The other girl.

For some reason I've always been 'the other girl'.

I was in love, with a man. But I never told him how I felt so we were best friends for around two years before I confessed. Throughout that time he had a multitude of girlfriends. The one who remained the most was a tall blonde model. She was gorgeous to the eyes of everyone, the 'trophie wife' as it were. She was the kind of girl every man wanted and every girl wanted to be. I wished I was her. Maybe I was just jealous of her confidence, jealous of the male attention she received. But I was mainly jealous of the fact she had the person I wanted.

She treated him like trash, like an object. It infuriated me to the core. It was because of this is that I hated her. I wanted to be her, but I well and truly hated her. I always imagined being her. Having the man I wanted, and treating him like the king he was, having the confidence to be seen naked, and having the social capacity she had and never be lonely. I hated her.

I always caused problems in their relationship. She know I had feelings for him and she didn't like it naturally (I can understand that) so she was never shy to show her disdain for me. But never the less me and him continued to be close and my feelings grew. He was perfect in my eyes, could do no wrong. He gave me a backbone, a voice and a reason to get out of bed.

But I was always the 'other girl'. Causing problems in all of his relationships, I wonder why he even kept me around. With every girl he dated I was always viewed at the other girl that caused trouble between them. But then something amazing happened. He eventually told be that he kept me around because he loved me and just didn't think I liked him back. Ironic huh.

A few months into the relationship however we had to break up for reasons I'm not going to share. But it was family related. We were both devastated but it had to happen. We decided to try staying just best friends and it worked for a while, but things happen. When he started dating again I was so distraught but I knew it would be unfair of me to not let him see people because we were no longer together.

So then again, with these new girls, I was once again 'the other girl'. It was worse this time because now I knew what I was missing and what I once had. I hated myself and I hated the people involved. I don't grudge him for getting over us, he did what he had to do to get over it (other girls), there was no point in us dwelling over it, what good would that do. But it hurt, and it still hurts the same, almost a year later. I hope he finds true love, and makes sure he keeps it.

Now though, I'm never going to let myself be 'the other girl' again. These things just take time.