The Fake Check

I knew the money was dirty when I got it...

I saw a check for $20,000 just lying there on the ground, next to a little black book.

Once I had deposited the check, my banker said it was a fraud.

How could I be so stupid!?

It's not like I won the lottery or something!

All I have left is this little black notebook....

That I'm writing inside of, from the comfort of this little black room...

Inside of this cold freaking jail cell!

This is so messed up. It's not like I killed anybody. At least not yet.

I know that whoever owned this little black notebook, left that fake stupid check behind, so I could get locked up in here due to fraud.

I ain't no criminal, that's for sure.

And another thing!

Why do people always assume someone is trying to steal money whenever a fake check is involved!?

I was just minding my own business!

Until I strolled up on that fake check and this little black notebook!

Well, I suppose it really is a crime though, because this little black notebook is going to make me more money than that stupid fake check!

What I’m writing with my right hand, right now, is going to be uploaded in a writing competition, that is going to net me at least a thousand dollars.

Yeah… I’ll be rich alright. I’ll get myself out of jail, maybe catch a movie or something.

Being locked up made me appreciate the finer things in life.

Like not being locked up in jail.

Ha! Right now, being in here locked up, got me thinking about my past.

Like, I really should’ve told that woman how much I loved her.

If only she’d have known I was dumb and would deposit a fake check without telling her.

Maybe I can use the prize money to purchase a wedding ring.

I want to propose to her once I get out of this jail.

I know what you’re thinking.

‘Why would I do time, just to do more time being married for the rest of my life?’

Well, when a man loves a woman, he’d give up everything.

Time, money, clothes, you name it.

I love my girl, and she loves me.

She didn’t say she did, but I did, and I know she feels the same way.

I can’t be away from her much longer.

‘Who is she?’ you’re probably wondering.

She’s my banker.

I know, I know.

I fell in love with my banker.

But I’m telling ya, it was love at first sight.

You wouldn’t believe the way she looked at me.

Words can’t describe…

I know you’re probably wondering, ‘how long have we known each other?’

I’ll tell you, but you have to keep it a secret…

I met her Yesterday, which was also the same day I got arrested.

Shame on me!

Why couldn’t I just leave it all alone, and mind my own business!?

Nope, instead I chose to write my own story!

I found a fake check for $20,000, and met the love of my life, all within the same hour.

What more could you ask for?

I certainly couldn’t have asked for anymore.

I’m at peace with myself.

And I found the one thing that’s kept me at peace throughout the whole ordeal.

My little black notebook.

This is my testimony, and my triumph.

It will explain to the court and the jury everything that happened.

So, here it goes.

Yesterday, I was walking along the sidewalk when I tripped over a little black notebook.

It’s little, but it’s also very thick.

After I trip over the little black notebook, a check for 20,000 dollars falls out of it.

Intuitively, I thought to see what name it said on there.

It read, ‘from Lexter Mower to Mr. D.’

I thought to myself, that my first name is Dominic, so I could use that alias ‘Mr. D.’

I pick up the check, thinking that it’s completely real.

I walk over to the bank, and one of the most beautiful people both inside and out, greets me at the door.

With a smile, she says to me, "Hello, my name is Tammy. Pleasure to meet you.”

I’m like Jell-O at this point, just swaying back and forth like I have no bone structure.

Tammy then asks me, “What is your name, sir?”

I then tell her nervously, “My name is Dominic, but I also go by Mr. D.”

“Well, Dominic, it’s great having you here today.”

“It’s great to be here today. Thank you, Ms. Tammy.”

She tells me to, “Please, have a seat. I’ll be with you shortly.”

I replied to her with, “Alright.”

And I sat in one of the lobby chairs.

I was busy thinking to myself, ‘Yes, you will be with me shortly.’

If you know what I mean.

She walks away, and takes care of this other dude at her desk, which got me pretty jealous really quickly.

I see her smiling at him, like he’s candy or something. Who does he think he is, stealing my girl’s affection from me?

After 15 long minutes of waiting, Tammy gives me the ‘ok’ to sit down at her desk.

I go over there, and we talk and immediately hit it off.

First I compliment her on her dress, saying, “That’s a lovely green dress you’ve got on.”

“Why thank you, Dominic,” Tammy replies cheerfully.

Then I ask her if she has any pets.

Tammy then tells me, “I have a pet ostrich.”

“Wow, that’s insane!” I reply.

“It’s better than having 30 cats, like my grandmother.”

“Your grandma has 30 cats too!? She’s just like my grandmother!”

“Ok, let’s hope we’re not related, then,” Tammy jokes.

“Oh, right. What’s your grandmother’s name?” I ask her.

“It’s Janet.”

“PHEW! My grandma’s name is Evette.”

“That was close, I was gonna be disgusted at the fact that I liked you!” she playfully admitted.

“You do? How?” I wonder.

“I don’t know, I just do,” Tammy replies.

