The Paradox of "Chill": Why Relaxation Has Become Our Newest Source of Anxiety

In our modern pursuit of a "decent" life, the goalposts are constantly shifting.

In the workplace, our primary task is "emotional management." When we return to our hometowns, we are told to stop "internal emotional friction." And when we finally manage to take a trip to clear our heads, we find ourselves reflecting on why we lack a certain "sense of relaxation"—or what is currently trending in Chinese social media as Song-chi-gan (松弛感).

This latest wave of self-reflection was sparked by a viral post from a blogger who shared an incident at an airport. When a family’s luggage was rejected due to a procedural error, nobody exploded in anger. There was no finger-pointing or mutual blaming. Instead, they calmly handled the logistics and even began a relaxed discussion about what they should buy once they landed.

The comment sections were filled with a mix of awe and recognition. Many users shared stories of "explosive" mothers, "short-fused" fathers, or children throwing tantrums—the kind of high-stress family dynamics that many grew up with.

But as with any topic that goes viral, a healthy observation quickly transformed into a tangible form of anxiety. People began to wonder: If I can’t choose my family of origin, can I at least train myself to be a "relaxed" person?

Suddenly, social media was flooded with "soul-soothing" clichés: "Those who try too hard won't go far," "Lower your expectations, return to nature, and maintain your chill," and "Only by being unfettered and graceful can you live beautifully."

However, a closer look reveals a troubling trend: the burden of achieving this "effortless chill" seems to fall almost exclusively on women.

The Evolution of "Relaxation"

Until recently, the concept of "relaxation" was mostly reserved for celebrity PR. Icons like Shu Qi have had their entire careers linked to this term—a specific kind of grace that suggests they aren't trying too hard to stay relevant or beautiful. In the world of entertainment, "relaxation" was simply a synonym for a well-maintained face and a poised demeanor.

However, the definition shifted this year. It stopped being a "beauty" term and became a lifestyle philosophy.

Consider the intellectual Xu Zhiyuan. During a popular reality show, he did the opposite of what was expected. While other guests were "hustling" to complete tasks set by the production team, Xu spent his time wandering the village, chatting with locals, and doing only what he found meaningful.

In the past, this might have been labeled as "acting like a big shot" or being "uncooperative." Today, it is praised as "field-roaming"—a sign of a man who isn't bound by arbitrary rules.

Similarly, in various talent competitions, the most beloved contestants are often those who aren't "desperate" to win. They treat the stage as a job, not a life-or-death struggle. They are happy to be eliminated if it means they can go home and rest.

This persona is incredibly attractive. Who wouldn't want to receive praise while only putting in 20% effort?

The Villainization of the "Striver"

The rise of the "chill" aesthetic has a side effect: it makes those who try hard look "ugly."

The "Kings of Competition" (known as Juan Wang) are now viewed with a mix of pity and annoyance. Because they treat everything with deadly seriousness, they make everyone around them nervous. They return home exhausted, only to be mocked online as "corporate slaves" who don't know how to live.

Lately, it has become unfashionable to even mention your hard work or your struggles. It is as if being human now requires an innate knowledge of how to balance everything perfectly. If you show a bit too much effort or a hint of emotional instability, you risk being dismissed as "making a big deal out of nothing."

Is Relaxation Just a Luxury for the Privileged?

Not everyone is cheering for the "Relaxation Movement."

In recent television dramas, the characters who are criticized the most are often those who lack this "chill." They are the ones who work overtime, who suck up to their bosses, and who are obsessed with security—like buying an apartment.

But there is a reason these characters—and many real-life people—can't afford to be "relaxed." For those without a wealthy family or a massive safety net, "relaxation" is a luxury they simply cannot buy. If you are the first generation in your family to move to a big city, one mistake at work could mean losing your livelihood.

In this context, "relaxation" can feel like a new way to beautify "giving up" or "lying flat." It feels like a privilege masquerading as a personality trait.

There is also the issue of "performative relaxation." Just as people find "no-makeup makeup" frustrating because it requires a significant amount of effort to look like you haven't put in any effort, "performative chill" is equally draining.

If you aren't naturally relaxed, forcing yourself to look relaxed is just another task on an already overflowing to-do list.

The Bottom Line

True relaxation shouldn't be a social currency or a beauty standard. It shouldn't be another thing we "work hard" to achieve.

When we turn "being chill" into a competitive sport, we miss the point entirely. If someone is working hard because they have dreams to achieve or bills to pay, they shouldn't be shamed for their lack of "松弛感."

Ultimately, the most "relaxed" thing we can do is stop worrying about whether we look relaxed enough for the internet. Sometimes, life is stressful, effort is required, and it’s okay to show it. After all, there is nothing less relaxing than trying to prove to the world how relaxed you are.The Paradox of "Chill": Why Relaxation Has Become Our Newest Source of Anxiety

In our modern pursuit of a "decent" life, the goalposts are constantly shifting.

