The Best Teachers in Life

As I have heard a number of times in my life. ‘If you haven’t suffered, you haven’t lived long enough. Suffering is part of life like birth and death, I wish it wasn’t so, but it is so. I am sure we all wish it was not so.

Tragedy and suffering have a function and those that have suffered have something to offer others. Psychologists, Psychiatrists and Psychotherapists, counsellors, gurus and teachers, all have their place depending on your outlook and what works for each individual.

The most insightful and deep understanding in my experience has been those who have walked in the shoes and experienced the challenges of life first hand.

The West vs the East

Western culture has a lot to learn from Eastern cultures, where the elderly are revered for their insight and knowledge. In the West we like shiny new things, we change things fast and with little thought. We have little respect for the elderly and their insights.

How many times are buildings with heritage, or significance demolished for a shiny new hotel or office block. How many times are las changed without the deeper thinking required for the implications of those changes. This happens all the time. Some politician doesn’t like a law, or some town planner does not like the look of a building and developers have a lot of money and town planners and councillors like people with a lot of money. Politicians also like people with a lot of money.

We do the same to our elderly, as we do to laws and buildings, they are seen as doddering old people that only know about the past. I believe that they have a wealth of lived experience, and if we took the time to sit and listen we would realise that they are wise, a wisdom forged in experience.

I remember the saying “I was 7 years old and my parent were super heroes, they knew everything and were invincible, then I turned 14 and realised they knew nothing, by the time I reached 21 I realised that they had learn’t a lot in 7 years, and by the age of 28 I need their wisdom.”

In the East there is still that respect for the elderly, particularly in Japanese culture.

Think of what they have suffered through and here they are willing and able to assist us on how to get through tough times. People need not be old to have had experiences that can assist others.

People who have suffered have deep insights to share with others. Never be ashamed if you have suffered at the hands of some unscrupulous person. You have suffered and gained knowledge to assist others. Make lemonade from the lemons that life has dealt you, if it is not too painful. I understand too that some things are just too painful and people may never want to speak openly about what they have endured.

Some of the greatest people in history were born through struggle, as they say, ‘diamonds are created under immense pressure.’ Or ‘gold is refined in the furnace,’ those scars, physical and emotional can be the scars that serve others.

Personally I would rather hear from someone who has been there and suffered through it than someone who has studied theory, but never actually experienced what they are advising on.

The soldier who has been to combat and knows the conditions of war is way more insightful than the soldier who has trained for war but never actually fought in one.

The divorced single mom with three kids has deeper and more practical knowledge than the therapist (happily married) counselling women who are divorced. Once again I am not saying there is no place for therapists, as we cannot all experience every kind of suffering, and that is something I am very happy about. I think if there is someone who has experience of what you are going through they have a richer and deeper knowledge.

They have a greater emotional well to draw from in understanding the struggles that you are dealing with. These people that have gone through tragedy, or suffered are wise and we should all listen to them. Tragedy can be the best teacher. It is not the nicest lesson to learn but deep understanding is never easy to obtain. Sit and listen to those who have been through tough times, who have faced tragedy head on and want to speak about it, not doing so robs us all of that wisdom.