I’m busy smiling ear-to-ear, when suddenly she gives me news that the check bounces after she deposited it into my account.

She called the manager over, and the manager called the police to arrest me.

I’ve been here ever since Yesterday afternoon.

Only good thing that came from it, was that Tammy gave me her number and told me to call her once I get out.

So, if I win, I get out of jail, then get to propose to the woman of my dreams….

I just hope I get to keep this little, also thick, black notebook in my possession once I go on trial.

Hold up, I think I see a prison guard coming my way. Let me hide this notebook.

I stash the little black notebook under my pillow and inside of my pillowcase.

The guard walks up to my cell, unlocks it with the key, and says, “You’re free to go.”

“How?” I ask him.

“You’ve been released on bail,” the guard replies.

“By whom?”

“By your girlfriend.”

“My what?”

“Your girlfriend Tammy.”

“No way! Tammy bailed me out!?”

The guard looks extremely confused and replies, “Yeah, she did.”

“Ah, man. I’m so blessed!” I exclaim.

I run out of the cell and start jumping up and down for joy!

I got out of jail so quickly, that I forgot even how much I celebrated in front of every other inmate.

Oh, wait. Now I remember.

“Sayonara, losers! You all smell bad!” I shouted at them.

I know, I know. I regret how poorly I acted. Jail changes people.

I walk out a free man. And look who I see come to greet me?

My future wife, and apparently my now girlfriend Tammy.

But wait a minute… it looks like she’s standing next to someone.

He’s wearing a suit and he has his arms folded and crossed.

That’s never a good sign. And not to mention he’s frowning too.

Whoops, looks like I’m in trouble.

“Hello, Dominic,” Tammy says hesitantly.

“Hello, Tammy, my love. Who is this?”

“This man is Mr. D.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. D.”

I hold my hand out to shake his hand.

But he just looks at my hand and then looks back up at my face while frowning.

Tammy then explains, saying, “And Dominic, Mr. D. here is also my husband.”

“Oh. You never said you were married. And I noticed you didn’t wear a wedding ring on your finger,” I remark to Tammy.

And she replies, “I don’t normally wear mine at work…”

“Oh, I see. Well, congratulations, Mr. D. You are one lucky man.”

“I know,” Mr. D. coldly replies to me. “I believe you deposited one of the checks that was meant for me.”

“Oh, right. Sorry about that one.”

“And you know what, Dominic? I thank you for that one,” Mr. D. announces to me.

“What?”

“Because when you deposited that fake check for 20,000 dollars, you got arrested for something that could’ve happened to me. And for that, I am indebted to you.”

“It was nothing, really. I was just stupid enough to do it.”

“Oh, I know,” Mr. D. remarks, then laughs. “Yes, ha-ha, it most certainly was very stupid.”

“Thanks, Mr. D.,” I sarcastically reply.

“But Dominic, since you took my deserved sentence I want you to have whatever you ask for.”

“You mean anything?” I reiterate.

“No, son. I’m not God. But whatever I can humanly provide you at this very moment.”

“Ok, let me think for a second, Mr. D.”

I take a moment to think about how much money I was going to ask for, but then I took one look at Tammy’s face and said, “You know what, Mr. D.”

“Mhmm,” Mr. D. responds.

“I don’t want any money. I just want the chance to have dinner with you both.”

“That’s sounds like a great idea,” Tammy states.

“Well, that settles it. We’ll have a dinner tonight at a five-star restaurant,” Mr. D. announces.

“And I’ll be ready for it. Thank you, Mr. D.”

“You are very welcome. And thank you, Dominic.”

I watch as Mr. D. and Tammy walk to their car. Then they drive off with her in the driver’s seat.

All the things we should’ve done, but we never did.

All the things we should’ve said, but we never said.

Where’s my notebook when I need it. Oh, I forgot! I left it in jail!

I went back for my little black notebook. The guard said that I had to go back in the same way I walked out.

And I was a bit hesitant at first, but I realized I couldn’t back down from a challenged.

So, I manned up, and walked back into that jail with the inmates hounding me for taunting them earlier.

I got called a Beverly Hills Chihuahua by a guy that looks like Rico from a taco restaurant that I used to work at.

I walked out of there with my little black notebook in hand, and a spirit filled with confidence.

[4 hours later]

I’m standing outside near the restaurant, which is a pretty fancy place.

Now it’s 7pm. I know I’m on time, I’m just waiting for the couple to show up fashionably late.

I see them now. They’re here.

A white limo just pulled up in front of the restaurant, and Tammy has rolled-down the window and is waving at me from the back seat.

On instinct, I run over to the door and open it for her.

And she gets out looking as stunning as ever.

“You look beautiful,” I say to her.

“Thank you,” Tammy says back to me.

“Where’s Mr. D.? Will he be joining us?”

Then the chauffeur of the limousine opens his door, revealing that it’s Mr. D.

“I don’t understand.”

Then Tammy tells me, “I’m not really married.”

She takes me by the hand, and we go out to dinner.