The Competition Fallacy: Conditioning Women to Destroy Each Other

fal·la·cy [noun]: a mistaken belief, especially one based on unsound argument.

While there is some debate about the origin of chess, the general consensus dates back to India and chaturanga, a board game depicting a war between two armies. Over the centuries, as the game was adapted between nations, small changes were made to the rules and shapes of the pieces, eventually evolving into the game we know today.

In both the original and the current version, victory is based on the survival of one piece, the king, a pitiful creature able to move only one solitary square at a time. The queen, by contrast, is the most powerful piece on the board, capable of moving as many squares as she likes in whatever direction she chooses. Although she has the most power and is the most feared, the sole duty of the powerful queen is to defend and protect the king.

Despite the king and queen being the only two pieces on the chessboard that are specifically gendered, it is assumed that the rest of the pieces are male. The pawns, foot soldiers, were historically male as women were not allowed into battle, as were the knights. While the first female bishop was ordained in the Anglican Church in New Zealand in the 1990s, it wasn’t until more than a decade later that the practice became more widespread, and as such, we can assume that the bishops, too, are male. While the castle is a fortress and not human, and although there is no historical gendered identity with the castle, it is assumed to be masculine in intent.

Therefore, in the 32-piece game, only two positions were reserved for women, and their entire identity was to create as much havoc as possible to protect their king.

The game of chess perfectly illustrates patriarchal ideologies around women in the workplace: Create a disproportionate number of jobs for women and ensure their primary roles are to support men. Historically, this came in the form of teachers, nurses, secretaries and domestic workers, ironically, some of the most vital roles on this planet. Not so ironically, they were also roles that men considered beneath them.

Secretaries made the lives of male bosses easier, nurses handled the day-to-day care of patients, allowing male doctors to swoop in, do the “hard” work, and swoop back out again. Teachers educated children in the ways of the patriarchy, leading classrooms and managing children, which, after all, is women’s work. The male headmasters, principals, and leaders of the school districts made all the decisions, knowing nothing of the struggles of an average classroom, only too happy to stand on the stage, handing out diplomas to every graduating class.

Despite women making up 51% of the population in the United States in 1950, only 29.6% of the workforce was female, and they were disproportionately represented in clerical, service, and factory jobs. By 1970, those numbers had increased to just under 40%, but the job distribution remained largely unchanged, with Canada performing much the same as its southern neighbour.

From 1950 to 1970, opportunities for women in the United Kingdom were higher than those in North America, primarily due to labour shortages resulting from the Second World War; however, they were limited to roles such as secretaries, typists, nurses, teachers, shop assistants, and domestic workers.

In the 1950s in the United States, only 10% of professional positions were held by women, and they had to fight for them. Allowing one in ten skilled positions for women ensured that they would fight and claw each other to get them. The competition was high, and the men sat back and watched the women denigrate, badmouth, and pull each other down for that one position.

Time has marched on, and more positions have become available to women; however, this mentality still exists in offices everywhere. I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard people say, “I don’t like working with women.” “I don’t like being in an office with women.” “I don’t like how emotional women are at work.” Unfortunately, most of these comments have come from women, the ideology in these false narratives implanted by the patriarchal conditioning that plagues our planet.

We have been trained at a cellular level to disparage and belittle each other to fight for that one position that no longer exists.

There is now more than one position, but we are still fighting for it, nonetheless.

As I have written previously, we have been living in a patriarchal world for much of our collective history. For women, it’s been a rough ride. We were sentenced to the kitchen, our main roles built around child rearing and keeping the home fires burning for the men. More importantly, we were restricted from receiving an education and in some societies, banned from gaining knowledge completely. In some sects, it is still happening even today!

To keep anyone from acquiring knowledge is based on only one thing: Fear. Only cowards fear a society where minds are broadened and understanding is deepened.

The Cult Dynamic

My first job was in a bank, and only one of the nine managers was a woman. In the office, she needed to be tough, dress more masculine, and be a “ball-buster”. Compassion and kindness were not acceptable and seen as weaknesses, despite being strengths.

Very few things in life are as difficult as embracing forgiveness, and nothing reaps better rewards and benefits than letting go.

For those of us who fought our way into offices before the turn of the century, we remember the almost cult-like environment of working for “the man,” and for men.

