The Breakup

Yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend. We were laying in his bed about to take a nap and I was stoned out of my mind and I looked at him and realised that I didn’t like him anymore. So I left. I just got up, put my shoes on, called my uber and walked out the door. An hour or so later he noticed I wasn’t coming back and sent me a text. We mutually decided that I was too much and he was not enough and decided to go our separate ways. I wish I could say breakups were that easy but they are only that easy at first. After a nap I was no longer stoned and all of my feelings came to the surface and I made the number one mistake you can make in a breakup. I texted him. Big mistake. I think that the best way to put it is that he was less than nice to me about the situation and said all sorts of things to make me feel small and it worked. My head quickly filled with all kinds of self consciousness and self doubt. It’s exactly what he meant to do and I let him. It is important to remember that during a break up, you both are in control, just not of each other. You are you and they are them. I have created rules for myself revolving around this concept that has really helped me remember who the fuck I am and once I began following these rules I realized how truly easy it can be to move on without skipping a beat.

Rule One: Don’t text them back

The number one mistake we make as humans during a break up is responding to our ex’s. From my experience nothing comes of this other than prolonging the inevitable. If you’re going through a breakup I want you to clear your head and think about the reason why your relationship didn’t work out in the first place. Whether or not you talk to them and decide to get back together is whatever, but do you honestly believe that the reason this happened in the first place is going to change? The rule says no. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule but recognize that the exception to the rule still doesn’t change the rule. Cutting off communication is key in a breakup which is why this is rule number one. The second you break up with someone you begin to heal and every time you break this rule you’re just opening old wounds. Block their number, block their facebook, their Insta, their twitter and move the fuck on.

Rule Two: Make your bed

This is my personal favorite rule. The first thing I do when I wake up every morning is make my bed. I do this even when I am not going through a breakup but the concept is the same. Yesterday I was sad and stayed in bed most of the day but today I woke up, made my bed and cleaned the rest of my space. I usually deep clean my apartment after going through something like a breakup because it feels like a fresh start. Decluttering your life will do the same for your mind. You are already overwhelmed and should be making moves to change that.

Rule three: Revenge Body

WORK OUT. I mean it. Go for a run, go for a walk, do some sit ups…… Get out of your damn house and burn some calories. I can be in the worst mood of my life and go for a run and it’s night and day. Treat yourself well because when you do you begin to see changes in yourself that provide a confidence that no one else but yourself can give you. My least favorite part of relationships is how lost I get in them. I start to worry about them and what they want rather than me and what I want and my favorite part of a break up is finding myself again. The truth is that we are social beings but we thrive alone because we have more time to focus on ourselves. It’s all about a healthy combination of mind and body. Working out builds endorphins which alone will improve how you feel, combine that with the confidence you feel when you hit it hard and you’re unstoppable.

Rule four: Forgive yourself

Chances are if you are reading this, you have already forgiven them enough to take them back so stop. We are too hard on ourselves during breakups. “What is wrong with me?” or “What could I have done differently?” Not a damn thing. A Lot of times there isn’t anything “wrong” with either of you, you are just different and it’s hard for the brain to accept. Stop asking these questions and understand that no one is perfect. Not you and certainly not me. Accept yourself for who you are because if you cannot, no one else is going to. Forgiving yourself and understanding who you are is so powerful because you can then start to understand what you are looking for and what you are willing to tolerate from other people. Don’t pay attention to the things that others say about you during this time, it’s doing absolutely nothing to them and everything to you.

Rule Five: Get rid of it

This goes hand in hand with rule two. It’s all about decluttering your mind. Did your boyfriend give you a bunch of shit that is scattered around your room like their damn suitcase exploded everywhere? Why are you still looking at them? Look around your room, do you see a trash can? No? Go into your kitchen, Do you see a garbage disposal? Yes? Perfect! Throw that shit down the drain where it belongs and turn that sucker on. If you don’t have a disposal, fire works equally well. All jokes aside, my point is to get rid of it. It is impossible to forget about someone if they are everywhere you look. Out of site truly is out of mind.

These rules of mine are not scientific and some of you might look at this and laugh, some of you might not though and it might even help some of you that are hurting. The truth is, we are all crazy and we all have shit that we need to work out within ourselves and anyone who doesn’t understand that doesn’t deserve the ability to make you feel negatively about yourself. You need to understand your part in things as well and take note of them and let it the fuck go.