The inner heart of inspiration “I will not be silent

Facing My Past

To tell my story, I have to face what family, religion, status, to not be, called crazy, or when people say “what goes on in the - stays in here and here alone”, anything and everything that hides, will hide, or things that has been hidden what we know as “THE THINGS UNDER THE RUG” yes!!! I’m going there. The best advice in this situation is for you to center yourself through mediation because the things I’m going to tell you throughout this book for you to be aware of your surroundings, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and Astro meaning out-of-body experience. I will not be giving any names but there characters for you to be aware, every character is different, and that’s the sad part when your world seems like it’s spinning out of control, over what life sets in our path, we can decide how we respond, to be honest I haven’t always responded in the best way possible.

I already knew I didn’t belong to this family. I know, I Know-how can I be saying this, you probably wondering and saying behind the screen reading this book, well that’s your ———- parents, what do you mean? You don’t belong to that family. Well, as a young child, I could already see things differently; I knew I was different; I could talk to ghost, I could talk to people who have passed before me and even a great ancestor before me, even people I didn’t know, but I would find out later on in life who they were and why I met them, I always told my parent’s I was from a fire planet and trust me I had no clue what astrology was. I’m only 7 years old, and I told them My name is not Vanessa, that my name was Oracle, finding out later the meaning meant, is a person or agency considered providing wise and insightful counsel or prophetic predictions, most notably including precognition of the future, inspired by deities. It is divination.In this part of the book; I was a child where things should break you or make you.

I soon found out how different I really was and It broke me, my childhood ended, before it ever began, Gardener water me to grow, plant my seeds to bare fruits and when I fade, place me to my root, to where the light and the sun shines down, were you catch the weeds and cut them all down, you were my nurture, my rock, the foundation I was built on; you were supposed to be my solid ground, but then the rain fell down, the storm lighting in the air, like waves clashes through the sea, gardener why? me, was I just that rose you had to see, to flush my beauty and turned my day into night, my innocence stolen without my permission, gone without my submission, lost through another’s plan, no longer me, turned me to hatred and fear came near, taken from a little girl’s heart was placed by mistrust, you thought, you were smart, you faded before it ever began, like a cloud over the moon, ripped away gone too soon, ‘GARDENER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROVIDE AND PROTECT ME’ now I’m here sitting here in tears; that now I relate to you, as “TRAUMA”.

What did I do to receive this?, was I not good in school, was I not providing enough to the family, did I play to long, maybe I didn’t eat all my vegetables “I HATE PEAS” trying to figure out, I’m only 7 years old, did I not pray to God last night, what did I do?, the voices in my head told me, “it wasn’t real”; I told myself, “maybe it was only one time”, “they didn’t know, yes that’s it, they didn’t know?, ‘it was just the drugs, maybe the drinking, thinking to myself how to erase this pain, as I went to sleep. As I didn’t know what to think, I woke up the next day saying “MAN WHAT A DREAM” putting on my play clothes on like nothing happened, it was the weekend, almost time to go home to mom and dad, as I sat on the porch thinking to myself “WAS IT, JUST A DREAM?”.

It’s at a point what am I willing to give that my soul finds it deepest desire to get this out my head, surrendering my questions for, it’s only the realization I have nothing, I have no room in my hands to hold on to anything else will this end, No; as I got my question, the next night “TRAUMA’‘ did it again. How will I tell this secret I can barely speak lost my voice to shock it’s me and my paper as I try to find my voice in this so-called reality, stripped away like the color of my skin, my childhood beating with scars from deep within, lost the sense of value, telling myself lies “THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!!!! TRAUMA lies within, the back of my head, just the fear of saying, I want to forget your name.