The Life of the Phlegmatic Ms. Säjenē

"In order to succeed in life is to befriend the right people, sit on the lap of people wealthier than you, and then... voilà. You're all set."

Those were famous words from Fleur Säjenē, half French, half Swedish heir to the world-renowned, multibillion-dollar Säjenē furniture company. She's with us today for an exclusive 2021 Voqual magazine interview.

She is perhaps most famous for marrying prominent French politician Louis Lafayette in 1990, and advocating for Black Lives Matter. She also released her comercially successful fashion line this year, Fleuri.

This is Arya Brar, with Ms. Fleur Säjenē.

A: Fleur Säjenē, how are you today? You look like you've been beaten up! I'm Arya Brar, and thanks for joining me for this Voqual intervi–

S: Arya, please call me Fleur or Sajene. And I'm fine. I just fell down a flight of stairs and a bookshelf fell on me. At my house.

A: That sounds horrible. How did it happen?

S: One of my children tripped me over.

A: How old are they?

S: He's 30.

A: Why did he trip you?

S: We are straying away from the interview, yes?

A: Oh! Right.

A: Ms. Sajene. May I ask you what it's like being part of the illustrious Säjenē family, and when you were born?

S: I'm sure you could look this up online... but I was born in... on? On 1970. I turned 51 on the 21st.

A: Wow, you're getting so old!

S: Okay.

A: Um... so what is it like being part of your family?

S: It's okay. We go on trips and meet celebrities, politicians, and other influential people. We do so because they want customized furniture and tips on where to put them. And because we're wealthy, we can do as we please. In other words, it's very entertaining.

S: We also talk to strange men. Not you, though.

A: Aha, it's fine.

S: You're close to being strange, though.

A: That's a bit disappointing.

S: Next.

A: Are you close to any other relatives?

S: No.

A: Oh. What about your friends? Aren't you close to any politicians?

S: We're not.

A: I see. Then who do you talk to?

S: I'm not intimate towards anyone. My husband suggested me talking to his friends, but it just feels as if everything is scripted around them. And they get a bit... strange around me.

A: Oh...

S: I used to talk to my younger brother, but he passed. After that, I found it a bit hard to talk to people.

S: Of course, as pathetic as you are, I don't have a problem chatting with you.

A: That is... I'm sorry that your brother passed.

S: You're not.

A: I beg your pardon?

S: I didn't say anything. Do you have any other questions?

A: Uh... where did you get your name from? That's the question that everyone has been asking online lately?

S: I know. I got my name from fleur-de-lis. Or the French word for flower, I believe.

A: Wow, so Fleur is flower? That's such a beautiful name. I never would've thought that it meant that!

S: I'm sure anyone with a brain cell would translate my name, but I guess that's too much hope to ask for this generation.

A: That's a bit rude, Ms. Sajene.

S: It's not. I speak the truth.

S: Can we move on to the next question?

A: Right. What's your personal life like? I'm sure it's pretty interesting!

S: My life is fantastic. I meet with the people I like, whenever I like. I own 5 mansions across the globe, and I have some children with Louis. I used to stay at home because Louis said so. However, he isn't responding to my calls or texts, and none of his friends know where he's gone, but I've heard he was last seen with his female manager. In other words, I don't see why can't I go out now.

S: I would call the news, but his colleagues told me not do take any drastic measures and that he'd call me back eventually. Not that he will, though. He is never at home and hardly ever calls, so it doesn't seem to be that big of a deal anyway.

A: Ms. Sajene, I think that you should call the news... just in case...

S: And let you profit off of another story? I don't think so. Shall we continue?

A: Okay.

A: Before I ask my initial question... some children?

S: I forgot how many I had. I believe 300.

A: That's a whole lot!

S: My mind thinks so, anyway.

A: Your mind?

S: Whenever they visit, they're always asking for money. They appear all the time, so it feels like there are hundreds of them.

A: Can't you let your foot down?

S: They might do things to me.

A: What thi– oh. I'm sorry about that.

S: You're not. Your initial question?

A: How did you m-meet Louis Lafayette?

S: Childhood friend I fell in love with due to his great personality. It was quite clear he was going to succeed in life too. Next.

A: Do you have any plans this year?

S: I'm going to go to more celebrity homes this year, and I'm planning on doing more with Fleuri. I can't tell any details about it, so don't even think about asking.

A: Haha, I won't. Is that all?

S: There is one more thing.

A: What is it?

S: I might try the antidepressants I've been prescribed to.

A: Perhaps you–

S: But other than that, nothing noteworthy.

A: What do you l-like to do for f-fun?

S: Arya, why are you stuttering? Goodness.

A: I'm not quite sure myself...

S: Ah, well. I like to read books and designing my home. I like doing chores and making my children happy as well. They are the future, after all. I want to put Säjenē in the right hands, as well. Keeping them happy will make them good people.

A: Actually... well...

S: What. Spit it out. I'm waiting, and you aren't even saying anything. Are you trying to waste my time?

A: I wasn't trying to offend you, Ms. Sajene. My next question is what it was like meeting with Kiyotaka Yamamoto last month? I know in January you two were excited to design a loft in Japan!

S: He was a bit of an eccentric. He was very grabby with my breasts, and said it was tradition in Japan. I knew it wasn't, and told him we were supposed to be designing the loft. We did so, but then he got a bit upset and started cursing at me. I tried to calm him down, which worked.

A: Uh...

S: And then we completed the loft, and it's being sold to a famous Japanese actress. I believe her name is Rin Hirasaka.

A: Why did you decide to create Fleuri? And where did the name come from? Also, when you inherit Säjenē, you'll have a full basket!

S: Arya, I'm giving Säjenē to my children.

S: And for Fleuri, I created it for all the people out their who want to wear things I like, and the name came from my name, Fleur, and because my daughter suggested adding "I" to the name. So I agreed.

A: That definitely makes it sound nicer. At least in my opinion.

S: Actually, I wouldn't say that she suggested. She slapped me into it.

A: Ah... well. That's all the time we have, so I hope whatever future endeavors you do succeed, and that you have a good day!

S: They will succeed. I'm Fleur Säjenē, after all.

A: Bye, Ms. Sajene.

S: Arya, farewell.

–

Hi, this is drkenny. I'm really getting into this fake article thing. I thought it would be fun to write about celebrity abuse. Oh, that doesn't sound right...

Anyway, this takes place in the same universe as Roshanda's. Perhaps I'll make Arya a co-worker friend.

Farewell, reader.