The End

since we ended, I have been waking up every morning trying to figure out how to move on with myself. The last 6 years, being with you, loving you and planning the next chapter of our lives was the most important thing to me. No matter what you have put me through, I always forgave in away but you always knew it was hard to forget. I never threw your mistakes back at you. All I asked was for the bare minimum in our relationship so we could continue to work together, but to also show each other how much we still love and cared. It’s all I asked for... but instead the words that came out of your mouth made me feel the complete opposite. WE WERE DONE...just done. Move on and never look back. It will be easier for you this way, is what you said. All I needed was space for a night so we could both just cool off, and get space from eachother and we could work it out like we always do. Because we love eachother. When you said we were done, I felt so broken. About 6 months ago, we got drunk at a family party at my sisters house, we all sat on the porch at about 3 in the morning. You drunkenly spoke out loud to my family how much you love me, and you can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together. You even admitted you wanted more kids than we talked about...and how soon you wanted them. You told my family that there was a very good chance there would be a wedding within the next year after the pandemic was over. It sounded so perfect. I thought that after all these years of being together and being able to stay strong and work things out, even when you gave me reasons to leave, I thought with you talking to my family, it was going to happen soon like you said. You made so many broken promises. A month before we ended, we celebrated 6 years together. A couple weeks go by, we are telling my family where we thought about spending our honeymoon. We talked about Santorini, in Greece. I always talked about how beautiful I thought it was, and I really wanted to go. So you suggested we make it our honeymoon trip. You also ask me if I want a wedding ring or if we should get tattoos instead, but I told you I wanted a wedding ring because I was afraid that if we got tattoos, somewhere down the line we would get divorced and we wouldn’t be together anymore. But you always said something to make me think it wasn’t an option and we would be together forever. I know we weren’t perfect and a long term relationship is A LOT of work. But I was ready to work at it for the rest of our lives. I still love you. I know I always will. Regardless of everything, I STILL WANT YOU. Having to face the harsh truth of us really being over still hurts. I know it has damaged me in many ways. I know I will be fine without you but planning a future without you in it makes my heart heavy. It’s been 1 month since you left me. So far I have planned big things for myself, I’m actually looking forward to achieving them. But I know the first person I wanted to share thoes achievements with was you. You were the best and the worst love of my life. It’s weird to say but I will always be great full.