In the workplace, our primary task is "emotional management." When we return to our hometowns, we are told to stop "internal emotional friction." And when we finally manage to take a trip to clear our heads, we find ourselves reflecting on why we lack a certain "sense of relaxation"—or what is currently trending in Chinese social media as Song-chi-gan (松弛感).

This latest wave of self-reflection was sparked by a viral post from a blogger who shared an incident at an airport. When a family’s luggage was rejected due to a procedural error, nobody exploded in anger. There was no finger-pointing or mutual blaming. Instead, they calmly handled the logistics and even began a relaxed discussion about what they should buy once they landed.

The comment sections were filled with a mix of awe and recognition. Many users shared stories of "explosive" mothers, "short-fused" fathers, or children throwing tantrums—the kind of high-stress family dynamics that many grew up with.

But as with any topic that goes viral, a healthy observation quickly transformed into a tangible form of anxiety. People began to wonder: If I can’t choose my family of origin, can I at least train myself to be a "relaxed" person?

Suddenly, social media was flooded with "soul-soothing" clichés: "Those who try too hard won't go far," "Lower your expectations, return to nature, and maintain your chill," and "Only by being unfettered and graceful can you live beautifully."

However, a closer look reveals a troubling trend: the burden of achieving this "effortless chill" seems to fall almost exclusively on women.

The Evolution of "Relaxation"

Until recently, the concept of "relaxation" was mostly reserved for celebrity PR. Icons like Shu Qi have had their entire careers linked to this term—a specific kind of grace that suggests they aren't trying too hard to stay relevant or beautiful. In the world of entertainment, "relaxation" was simply a synonym for a well-maintained face and a poised demeanor.

However, the definition shifted this year. It stopped being a "beauty" term and became a lifestyle philosophy.

Consider the intellectual Xu Zhiyuan. During a popular reality show, he did the opposite of what was expected. While other guests were "hustling" to complete tasks set by the production team, Xu spent his time wandering the village, chatting with locals, and doing only what he found meaningful.

In the past, this might have been labeled as "acting like a big shot" or being "uncooperative." Today, it is praised as "field-roaming"—a sign of a man who isn't bound by arbitrary rules.

Similarly, in various talent competitions, the most beloved contestants are often those who aren't "desperate" to win. They treat the stage as a job, not a life-or-death struggle. They are happy to be eliminated if it means they can go home and rest.

This persona is incredibly attractive. Who wouldn't want to receive praise while only putting in 20% effort?

The Villainization of the "Striver"

The rise of the "chill" aesthetic has a side effect: it makes those who try hard look "ugly."

The "Kings of Competition" (known as Juan Wang) are now viewed with a mix of pity and annoyance. Because they treat everything with deadly seriousness, they make everyone around them nervous. They return home exhausted, only to be mocked online as "corporate slaves" who don't know how to live.

Lately, it has become unfashionable to even mention your hard work or your struggles. It is as if being human now requires an innate knowledge of how to balance everything perfectly. If you show a bit too much effort or a hint of emotional instability, you risk being dismissed as "making a big deal out of nothing."

Is Relaxation Just a Luxury for the Privileged?

Not everyone is cheering for the "Relaxation Movement."

In recent television dramas, the characters who are criticized the most are often those who lack this "chill." They are the ones who work overtime, who suck up to their bosses, and who are obsessed with security—like buying an apartment.

But there is a reason these characters—and many real-life people—can't afford to be "relaxed." For those without a wealthy family or a massive safety net, "relaxation" is a luxury they simply cannot buy. If you are the first generation in your family to move to a big city, one mistake at work could mean losing your livelihood.

In this context, "relaxation" can feel like a new way to beautify "giving up" or "lying flat." It feels like a privilege masquerading as a personality trait.

There is also the issue of "performative relaxation." Just as people find "no-makeup makeup" frustrating because it requires a significant amount of effort to look like you haven't put in any effort, "performative chill" is equally draining.

If you aren't naturally relaxed, forcing yourself to look relaxed is just another task on an already overflowing to-do list.

The Bottom Line

True relaxation shouldn't be a social currency or a beauty standard. It shouldn't be another thing we "work hard" to achieve.

When we turn "being chill" into a competitive sport, we miss the point entirely. If someone is working hard because they have dreams to achieve or bills to pay, they shouldn't be shamed for their lack of "松弛感."

Ultimately, the most "relaxed" thing we can do is stop worrying about whether we look relaxed enough for the internet. Sometimes, life is stressful, effort is required, and it’s okay to show it. After all, there is nothing less relaxing than trying to prove to the world how relaxed you are.