sat there staring up at the night sky all I could think was how it paled in comparison to my evening companion. Hell, I paled in comparison to her. It being my first date in quite a while, I had forgotten all the little easy things how to act, how to talk, and how to relax. I even forgot that I have more than half a brain. Seriously, for a moment it was like a switch was flipped and I went brain dead I wasn't used to not being the smartest person in the room. Living in New York you rarely get a good look at the stars so it was already apparent as we sat on Rockaway beach that tonight was going to be like no other a strong difference between a date and a DATE was slightly drawn in the sand and my life would be forever changed.

“This is amazing, I've never been to a beach at night are we going to get into trouble for this?” I asked with a little bit of panic and a little bit of adventure in my voice. But before I could get an answer, I am awakened to the sounds of garbage trucks and construction outside. I slowly opened my eyes to look at the time. it was only 6:00 AM and once again there was nothing to do and no reason to get out of bed. Not that I could have done it on my own anyway. Being bed bound sucked completely. The only things that truly brought me pleasure in life were things I needed to get up and out to do, but alas my poor legs were so large and weak that all of said things were just a distant memory. And as I laid there and tried to get back to sleep inventory was taken.

As a part of my daily inventory, I go back through all my past actions to see where it was that I did something to deserve to be in my current physical state. Then I yelled at God for a bit, because I couldn’t find any evidence and felt that if there were some, he should share it. We all know how God is though, he works in mysterious ways, or as I likes to say, “he’s just a mean kid with a magnifying glass on a sunny day, I am his ant, and the day is eternal.” I laughed out loud and screamed, “FUCK” hoping it was loud enough to wake everyone else in the house since I was awake. When no one came to my aid, I realized it was yet another failed attempt to make others as miserable as I was.

The Henny dream was a favorite. It was the one and only time I did something different. Everyone else wanted to go to see movies or sit in a loud bar or club being served overpriced, watered-down drinks. Not Henny, she wanted to break the law and sit on the beach. And though I was cool with that before seeing her, once I saw her, I was defeated. “Hustler,’ was our shared middle name. we both worked like dogs and as a result had to meet up in between shifts. There wasn’t a whole lot of talking because I was so busy with the night sky and my thoughts, and she seemed to be okay with that. If she, wasn’t she never indicated as much. Plus, I was a quiet one and she was already aware of that from our previous phone and text conversations. I’m pretty sure that if my silence were ever an issue, she would have mentioned it, but she never did. We both had checkered pasts and we both did a lot of silent reflecting. I always wondered if those few silent moments were appreciated by her as much as they were by me. I never thought to ask though, I didn’t want to come off as some sort of dork. And in my mind, we would have the rest of our lives to figure out if the feeling was mutual.

Alas, it was only a dream. She was no longer an option. We each married other people, and even lost contact. It had been years since we did so much as exchanged a greeting, even though I followed her a little closer than I should have on social media. I am talking straight up stalked her! Check her profile was the first thing I did almost every morning. It took everything in me not to send her a message, but the last thing I wanted to do was cause problems in her relationship. So, I did the only thing I could do, and watched her happy life unfold before my eyes. The soundtrack of my life after that first night on the beach became “Should’ve Kissed You” #12 on Chris Browns “F.A.M.E. album.” I didn’t even like Chris Brown, but that song spoke volumes to me.

It's okay though, she dodged a bullet with me. I wouldn’t wish me and my current situation on anyone. No one signs up to take care of someone for the rest of their lives. I should be off traveling and making the best of what little time I have left in the land of the living. Instead, I wake up every day that I get to sleep and lay here for hours until my wife gets up to either change me or my position or both. Still, that doesn’t stop me from checking in on her social media.