The Past 365

This girl I knew a year ago would be so proud of the woman I have become today. It's amazing what 365 days can do for someone. Those days can make or break you; it all depends on what you do with them. That girl had no idea that she had better days ahead of her. She didn't know that she was going to have a better life; one she's always hoped for.

She always dreamt of a life where she didn't have to constantly live in fear, be in a circumstance of conditional love, or habitually feel like her submission would get the best of her. This girl was used to getting hurt, or being lied to and manipulated, that she became that herself.

This is a girl I've known for almost 25 years now.

What a long time; what a journey it's been, and has yet to come.

When you watch a child grow, you learn how they manage and cope with different interactions. You get to watch their routine, their phases, their good days, and their bad days. When we watch everything around us grow, we tend to watch ourselves grow. We get hit with epiphanies that make us realize how much time has passed, having us reflect in a bitter-sweet way of awe. If you stayed in focus on your growth, even rapid growth can cause you to become ungrounded, or making you feel like you're living too fast because you don't have time to reflect.

This girl didn't know there was any different type of human behavior that walked this Earth besides the behavior she's held herself captive with for all this time. She always found herself in bad situations whether it was emotionally, mentally, or physically harmful.

I remember this night she cried to me, she wanted it all to stop. She felt the lowest she had ever been; rock bottom, if you will. She almost lost her life several times because of the pills and other controlled substances that temporarily took the pain away, but this night she felt more dead being alive. She wasn't living, she was just getting by.

She told me that she was handing her life over to God, not knowing, she was handing it over to herself. She had no idea that she was making the best decision for herself. She blindly freed herself from a karmic cycle.

Looking back to this girl, I wish she would've realized sooner, but all happens in Divine time.

She had gotten back in touch with her high school crush; she was fascinated by his journey, he was fascinated with her writing. She finally had someone to talk to who was as interesting as her interests. Little did she know that they were going to grow together, teach and learn from each other, live together, or even be madly in love with each other.

The girl that cried herself to sleep at night, if she even slept, and took everyone's shit, was finally free. No longer would she feel so low, unloved, and unwanted. No longer would she have to manipulate or pretend her way through a sticky situation. No longer would she giver herself the least amount of love possible, just so the people she gave the rest of her love to can abuse and destroy it.

In the next year of her journey, she will learn a very vital piece of information that would change her life forever.

And that it did.

I learned how to forgive and let go. I learned how to heal myself, and love myself at max capacity. I learned that I am everything, including a small part of the figure we identify as God; we all are. I learned through my life path number that my purpose is creation and destruction, my intuition is my trusty side-kick, the Law of Attraction and the power of manifestation is undeniably real.

I am no longer looking to escape a prison that I build for myself. I am no longer my worst enemy. I am finally happy to be experiencing this physical life. I am no longer hurting, or questioning my own value. I am being love the same way I love. My future has never looked so good. I'm glad that girl didn't give up; I'm glad she's still with me today, all healed up and ready for anything that comes her way.

She has ascended, and nobody really knows besides the love of her life. He has watched her bloom, cry, cope, and heal. She watched him the same. They watched each other grow together. Just like any other relationship, there were trials and tribulations or obstacles, which they overcame by intimately communicating and practiced patience.

Maktub, my love.

The next 365 days are going to be filled with growth, wealth in more than one way, an abundance of quality time, and lessons to learn. I will never have everything all figured out, but who really does?

If I could go back and tell my three year old self one piece of advice, I would tell her that she's a special spiritual being experiencing a physical life, don't let anyone restrict her from anything. Everything should be done in the name of love and gratitude. Don't ever give up.

I understand that everyone comes into your life for a reason, nine times out of ten there also in your life to teach you a lesson, good or bad. After you're aware in your enlightenment, when you look back on your past, you'll notice a pattern in the behavior of those around you. The same person will come into your life over and over again in different physical appearances until you learn the lesson.

Those who have not awakened spiritually yet will not understand, but right now the whole world is going through an awakening, and it's extremely beautiful.

If we are just spiritual beings experiencing a physical reality, if we all awaken and ascend, would that put us in a lucid reality? When you lucid dream, you are aware that you're dreaming, wouldn't this physical reality be the same thing, just at a more advanced understanding?

Little girl, you are now a young woman who has grown so much, and you will continue to grow. I am so proud of you. It's time you start unlocking your full potential.

Remain teachable, remain humble, remain to be yourself. Nothing can stand in the way or stop you but yourself. I love you and I cannot wait to see where you're headed! Never lose your light, remain true to yourself, and you will always win. Keep loving this man, he's the greatest thing that's happened to you.

As for your family, or your roots, don't mind how they come in and out of your life when it conveniences them, LIFE GETS BUSY. They still know you exist, they're just at a distance. Continue to express your love to them, as they are a part of your line of lessons. They will always love you. Now that you're a young adult, you can no longer blame them for the damage you just healed yourself from.

The past 365 days have been a wild ride, you've made it this far. I'm proud of you. I Love You.