Cults run on the premise of one all-knowing, all-powerful (mostly male) leader. The members feel that they are never good enough, there is usually abuse of the followers, conformity and control, zero tolerance for criticism and questions, and absolute authority of the leader without accountability - fairly reminiscent of my first job as a lackey for one of South Africa’s leading banks.

Despite having a more responsible position, I earned less than my male colleague who started a few months after me. To ensure that I kept up with the demands of the job while learning, I clocked a lot of overtime in my first month. It was made abundantly clear that I was not to let the work slide, however, at the end of the month, I was still pulled into the manager’s office and asked (it was an offer I was not allowed to refuse) to reduce the hours on my timesheet so he wouldn’t be questioned about it from payroll.

He made himself out to be the victim.

My enthusiasm had put him in a tough spot. Male managers often make themselves out to be victims of the female work ethic and frame many conversations as if they are doing us a favour.

In that job, most of the men didn’t pull as many hours as the women, but when they did, they weren’t required to falsify timesheets. There was little slack for us if we didn’t complete our demanding workloads, and we were often passed up for promotion. When one did come along, we were pitted against each other to get it, while the men watched on, firmly ensconced in the boys’ club. The female manager was sent in to keep us in order when one became too uppity, unaware of how her actions aligned with her colleagues’ patriarchal values.

After all, she had earned her position, and we needed to follow suit, despite no positions being available for the rest of us.

I’m sure that many of the women reading this have plenty of similar stories, and unfortunately, far worse ones. I, too, have plenty more.

Keeping women hypervigilant of each other is the best way to control them, and it allows male-dominated power structures to retain their “rightful” places in power.

It is still within us

I listen to women of my mother’s generation talk about all they did to help the fight, about how far they think women have come, and how valued our gender is, and yet, they still speak words conditioned in the male patriarchy. I hear them validate men and denigrate women. I hear them still call powerful women bitches, floozies, cows, and witches, while calling powerful men heroes, visionaries, leaders, and innovators without any awareness of what they are doing, conditioned in misogyny while advocating for their own needs.

I hear them call a woman who marries an older man a gold-digger, but never a slur on the creepy old guy marrying younger women. I hear them justify men’s behaviour with adages like, “Men are men,” or “What can you do? They’ll never change!” When corrected or challenged, they become defensive, turning their anger back toward women instead of educating themselves. Trying to recondition themselves to advocate, not perpetuate, and what they don’t understand, they disregard as ridiculous or unnecessary or “woke.”

Women have been conditioned to fight each other. Nothing pleases the patriarchal work environment more than creating only one available position and watching us tear each other apart to get it. We have been trained to pull each other down and go for the throat to grab those opportunities for ourselves instead of banding together and demanding that more positions become available to our gender, or supporting each other to get them.

We have purposefully been trained to believe that working with other women is difficult. If we dislike working with other women, we will attempt to keep them out, thereby taking our rightful place in the worship of the masculine power dynamic.

The younger generation of women has figured out the game and is having none of it.

I respect them immensely for that! Calling them entitled or lazy adds even more to the denigration of women. The fact that these young women know their value and worth and refuse to be exploited is admirable in my eyes. Believing that we “paid our dues” does not mean we did it the right way, and it also does not mean that we should expect the generations that follow to have to deal with the same issues.

That’s not progress; that’s oppression.

We took a long time to gain some level of equality, but we still don’t have it entirely.

When comparing female representation in STEM jobs between Eastern European and Western countries, Katie Jgln writes:

In contrast, women in Western countries remain significantly underrepresented in the very same fields. In the US and UK, women make up just 27% and 29% of the STEM workforce, respectively. Australia fares the worst — only 15% of its STEM jobs are occupied by women.

It is also no secret or surprise that gender pay gaps still exist in Western countries today. In 2025, Canada, the United States, the UK, and Australia still have 12%, 15%, 11%, and 22% pay gaps, respectively.

On a positive note, patriarchal norms are being challenged, and they are disappearing. We are far closer to showing support for each other; in fact, it is the younger generation of women who are hellbent on creating strong and supportive circles of women around themselves, for example, the Millennial Girl Squads and the Gen Z Girl Gangs.

Being aware of our biases and cultural conditioning is important. Stopping ourselves from engaging in patriarchal name-calling and competitive speech is vital. There is a place for every one of us to thrive. Let’s learn from each other and support each other.

Let’s fight patriarchal conditioning. Viva la resistance!

Please feel free to buy me a coffee if you like what you read.