That's Part of Life

That’s Part of Life

I’ve never been hurt like this before. I let too many toxic experiences linger in my mind for an unreasonably long time. The anger I feel never escaped, nor my feelings of regret for allowing certain things to happen. I’m weak today, and I don’t have the desire to even sit up in bed or roll over onto the floor to stand to brush my teeth. My taste buds are asleep because I haven’t eaten in a day. That’s just how I feel right now, very much dead but still alive, staring at the ceiling, counting chip paint, watching a spider crawl into his little hole above the window next to my bed. Usually, when my life isn’t right, and I’m not happy, I always know how to turn a somber moment back to something I can settle into peacefully. I'm thankful for the ocean. I’m under a spell every time I glimpse at the sea, feeling serene. Just watching the light from the sun bounce off the ocean waves reminds me as a child why I would sit in the sand and stare off into the city, captivated by the ocean’s majestic spirit. As my problems become subdued, my world is at peace with a snap of a finger.

Although the ocean has numbed the pain I feel when I reminisce about the many troubling times, I had in my life, it isn’t the only resource I use when I’m crippled into a depressed state. Music plucks my heartstrings and tickles my tummy like a new lover. I’m excited by the beat or the snazzy sound of Rhythm and Blues vibrating cords. Every time the beat is on, my body yells, your alive young lady, get up and enjoy what life has to offer you, good or indifferent!! When the king of pop sings, “Life ain’t so bad at all, at all,” I understand with every gyrating movement my body makes. I feel the change creeping into my dance, my emotions. I transcend right down Memory Lane, unable to pause my limbs or the great feeling that takes over me. My arms flap and my body move like a scared chicken with no particular dance steps or popular moves feeling free and unrestricted. That’s just the way music has always made me endure and behave. It still irons out the kinks in my life no matter what the season brings.

Life is weird sometimes thou, because out of know where for the past two days, I replayed every event that traumatized my life over and over in my mind. I’m thinking I know how to get out of a slumber mood, so why is today any different? I don’t know. I don’t have an answer to that question. As I said, the beach and music have always been my 911 emergency number when I felt like I was sinking into a hole of no return, but not even today these two things can rescue me. It’s nighttime, so my sight is a little blurry since I’m about to fall asleep. I’m lying on my side watching a whimsical commercial with flowers and beauty floating every which way. And there it was, the most beautiful shade of lipstick I’ve seen in my life. It was eggplant purple with a sleekness like porcelain. I gasped like a stadium in shock when a dark-skinned model applied the lipstick to her lips, ahh. I thought about that lipstick all night, and soon as my eyes opened the next day, I showered and was out the door on the way to the mall. After purchasing the lipstick, I sat in my car like I didn’t know what to do next. Finally, I slid the lipstick out of its golden case and twisted the base. I stared into the rearview mirror like my five-year-old self, playing in my mother’s makeup; I applied my lipstick to my full lips and fell back into my seat, relieved. I felt great and cute as a button.