The Monster

It was morning. The birds were chirping, and the roosters were calling for a morning wake-up. It was a normal, perfect morning. The sun shone through the window, warm and bright. Kaylee sat up and stretched. Her bladder was calling for an emergency evacuation, and there was no time to waste. However, something seemed off. She sniffed the air and noticed a smell. She looked over and saw that her dog had relieved themselves on the floor. Kaylee had a stressful weekend prior. So her anger came up in her throat. She cleaned up the mess as best as she could. Once she was done, she went to the bathroom. Relief at last.

She crawled into bed and tried to relax a little more. However, little did she know, there was something hovering around her. As she lay in bed, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. She realized that she had left her phone in the bathroom and didn't feel like getting up. So she laid there. Looking up at the ceiling, where something lingered. She had gotten into her own head.

The weekend brought forth anger. She had watched her god-babies while her sister and brother-in-law took one of the god-babies to do their pageant. However, Kaylee thought she had it in the bag this weekend. She wanted to do fun things before she couldn't anymore. Kaylee thought about this weekend while laying in bed. She hated the fact she had let her anger get the best of her. The anger she felt reminded her how her biological mother would be like. Kaylee hated the fact she felt as though she was acting like her. Something had started enveloping her. It had started in her throat and was making its way through her entire body.

Kaylee was a cancer patient. She had completed her chemotherapy, and the next step had her worried. Her oncologist wanted to do surgery; however, it could be risky. If things didn't go correctly, she may have a blood transfusion and a hospital stay. Kaylee doesn't like to be away from her family. They were her safe place. She didn't want to have a hospital stay. It bothered her. It could be a short hospital stay, which she wouldn't mind. However, there is a possibility it could be longer. It could turn into a ten-day hospital stay. That terrified her.

It felt like arms had enclosed around her, and tightly. It was hard to breathe. She thought she'd feel better by scooting over to snuggle her husband while he slept. However, that's when it struck. The monster. Kaylee started to form tears in the corners of her eyes. She tried to sit up so she wouldn't bother him, but it was too late. Several tears had dripped down her face as she sat up. The tears landed on her husband, which made him stir. "Are you okay, babe?" he asked.

That's when the monster struck fully. Kaylee started sobbing and rocking back and forth. Kaylee told him that everything that happened over the weekend with the kids, their dog, and the upcoming surgery had raised anxiety in her. Her dog, who knew that she had an accident in the house and was fearful. However, she heard her human crying and came for a rescue attempt. Kaylee snuggled the dog while her husband rubbed her back. In her hand, she had her nicotine vape; she had hit it several times and still no prevail. She then grabbed her CBD vape, which normally does the trick. Not this time.

"Why don't you take your meds, baby? It'll help," said her husband.

Still sobbing, Kaylee reached for her medicine bag and took all of her meds, ones for anxiety and others for other medical problems she had. Kaylee sat there and rubbed the tears off her face. She held on tightly to her dog until she could feel the monster slipping away, and everything started to feel easier. Kaylee took several deep breaths, ever so calming and smooth. She turned to her husband once more and kissed his forehead. She felt better and was ready to face the day ahead. What felt like hours of crying was only actually an hour. She packed up a couple of things she wanted and headed to the living room, where her day started. Her anxiety monster was quelled, and she could now focus on her school work and among other things. Anxiety lost another battle. It wouldn't take Kaylee away today, maybe another day.

Thank you so much for reading today. If you haven't figured it out, Kaylee is me. I have been struggling with anxiety lately as we get closer to my surgery date, and cancer things. I've had a few nightmares, too, but nothing compares to the anxiety I face during the day. I wrote this article the way I did because I couldn't face the music myself. It was easier to write if it were about someone else. I just needed to vent. As we get closer to the surgery date, all I ask is to send positive vibes, or prayers, or whatever you believe in. I need all the positivity I can get.