Stop fooling yourself

None of us want to appear lying in front of people because it would be untrustworthy to say the least, and immoral at worst; but we are content to lie to ourselves all the time. Self-deception does not have to make sense to us, lying is telling something that you know is not true, being a liar and a deceiver together means that you know the truth and do not learn it at the same time, this is defined in clinical practice as a person deliberately ignoring basic information, to get a more favorable result of what the facts indicate.

How to deceive ourselves?

We all deceive ourselves; but this fact does not make it harmless because it is associated with poor mental health when it appears at high levels, but it protects against negative emotions temporarily when it exists at medium levels. This is a barrier to the safety that comes from living with integrity, so if we want to be happy, we have to be honest with ourselves.

Few people are completely honest with others, and research conducted on a number of students at the University of Massachusetts Amherst found that 60% of them lied at least once during a conversation that lasted only 10 minutes, while many of them lied many times.

The distortion of reality within our minds can be very common, one scientist says: "all humans deceive themselves," and no one is completely true to themselves because the truth is so easily painful.

Accuracy in perceiving the world around us is a common feature of depression, sometimes referred to as" depressive realism " (r), life is easily filled with harsh truths, and to increase your understanding of the matter.

We deceive ourselves to defend it:

Fooled some people, sometimes in self-deception in defense of their view of themselves or to summon up their courage, and a former member of the Senate Al Franken (Al Franken) this phenomenon in the program of the manifold of Saturday Night Live (Saturday Night Live) when played host television programs turbulent and indulged in self-help called Stuart Smalley (Stuart Smalley), it keep saying: "I'm a good, smart enough, I'm holding on than I do and everyone loves me."

Similarly, if public speaking isn't one of your strengths, you can try self-reinforcing to get courage before a scary presentation by saying to yourself, "I'm a great speaker". On a larger level, a contractor might convince himself that his mindless scheme he sticks to is a great idea.

To fake it until something is perfect, but to hide the truth from yourself until the end is a completely different thing. It is possible that you will succeed in school by cheating, or because of the teachers ' preferential treatment of you; but you convince yourself that your success is the result of your effort.

The experiment conducted by psychologist Paul K. Bev (u) shows Piff) and colleagues in 2020 that humans tend to value the role of luck when they fail more than when they succeed, for example: your colleague believes that her promotion at work is the fruit of her ingenuity; but others see that she got it because she is the niece of the boss.

Denial and self-deception:

You may justify your privileged treatment by deceiving yourself in assessing your worthiness; but that makes it more difficult to notice and appreciate true diligence, which in itself is bad.self-deception becomes dangerous when you deny the painful truths you have to face, such as toxic relationships and harmful habits.

In 2016, researchers found that alcoholics and drug addicts show high degrees of self-deception, including denial (I can quit whenever I want), and selective memory loss (I wasn't drunk last night).

Lying to oneself leads us to postpone making the changes we need, and it incites us to lie to others as well. In fact, self-deception is a classic technique of manipulation and persuasion.

The old saying goes," it's not a lie if you believe it, " and indeed, the biologist Robert Trevers has made it clear through his research that people in charge of a particular task are deliberately opposed to hearing evidence to the contrary; in other words, a lemon seller who tries to convince you that his wares are the finest on the market may have convinced himself that this idea is true, too.

Procrastination is a form of self-deception, it can be easy (I'll empty the dishwasher later) or disastrous (I'll call my doctor next week about my chest pain), this form of deception is very expensive because avoiding problems can exacerbate them.

A little self-deception, without harming others, increases happiness in the short term, protects feelings and facilitates life, you are likely to convince yourself that others appreciate you, while allowing some harmless procrastination, but be careful to deny facts that pose a danger to you or others, and do not manipulate others by lying to yourself.

Self-deception reduces happiness:

What about long-term happiness You will feel comfortable living inside a cocoon of lies, it is similar to addiction; but you will never get a sense of satisfaction, and you will only be able to find conviction when facing the truth of yourself.

The existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre (u) sees that all kinds of self-deception, however few, are part of what is called "bad faith": an unwillingness to discover our essence and to assume our true responsibilities as conscious beings; ignorance is a blessing from this perspective; but a waste of life without calculation.

Sartre (r VR VR) was certainly notorious, His commandments stated to live:" without a future, without hope, without imagination"; but his basic idea is true: integrity with oneself is absolutely necessary for personal development, is an essential element of happiness in psychologists, and progress requires that you know honestly where you are compared to what you were before.

Psychologist Steven Pinker says that no matter how helpful self-deception may be for motivation, it must be applied in a balanced way to avoid the harms of not learning from mistakes.

Opinions of researchers:

Researchers believe that self-deception is associated with the inability to see the mistakes we make, which makes self-development more difficult, and internal denial of certain neurotic traits may be comfortable for the time being; but it discourages the effort to make long-term change in the interests of the individual and those around him.

This does not mean counting all negative opinions as real or accepting positive opinions without thinking, the key is to receive important information without taking a defensive stance, and treat the evidence about you in the same way as you do about others.

And in the end:

Each of us must decide whether we want to see the whole truth no matter where it leads, and you can experience it if you are ready to know it, and we advise you to start by challenging yourself to reveal your deception in some small things so that you can feel it in other things later.

Ask yourself this question: what makes others laugh at me behind my back Make a list of your oddities and weaknesses, imagine yourself making jokes about them, make sure you feel comfortable and laugh with others about these traits when they are mentioned, and this training will later give you both comfort and real confidence in yourself as a result of admitting what you have been hiding.

Later on, you can expand into more difficult areas to find out the real reasons behind your success and achievements, confront your health concerns and figure out the reason behind your habits.

If you are afraid of it, ask yourself what comes up: do I prefer people to laugh at me in my absence or in my presence And do I want to get what I sometimes don't deserve Will it be easier to quit smoking if you ignore the problem for another year The path to truth is not easy to accept, but you will feel proud when you realize that the person you see in the mirror is not a liar; rather, he is honest with himself in reality.