The Selfishness Of Monogamy

If you really loved me, you’d do…(fill in the blank)

When I think of monogamy, one word immediately comes to mind, and that word is…

I am a backpacker, a wanderer, a modern-day Ronin.

I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy being able to live my life on my terms, go where I want, and not be encumbered by the whims of others.

I like meeting “LIKE MINDS,” people who are all about growing and becoming their best versions.

A few days ago, I was in a hostel mix dorm room, and I was talking with this chick.

We talked about a myriad of topics and issues, ranging from what countries we have lived in, what states we visited, what we do for work, our goals, and aspirations, and what we look for in a relationship.

“Relationships should never be about giving another person their freedom, but in NOT taking that person’s freedom from them.”

She was a really cool chick!

We had talked nonstop for close to 4 hours, which just flew by.

I love conversations where you are so into the conversation and so into that person that you lose track of time.

I had mentioned to her that “relationships should never be about giving another person their freedom, but in NOT taking that person's freedom from them.”

She agreed, much to my surprise, but later it would make sense.

I told her I was a polyamorist and that a relationship should never take away anyone's freedom.

Yes, you have a connection, but a connection does not mean you have to cut off a major aspect of your life.

Sadly though, many people do this and have done this for centuries now.

She mentioned that she was also a polyamorist, which made sense as to why we vibed so well.

We had many similar ways of thinking and seeing the world.

And it was great to talk about my thoughts and have someone else see and understand my way of thinking.

See, I see monogamy as an antiquated way of being in a relationship.

Yes, some people are naturally monogamists.

Some people have no desire for sexual intimacy or even a platonic relationship.

And there are people like me, who like multiple LOVING partners.

Ad I think for many people, this is what turns them off and sees polyamorists as selfish and lustful — when in reality, we are so far apart from that.

Polyamory Is NOT Always About Sex

The thing about relationships in many people's minds, when it is between two opposite sexes, is that it is always, in the back of many people's minds, around sex.

We do this all the time.

Women know within the first 15 seconds if they would have sex with a guy, and guys…

But all joking aside, not all relationships between men and women have to be around sex.

And with polyamorists, it is NOT always about sex.

I might look to her for an emotional connection that is devoid of anything sexual.

Polyamory allows for so much freedom, but more so DEVELOPMENT of who I am as a person and who she is as a person.

I would never expect ONE PERSON to be my all.

It is insane to believe one person can be everything to you and you to them.

A child grows better by having TWO parents, NOT one parent.

At the beginning of this article, I started out saying, “When I think of monogamy, one word immediately comes to mind, and that word is…”

CONTROL!

Monogamy Is All About Control

Monogamy is not what Hollywood has made it out to be. It doesn't work for everybody.

And we KNOW this is true.

Look at divorce rates around the world.

Divorce is its own BUSINESS.

It is a $50 BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!!!

People have become millionaires by helping others get divorces.

But hey, it didn't work out because they “weren’t really THE ONE.”

And this leads to why monogamy is so F*CKING selfish!

This “The One” concept is what makes people so miserable in their relationships.

Because they have been so conditioned to believe that one person is supposed to be their:

• Rock
• Helper
• Adviser
• Confidant
• Savior
• Punching Bag
• Doctor
• Healer
• Lover
• Enemy
• Comedian
• Joke
• Mother
• Father
• EVERYTHING

When a person fails to be ALL of this to their partner, this is when the hatred starts to come.

A person can have many skills, but they can never, in the span of a human life, acquire ALL SKILLS.

You can find “The One” if you yourself have very little desire to grow and become more than you are.

If you are a person who wants to loaf around all day watching Netflix and do nothing to improve your life, then yes, you can find another person like that, and they may very well be your one.

But for people who want to improve and grow and learn, “The One” doesn't make sense because one person cannot teach you everything about life and your purpose here on earth.

Polyamory is about freedom and growth as a person.

Whereas monogamy is about CONTROL and keeping a person stuck the way they are or make them worst.

Toxic people love monogamy because they have someone they can control and manipulate.

Gaslighting is a huge issue in many monogamist relationships.

The inability to admit to your partner “I was wrong,” because it would give the other person a tally mark on their board of “who did who more wrong this week” makes no sense.

This is not to say that all monogamist relationships are like this or all polyamorist relationships are about acceptance.

But monogamy is very selfish, and it is seen as the moral relationship standard.

When it really isn't that ideal.

Constantly having to capitulate to the other side on things you don't want to in order to “keep the peace” doesn't seem like love.

Always having to make sure you never look at another girl or guy because you will make your partner feel less than (that is a deep-rooted level of insecurity on their part that you ENABLE when you do this) doesn't seem like love.

Telling a partner that they should be jealous when jealousy has gotten people KILLED doesn't seem like love.

Monogamy is by no means a selfless act of love; it is by all measure one of the most selfish acts of love masquerading as TRUE LOVE.

And I do believe monogamy is selfish.

A bird's life expectancy may be higher living in a cage, but I doubt any of us would call that living.

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