The Distance Between Us: Living in Different Countries

My wife and I live in different countries. It’s a situation that might sound strange or even unbearable to many people, even for me before this whole situation, but today for us, it’s a reality we’ve learned to navigate. Our separation has driven us to reevaluate what marriage and what love look like when two people are thousands of miles apart.

Our current life is different from the one we had in mind when we exchanged vows, but we're figuring out how to make it work in ways we never would have.

The Reasons Behind the Separation

It was never our intention to live apart in fact we thought at first that we would be together forever, sharing a bed, a roof, a life... However, life has a way of throwing us curveballs, and ours arrived in the form of opportunities for careers that we both had to seize. Her job kept her in our contry, while mine took me to another.

Although it wasn't an easy choice to make, we both realized how important these chances were to our future—as a couple and as individuals, especially considering the situation in our country.

The choice to live apart was motivated primarily by practical reasons. It didn't seem fair to either of us to give up our well-earned positions because we had both worked hard to get where we were in our careers. We also understood that these chances would not last indefinitely and that we would eventually be able to get back together. We made the decision to accept the short-term split because we understood that it was a sacrifice for our long-term objectives.

The Challenges of Long-Distance Marriage

Living in different countries comes with its own set of challenges. The most obvious one is the physical distance. We can’t just reach out and hold each other’s hand when things get tough. We are unable to eat dinner together at the end of the day or wake up beside one another every morning. The absence of these commonplace, everyday moments can exacerbate the perception of distance.

There’s also the issue of time zones and it is that when I’m getting ready for bed, she’s just in the middle of her day and even coordinating our schedules to talk, even for a few minutes, requires planning and effort.

And there's the psychological cost which is very hard because I am crying while I write this lines, there is a very real sense of missing out on each other's lives when you are apart. Little victories, everyday annoyances, and quiet times that comprise a life together are not things we are there for. Holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays are commemorated on screens, which can make them seem less significant and authentic.

Sometimes the loneliness is unbearable, especially when you realize that the one person who could lift your spirits is so far away.

Another challenge is the pressure to make the most of the time we do have together. When you only see each other a few times a year, every moment feels precious, and there’s a temptation to make those moments perfect. But life isn’t perfect, and trying to make it so can lead to disappointment and frustration.

We’ve had to learn to let go of the idea that our time together has to be ideal and just enjoy being in each other’s presence, imperfections and all.

Finding Strength in Communication

Our relationship is now based primarily on communication. When intimacy isn't guaranteed, words take on even greater significance. We now know how to discuss anything and everything, from the little things in our daily lives to our biggest worries and fears. We've got to learn how to listen more effectively and to be more understanding and patient.

Our ability to verbally communicate our love and support for one another has enhanced our emotional connection in unexpected ways.

Despite the advantages and disadvantages of technology, if you are faced with the same situation, you already know how easy life is in the modern world. On one hand, this makes it possible for us to safeguard relationships in a manner that was unimaginable a few decades ago. Through text messaging, phone calls, video chats, and sharing our lives, we can instantly communicate.

However, despite its advancements, technology still has its limitations, one of which being that video calls will never be able to replace face-to-face intimacy. The screens act as an unbreakable barrier separating us and serve as a constant reminder of our distance from one another. You feel as though you could smash through the screen, but you know that's not feasible.

The Importance of Trust

Being apart for long periods can breed insecurity and doubt. It’s easy to let your mind wander, to imagine the worst, especially when you’re not there to see what’s really happening. We’ve had to build and maintain a strong foundation of trust, knowing that without it, our marriage wouldn’t survive.

We trust each other’s commitment to the relationship, even when things get tough, and that trust has been a source of comfort during the hardest times.

Part of building that trust has been being honest with each other about our feelings. We’ve learned to talk openly about our fears, our frustrations, and our needs. We've discovered that being honest is the only way to maintain our connection, even though it's not always easy to admit when you're feeling insecure or alone.

In addition, we've learned to respect one another's independence because we know that our commitment to one another doesn't diminish even when we're apart.

Making the Most of Our Time Together

When we do get the chance to be together, we try to make the most of it. We concentrate on the small things that we miss when we are apart. We can create amazing memories by doing simple things like cooking dinner, taking walks, or just relaxing on the couch while watching a movie. How do we make this happen? We have learned to treasure the ordinary moments that many couples take for granted, so we make a video call and share all those moments.

We’ve also realized that quality time is more important than quantity. While we might not have as much time together as other couples, the time we do have is deeply meaningful. Since we know it will be months before we meet again, we are totally present with one another and enjoying every second. We've learned from this to be happy with what we have rather than dwelling on what we lack.

The Strength of a Shared Goal

One of the things that keeps us going is knowing that this separation is temporary, we know we will be together soon again. Our common objective is to eventually return to our home country and start a family together. We have hope because we have the same goal, same vision, which also keeps us concentrated on the bigger picture. Even on the days when the distance seems insurmountable, it can be difficult to stay focused on that objective, but knowing that we're striving for something bigger gives us strength.

Having a shared goal also means that we’re both willing to make sacrifices. We’ve had to make difficult choices, to give up things we wanted in order to keep our marriage strong. But those sacrifices feel worth it because we know they’re leading us to a future where we can be together. The distance has taught us the value of patience and perseverance, and it’s strengthened our commitment to each other.

The Unexpected Benefits of Distance

While living in different countries has been challenging, it has also brought some unexpected benefits. The distance has given us a new appreciation for each other and for the time we spend together. It has made us more independent, more resilient, and more adaptable. We’ve had to learn to rely on ourselves and on each other in new ways, and that has made our marriage stronger.

The distance has also forced us to focus on the emotional aspects of our relationship. Without the distractions of everyday life, we’ve had to really listen to each other, to understand each other’s needs and desires. This has deepened our emotional connection and brought us closer together, despite the physical distance.

Living apart has also given us the opportunity to grow as individuals. We’ve both had the space to pursue our own interests and careers, to develop our own identities outside of the marriage. This has made us more well-rounded individuals, and it has added a new dimension to our relationship. We’ve learned that it’s possible to be both independent and deeply connected, to have our own lives while still being committed to each other.

Looking to the Future

As we look to the future, we know that the distance won’t last forever. We’re working towards a time when we can be together again, but until then, we’re making the best of the situation. Living in different countries has tested our marriage in ways we never imagined, but it has also brought us closer together.

We’ve learned to communicate better, to trust each other more, and to appreciate the time we have together. We’ve faced the challenges head-on, and we’ve come out stronger on the other side.

Our marriage isn’t perfect, but then, no marriage is. The distance between us is just one of many challenges we’ll face in our lives together. But we’ve learned that love isn’t just about being physically close; it’s about staying connected, staying committed, and staying strong, no matter what life throws our way.

Living apart has shown us that our love can endure, that it can thrive even in the most difficult circumstances. And that knowledge gives us the strength to keep going, to keep loving, and to keep building our life together, one day at a time.