The Long Journey

Chapter 1: Abandoned

I was born on March fourth two-thousand and five. I was born in the beautiful city of Niagara Falls. My parents were not capable of taking care of me. I struggled with being abandoned as a little one. To be able to thrive I needed someone to love and support me. How would I experience this with no Mom or Dad in my life? I was placed into a foster home for babies.

I thought, “This is just not fair, I was shared amongst workers and did not have a mother's unconditional love for me.”

This went for two months or so. In order for a family to take over, they needed to get full custody of me.

In the background, I knew God was working this out for me, but it was taking time. I really wanted to feel my parents love and care for me.

Chapter 2: Surprised

One day my grandparents had finally got the custody papers through. They came to the baby foster home, to pick me up and bring me home.

My grandmother and I started to bond. For this was the next best thing to having my real Mother with me. She loved me dearly and gave me the things I needed to thrive. There were times that they mellowed due to their old age. In those times they let me have more than I should.

I got to know my biological parents a little in the first few years in my life. They came to see me on supervised visits. They also sent me gifts at Christmas and for my birthday. For years they have not seen me. I had a happy loving home.

Grandmother became sick with cancer. She spent three weeks hopping from Hospital to Hospital. When those three weeks were up she passed due to four and a half strokes and her lung cancer. My bond had grown so strong. I was heartbroken. The pain was so severe.

Chapter 3: Life Changing Moment

Life became a struggle for both my grandfather and I. He had lost his wife and I had lost my grandmother. She had become a mother to me.

My grandmother was gone, now again my abandonment issues surfaced. First my mother was gone and now my grandmother. I became extremely irritated over everything in my life. I felt like screaming.

I thought, “Would anyone hear my cry?”.

I refused to attend school. I didn’t want to leave grandpa alone. I knew he was hurting too. Grandpa still needed to provide food but wasn’t the greatest cook. So, he started taking me out to fast food restaurants. I started putting on weight because I needed a better diet.

My behavior escalated to the point where I was brought to a Hospital to be checked out. I was put on medicine to help me function better.

Chapter 4: A New Home

I was put into a foster home for 1 year. Things were going ok in this home. These Parents decided to move to a far away land from Ontario this far away land was called Newfoundland. They wanted me to move with them. I refused to go with them because I still had a grandpa here in Ontario that I loved dearly. I knew that if I moved that far away I may never see my grandpa again.

But this meant another set of Parents to get used to. I had many questions. “Would they love and care about me?”.

I was put in another foster home yet again. This foster home seemingly did not work at all. This one was closer to grandpa. It just didn’t fit me, things became worse and worse for me

Chapter 5: Starting A Fire

I was placed in my first group home. I wanted to go back to Midland because this was my home. I decided if I do something Really bad then they might let me go back to Midland. I found a towel and a hot burner on the stove. I put the towel on the burner. The towel caught on fire and broke out in flames. They quickly removed the towel and put the fire out. They decided I was a mental case and they sent me to a psychiatric ward. I thought I only needed attention and someone to show me that I belonged. Now this is where they brought me? When will anyone ever understand my pain? I just needed to know that I was loved like all other little boys. During my time in the psychiatric ward, I kept myself occupied by using my computer and iPad to keep in touch with my family and friends. The Hospital had a playroom with a Wii, PS3, Foosball table and board games. I would go there to play sometimes.

My social worker realized she had to find a new home for me. One where I could find a safe place where people truly loved and cared for me.

Chapter 6: A Home of Hope

Leaving the hospital we drove for hours. We were supposed to be going to my new home. This drive took so Long. Feeling super anxious….how will this ever work out.

“Would this be a better home than the last one?” I questioned.

After driving four hours we arrived at my new home. I hoped that in this home I'd be able to have a safe place. I wanted to be loved and cared for. I was welcomed by four of six children in the home.

I realized the people in this home really cared about me. Part of me wanted to trust, but another part of me said if you trust you will get hurt again. I was feeling very scared because I did not want to be hurt again. I wanted to be loved in the midst of all my storms.

In the weeks that followed, I had issues with adjusting to new rules, a new place and new people. Through all this I had selective hearing. I would listen when I felt like it. This brought me problems because it was expected that

I’d listen all the time. I struggled with why do I need to listen to these strangers. I was told I needed to change my attitude. So that I would not need to be consequenced. There were times at this home where my anger due to the pain of the past would get the best of me. This caused me to do things that were not acceptable. I would break things and have my allowance taken away because I had to pay for damage I had made. I was not happy about not having my money. This helped me to take responsibility for my actions. If I break something I need to provide the funds to fix it again. I also learned if I took space

and talked to House Parents or Staff. Then I no longer needed to take it out on the walls and my things. Life went so much smoother for me and everyone else. I found in keeping myself busy it kept my anxiety down.

I had a love for music that was loud enough to deafen the ears. But the music soothed my anxious heart and emotions.

I had a great accomplishment at this home. I had learned to swim in the deep end of the pool without my life jacket. Now I could do this and not be scared.

Chapter 7: Changing Parents

After being at this home for 6 months my house parents changed. New adjustments again.

I thought, "can I trust these new people?"

The change of new parents at first was hard. I put up my guards again to protect myself from anything that was there to hurt me.

Another six months passed to my amazement. I found myself growing close to these Parents. I could share my thoughts, feelings and they are actually understanding what I was saying.

