The Other Side of Pain

A car accident brought me to her. I, better than most, know all about life's ups and downs. The should ofs , and wish I hads. The truth of the matter is, life is literally what you make it. What you work towards, and how much you are willing to suffer to achieve your greatness. You can do anything but you gotta start. I admit that I knew this before I met her. Seeing Deb though in her element, listening to the words she carefully considered and spoke, I re-learned. Sometimes you have to hit your lowest point to get what you want. Now that bleak, and overwhelming morning I was not thinking about where it would bring me months down the road. I wasn't thinking about who I would eventually meet because of it. In that moment I was not mindful, I was afraid and driven by fear … funny enough it drove me right into the power source I needed.

Wild blue eyes, and an energy that has the capability of shifting the course of everyone around her. My path had hit a block I had to acknowledge. I was so scared to get my first massage. What would we talk about? I have to strip down to my underwear? Lay on a bed for an hour while some stranger touches me? No way. I walked into the appointment, and around the corner she came. I felt tired, small, and sad. I in no way thought that I looked nice, let alone beautiful. She paused, looked at me … in a way no one had ever looked at me. I could tell she was not just assessing my outward but my inward.

“You are so beautiful, you know that?” She shook her head and gave me this half smirk I would come to know well.

We wasted no time getting to know one another. Dived straight into the deep side of the pool. I find it so refreshing when someone actually connects with me rather than stays on the shallow end. I understand that it varies from person to person. Maybe don't tell the grocery clerk your life story. This though was a meeting of souls. I was meant to meet her, me. We laughed, we cried, huged, and prayed. We told one another everything, from what we ate that weekend to who we were dating. When I walked in from what might have been a heavy day, she knew without me having to say a word. One session in particular I was so weighed down by the world, I layed on her table and wept. Not just cried, truly, deeply wept. She did not judge, or force advice on me, nor did she ask me what was wrong. No. None of those. She took her knowledge, her practice, and used it all so that maybe it would alleviate my pain. It did. You see what makes Deb so magnificent at her practice is she one hundred percent believes in it. She educatedes herself by going to school, retreats, and readings. Then pours not only the knowledge but the practice out onto her patients. I felt so still, calm, and accepted after that session. I had never really had a woman in my life where I felt comfortable being vulnerable.

One of my biggest fears is growing older, due to past trauma experienced in childhood. This fear has only grown as I have reached my twenties. Kept me from doing and experiencing many things in life. Especially when paired with other struggles. Music, modeling, dancing, and writing. I have thrown mediums I loved when I was younger to the side due to feeling “to old”. Well trust when I say, Deb would hear of it.

“ You should pursue singing, truly!”

“ Deb I am too old for all that.”

“You know that is something I hear a lot of from you, and frankly I am sick of it!”

This is one thing that really drew me to her. She was not stopping her life just because she might be aging, as we all are. She does not walk to the beat of someone else's drum. Her career path came to her in what some might say was “later in life.” That did not hold her back. She realized her passion for massage therapy/acupuncture and ran with it. She is on a journey to become as knowledgeable about her practice as she can. Always evolving, growing, and always a student. She presents herself as an authority figure, but also is unafraid to be a student when need be. This characteristic only added to our relationship. I would learn from her, and she from me, continuously and unashamedly.

I thank my lucky stars for the day Deb walked into my life. She sets her eyes upon her goals, puts bone against concrete to achieve them. Countless times she took the breath from me. Deb has so much power and doesn't need to lift a finger to use it. What a beautifully terrifying gift. She cultivates it so effortlessly. I don't even know if she is aware of the power she possesses. She speaks her mind! Communicates exactly what she needs when it's needed. She loves deep, loud, and fucking proud. The light in her eyes when she speaks about topics that move her, could hold the attention of an entire room.

I will forever believe that our meeting was a divine placement. Deb healed me from the inside out. Not only with her practice or her words, but her presence, her energy. I was so broken when I came to her. Years worth of baggage weighing me down. I didn't want to excel, I didn't want to challenge or better myself. No. What I wanted deep down was to stay weak, have everyone around pity me. Truly one of the lowest points in my life. What did Deb see me in though? Excellence, greatness, a woman living with purpose. Deb took all that pain, all that sadness within me and threw it to the wolves. She challenged me to become my greatest self, she knew what I had inside of me. This was just a matter of unlocking it. She shared in my tears, and rooted on my smiles. Deb is strong because she brings out the strength in others. I can safely say I am where I am now almost a year later partly because of her. I do not know if I will ever meet a love like this ever again. Unconditional. I brought nothing to the table, she was ready to meet me where I was at. I know now though she had a plan all along. Deb showed me the other side of pain.