The Enigmatic Estrangement From Reality

There isn't a day that goes by without me thinking about my four estranged children. In particular, my youngest son, by my second ex-wife. The last time I saw him was in the Spring of 2014, when he was just thirteen years old. I have had no contact since and know very little of where he is or what he is up to.

In the case of my first three children, by my first ex-wife, I do know a few things. My eldest son I have even managed to reconnect with a little. I know he has a job and that he continues to pursue his dreams of being a very successful athlete.

My youngest daughter got married and divorced, then married again and had a child, all in the space of five short years. As for her elder sister, I have an idea of which area of the UK she lives in and possibly what her occupation is.

And when I do sit and think of those children, I always end up wondering, what would I do if I was to accidentally meet up with them again. I usually go through a whole gamut of scenarios.

Sometimes I think we would just slip back into the old loving contact that we had before the estrangement took place. And then I think, oh no, you harshly, painfully rejected me due to the lies of your narcissistic mother, which you unquestioningly lapped up, there is no way back.

In the eventuality of getting back together, there is one thing I would be afraid of and that is letting the devils back into my life through the back door. They would no doubt go back to see their over-inquisitive mothers and regale them with all manner of personal information about me, and then that would be twisted out of all shape and proportion to hurt me, all over again.

I would be extremely wary of introducing my present lovely wife to the situation for fear that they may well feel disposed to infect her with all of their negative perspectives of me. I had first-hand experience of that when my first ex went to my house, whilst I was out at work, to fill my second ex-wife's head with all manner of toxic, destructive lies about me. So why would I expect it to be any different now?

And as I ponder on how I would react, I usually think that it would be better for me to keep up my guard by not saying a word to them, not a single word to encourage them to think that I am comfortable with the contact, when I am not.

At this moment in time, I am finally at peace, after twenty five years of out and out war, between two dangerously toxic, bitter and twisted, ex-wives. Why should I risk losing that peace that was so hard fought for? For the love of my children? I am not sure it is a worthy trade, my peace and quiet for close-up contact with my enemies' offspring, who have made it painfully clear whose side they are on.

The big divide is between the two different versions of what happened in the past, it is the difference between the truth and lies. I am the side of truth. And it is a truth so painful that the children prefer to avoid it, choosing instead, the cosseting comfort of the highly transparent lies of their respective mothers.

I suppose the one child estrangement that troubles me the most, is the fourth one, with my second ex-wife. Here was a child with whom I had an extremely close relationship. We were inseparable, two bosom buddies, each other's heroes. We adored each other to the ends of the earth.

Suddenly, this all changed. The boy would not speak to me, not even to say hello! Clearly, he had been got at by his mother and her corrupt lawyer friend, the one who manipulated my son to believe that I didn't love him. I saw the legal document the swine tried to convince me to sign, the one that portrayed me as an unreliable alcoholic. I'm virtually tee-total, and have been all my life. That is why my kidneys are in fine fettle. It was also a document that said that...

"I recognise that my son does not love me, and nor do I love him. We do not have a close relationship and I am happy to abandon him to his mother and give up all contact for the rest of our lives."

I shall never forget that day in his office when he tried to convince me that that document he wanted me to sign unread, from which I have quoted above, was for me to have custody of my son. The man was a total and utter fool to think for even one moment that I would willingly sign any sort of legal document without reading it first.

When I finally saw that document, which that bent lawyer entered into court unsigned, I was quite frankly appalled. I did complain to the law society about his fraudulent behaviour and he was suspended for a month. His nasty revenge for that was to bill me for his time as an expert family mediator, which he had previously tried to convince me was a free service, paid for by the government. I checked that one out with the government, it was, as I suspected, a blatant lie. So I reported his revenge to the law society also, and he was suspended for a further three months.

I really do not feel not one gram of hatred towards either of my ex-wives. They were both emotion driven and not in control of a lot of what they did to me. However, I do feel an enormous degree of hatred for that filth professing to be a lawyer.

His office walls are plastered with literally dozens of certificates from all of the courses he has taken over a great many years. It would not surprise me to discover that they are all fake. And even if they are authentic, he has still failed the course on how to be a good lawyer and a decent and honest human being. And I have also seen that he has somehow got himself into the Top Ten lawyers in the city, on the internet. What a scam, what a scumbag.

My guess is that High and Mighty legal eagle stalks singles clubs looking for disgruntled ex-wives, which was how he met my ex, with whom he can trade his stock of legal shit-housery, for a quick leg over in some grungy back alley.

I also recall with great clarity how he once boasted to me that he was the only man in the entire country who had ever managed to get sole custody of his own son. Really? I have met a great many countrymen of his who have sole custody. He really did take me for a complete idiot, no doubt ill-informed by my ex and his own arrogance.

It pains me to know that my son seems to be somewhat enamoured by the charlatan, as he lists the man as a friend on his Facebook profile. Can my son ever be de-programmed from the pseudo-legal coercion and manipulative programming he underwent? Will my son ever see through the man and his own mother, see them for what they really are? I doubt it.

I suppose, in the end, I would feel reasonably well disposed to give my youngest son a second chance. After all, he was but a child at the time that he was manipulated by his mother and her shitbag lawyer boyfriend.

I have seen, on an internet social media platform, that he is studying at a university in the South East of the UK. By now he will be twenty two years old. No longer a boy, but a young man. I know absolutely nothing else about him. He doesn't post anything on Facebook, so that is no source of information. All I can do is sit and wait, enjoy the otherwise wonderful life that I have, and hope that one day he will come looking for me. I don't feel optimistic in the least. In which case, all I can do is treasure the many happy memories of the times that we had before he was kidnapped.