For many months I desired to be adopted. I would let my hopes rise and imagine how my life would change if I was adopted. I dreamed of having a perfect adoptive home where my parents would stop changing. As time went on it seemed that God wanted me to stay put. There were no parents found to adopt me in their home

"Waaaaaah!!".

I had learned to enjoy gardening, lawn mowing with a push mower and riding mower. I also like cooking, baking, cleaning and organizing things. I enjoy trying to make my room look like a palace. These things I love to do to thrive.

Chapter 8: Visiting Grandfather

I went four hours to go see grandpa in the nursing home. The ride was long but I enjoyed going to see him because he was very dear to my heart. I spent four hours there. We would talk about those good old days when we lived together and had a father to son relationship. When I would go see grandpa we would have lunch together. The other Seniors would tell grandpa what a good looking boy I was. As time went by, grandpa grew older and passed away. This was very hard on me. I struggled through this grieving time. How could I get through this grieving time? How could I get through this on my own?

The House Parents I had grown to love and appreciate, helped me through this one day at a time and one step of the way. This helped me to really cope with this.

Chapter 9: Leaving Behind

I got word that the parents I had grown to love were leaving. How my heart just sank to the bottom of my toes. How could I go through this again? Did no one care about what I was feeling?

They decided that with leaving they would stay in contact with me by allowing me to give them phone calls and let me visit their home. This put a light in my dark hole of losing parents again. I would phone them once a month and go visit them by taking the bus, these visits I would always look forward to. One of my favorite parts that I liked was the pop and famous panzerottis part of this visit. This brought my spirits up to the moon.

I loved visiting my Parents, I always felt great around them!

Chapter 10: Another Try

In May twenty-nineteen, my third set of House Parents came. These House Parents were really nice to me. Making plans to do fun outings, activities and games. We even went to the Beach every weekend, which was really fun. The following July I started clearing all of the bush in the backyard. That was a really fun project to do with the House Dad.

This fun started slowing down nearing the end of August twenty-nineteen. Due to other circumstances these House Parents left. I continued to phone, message and communicate with them, but nothing after they left could compare with the fun we had before they left. The communication definitely helped a-hundred fold.

Chapter 11: Welcome, Welcome Back & Goodbye!

A couple was coming to the group home on a visit. Also to work as well. They were coming to find out if they’d make good House Parents. They got through the two weeks and returned home again. We all had a great time with them. A lot of us called them Mom and Dad before they left. We played games with them, because it was still like summer. In just under 3 months the parents returned.

I thought, “Wow they actually returned. I figured they would come and go just like all the others.”.

For Them to come back I am thankful.

Just as I’m getting comfortable and getting a stable mentality, I heard news that yet another set of House Parents that I had grown to love were moving on. I was very sad about this. About a week or so before they left, the House Parents assured me that they would continue contact as long as I was able to handle it.

I was really happy to hear that they would keep contact, it really gave me some hope for the future!

Chapter 12: A New Set

The Beginning of July twenty-twenty, another set of new House Parents came along. I thought “Here we go again, what’s the point of getting Parents when they don’t stay.” Things went really smoothly during this three month period. School started on September Eighth. During the first two weeks of school things went really well. I was glad to see my teachers and classmates, we started catching up from the summer break.

Around September twenty-third, my mental wellbeing started to become severely unstable. I would become physically aggressive if things got to be too much.

These House Parents left as well, which increased my mental instability. Part of me wasn’t affected by it because it had already happened so many times. It became like a normal thing that just kept happening. Myself and the other kids were wrongly blamed for house parents leaving over and over again.

Chapter 13: My Adoption

In October twenty-twenty I had asked about the former House Parents who left back in twenty-nineteen to adopt me, not knowing that this was already being worked on as my future-adoptive Parents wished.

I was told that it would be looked into. Despite the huge amount of joy this brought me, this wasn’t enough of a concrete answer for me.

I decided that I would wait a few days and see what would happen. On the scheduled day for me to have a phone call with the Parents, we talked about a possible Adoption. The Parents liked that idea and said that we should start the process, keeping the fact that it was already being worked on. This would’ve been a lot for me to process as it was very early in the works. I would’ve got very anxious and so repetitively, I would think up worries about things that could happen, which most of these worries were very far fetched. At the same time, I was really excited to hear that they wanted to adopt me. At this time it was just a conversation and there was still lots of work to do before any permanent plans could be made.

The staff and my support people encouraged me to talk with my counselor about this potential adoption and to get his take on things. As always, my counselor assured me that I deserve the best and that if this adoption would be the best, then to go for it. On December seventeenth, twenty-twenty I was adopted. This was a very exciting time for me. We had lots of fun over the Christmas Holidays. When the new school year started, I continued online school with my former teacher and finished the Semester.

In the beginning of February I started at a new school. This was really scary...a new city, new school, new people and a new lifestyle all at once. This was a very nerve wracking time for me but I knew that in all of this, there would be the comfort of my Adoptive Parents. They were there when I needed support during tough times and were there celebrating with me during the times of success.

In this adoption, I met lots of new people within the family, at school, through my church and on the job as well. After getting to know these people and talking with them a couple times, I began to develop a positive rapport with the adults and a positive friendship with the kids my age.

TO BE CONTINUED in THE LONG JOURNEY: Book 2.