The Right One

I didn’t want to go. At least I didn’t want to go alone. It was one of those quick dating deals where you meet each guy for five minutes. I was thirty-five and thrust back into the dating system after the guy I thought was the “one” told me he had found his soul mate. I kept wondering why I wasn’t the soul mate—what made someone else better than me? I just wanted to stay at home in cozy pajamas on the couch watching Dateline and sipping a good glass of merlot.

My friend told me I needed to get out there again and arranged for us to attend the singles timed meet and greet. I was already in the parking lot when she called to tell me she couldn’t make it. I had paid twenty-five bucks to attend so I picked my sorry self up and dragged myself in.

Twenty guys and twenty ladies were paired up at long tables. It was over so fast it was like ripping off a band-aid. Five minutes is not a lot of time to meet twenty guys. Needless to say, after I was done I barely remembered one from the other. Although, I did remember Tom because he seemed a little on the angry side.

While he was getting up to go to the next table he said, “You’re the only one I like here. “Do you have any kids?”

I shook my head.

“Have you ever been married?”

I shook my head again.

“You’re the only yes here then,” he replied and walked away.

I took my chances and I put a plus sign next to his name on my card. The next day I got a couple of emails, but Tom’s was the most engaging: Hi Elle. I am really glad you said yes. I will assume you don’t remember who I am since it appeared your hands were full with a bunch of interested guys (I smiled; flattery is my soft spot). I only put yes on your number so it was easy for me to recall you (Charmer). You are a schoolteacher and a surfer. You asked in your profile to explain the perfect day. I will tell you a bit more about myself starting with the perfect day: Up at seven drive with buddies to the desert to ride dirt bikes. Take a power nap and still have time to paddle out for a glass off. Then dinner with my girl and cruise some stores before listening to some great live music. I like that day.

On my end it was an appealing scenario—I wanted to be that girl listening to great music with the guy I love.

It’s getting late but if you respond with your phone number I will be happy to call you. Hope to hear from you soon—Tom.

He sounded cute (but I couldn’t remember what he looked like) and that line—I like that day---struck a chord. I wrote him back and left my phone number .

“Hey Elle!” A voice sang out on the answering machine. “This is Tom.” His voice sounded cute, beachy, California twang. Could it be possible this is angry guy? He sounded so nice. I picked up and we decided to meet later that day at a mall.

“Elle?’ I turn around and feel my face fall. His voice is so welcoming, but I am clearly not physically attracted to him. It is not that he is bad looking but he is not my type.

“Hi Tom.” I fake a smile. Why am I so shallow? Why can’t I see beyond the physical aspect? One woman at the quick date told me that the physical aspect is all that guys notice. She said one guy looked at her and marked a minus sign. She used the remaining four minutes for a bathroom break.

“Hey there. It’s good to see you again. Where would you like to shop?”

We talk and I listen to his stories. I know I am not going to see him again so I am totally not nervous. At 6 pm Tom informs me he has a work meeting. It is strange, but the fact that I am cut off makes me want to hang out with him again.

I receive an email the next day: Howdy hot shopper. Had fun the other day, hope you did too. I’d like to see you again soon.

I write back, but as I hit send I think what am I doing? I don’t like him; okay I like him maybe as a friend. Am I bored?

I don’t know, but over the next few days we spend hours talking on the phone. This is what all the dating books tell you not to do, but I don’t like him so it doesn’t matter anyway. No big deal.

Days turn into weeks and we start seeing each other to work out and grab lunch or dinner. He sends charming emails to me. I realize I kind of like him. I’m actually a little scared. Can that actually be a relationship? Maybe I’m just flattered that someone is interested in me. Can I fall in love with someone I am still not physically attracted to? Can lasting love be tepid? I continue to answer his emails because it’s okay to flirt, isn’t it?

Tom came over a few times for dinner. Slowly, his angry persona fully came back. He didn’t like anything I made. Itseemed he tried to find things to fight about and sabotage the relationship. I wished I could just stand up to him and break it off.

I wished he didn’t mean anything to me, but he did. And I guess for him I was no longer important in his life. We went to a few boring dirt bike venues where I tried to be supportive, but the fun was for him. I sat in a beach chair to watch him vroom around the track. He complained about every payment he had to make: gas, admission and parking. He was Mr. Malcontent. We never went anywhere fun for both of us. I realized his perfect day was a fictional story or at least, I was never the girl in his scenario.

Eventually, the emails got shorter, the calls became fewer and with our schedules so busy I could feel it coming but I couldn’t break it off. I found myself trying to keep him interested so he would stay.

Finally, he called me one night and asked me to meet him. In an In-n-Out parking lot he told me it was over.

“I just need to say goodbye. I don’t want to waste my Saturday night!” he blurted out with malice. A muttered “Sorry” came after he saw the shock in my face.

It was the shock I needed. It was in that split second that I knew I was wasting my time. This was not a nice, charming guy.

I spent a few weekends staying in with cozy pajamas, Dateline and my glass of merlot. Sometimes my friends would join me and I realized I was having more fun than I ever did with Tom.

One Friday night I went to grab my bottle of merlot at a local winery. A man walking in at the same time opened the door for me. I noticed he was cute! I looked down at his hand. I noticed he was single! Suddenly my mind flashed to Tom and how horrible it had been. I kept walking.

I was looking at the bins of wine while the manager talked to the man who had opened the door for me.

“Hey Tanner! You playing tonight?”

Tanner nodded, “We’re the opening band for Aspex.”

“Wow—hitting the big time, huh?’

“Here’s hoping!” Tanner smiled and my knees buckled. Dimples, a mop of blond hair and deep blue eyes. Damn, he was hot!

By this time, I was at the counter with my bottle of choice to purchase. Tanner looked down at the label. “Um that one is okay, but if you like merlot there are some better choices.”

I was intrigued. “What would you recommend?”

“Would you like to try some at the bar?”

Yes I would! “Okay,” I said slowly, trying not to sound too eager to spend time with him.

Within minutes he had me sampling some of the best wines I had ever tasted. Even if I wasn’t physically attracted to him I would have found him really interesting. He was well traveled, played in a band and really knew about wine.

“How do you know so much about wine?” I asked.

“My grandparents own a vineyard in Napa. I’ve been learning about grapes from about the time I could eat them. I’m getting my double master’s degree in enology and viniculture right now at UCSD and my goal is to add some more products to the line of family choices.”

Dang! Cute, talented, smart.

As these thoughts were swimming around in my head he asked “What are you doing tonight?”

“Sitting here drinking wine with you.”

“After?”

“Go home with this bottle you recommended.”

“Wanna to see my band play? The venue is just a few blocks up the road. We can walk there.”

I nodded and we began our journey. At one point, I stumbled on the jagged sidewalk and he held my hand to catch me. It was like electricity. I shivered and he wrapped his jacket around me.

Watching him perform, he gazed over at me constantly and smiled. Enveloped in his jacket that smelled like him, I realized I was really happy. When his last song ended he said, “I’m hoping a really lovely lady will wait for me to come back out to the audience tonight. Do you think she should wait?” he asked the audience.

“Hell yes!” they shouted back.

“Then keep an eye on her!”

He pointed to me and left the stage. In about ten minutes he appeared and gazed down at me. “What did you think?”

“Amazing!” I replied with a grin.

He slipped his arms around my waist and we watched the next live band perform. It occurred to me I was the girl in the story, but it was no longer fictional because I was with the right guy.

As I leaned in to him he wrapped his arms around me and I felt like I had come home.