Social Media.

Social Media.

Convincing me that I'm bored every thirty seconds, that I need to turn on my phone to kill the boredom, that it is the only way.

Teaching us to compare ourselves every other seconds to the next person that pops up on our home page. Our home page. Our home. They say home is where the heart is, so what does it mean if we keep bringing insecurity, self-loathing, comparison to Our Home?

And the constant comparison teaches us to hate, for we hate what we cannot be. We hate that we're told to wear this, travel there, look like that, be independant, be strong, be pretty, be #couplegoals, be Someone Else. When we can't.

And some who can't, will do all they can to be so. For when you're desperate to be loved, you'll get down on your hands and knees and beg. You'll completely kill the person you were born as in order to fit that image. That perfect image. That image that says, "Be me and you'll be loved".

But for the rest of us, the ones who can't fit that image even though we may try - that hate stays within. We begin to hate anyone who's remotely closer than us. Anyone who seems happy in their own skin, able to ignore the urges to become that "perfect image". Anyone who can be themselves, to hold freedom in their hands, to say "I am who I am and that will never change".

Obsession sets in. We log on two, three, six, twelve, twenty-two times a day. One and off, on and off. A few letters, clicks and searches and we can find whoever we want. We can watch. We can judge. We can envy. We can laugh. We don't have to forget anymore, we can carry these feelings on forever. As if it makes us feel better. To know how everyone is doing. To compare our lives again. Because that's the normal thing to do now.

To compare. To be better. To win. To be on top.

We turn our hurt into walls, We don't learn and move on or forgive and forget. We bury that hate inside and build our walls higher. We're not as open as we used to be. We're not as loyal as we used to be. We have to worry about loving ourselves. But does loving yourself mean forgetting everyone around you?

We can only rely on ourselves, that's what this system has taught us. We believe evert new soul we meet is inevitably going to let us down. Why get our hopes up? We focus on us. Us alone. Our dreams matter, our things matter, our beliefs matter, our lives matter. But 'Our' never meant 'Individual'.

For who are we if we stand alone? Forget the world around us? Are we really that powerful? Are we really that confident? Are we really, happy?

Who cares, right?

This is all too much to think about, to worry about, to wonder about. We want this life easy. We want this life light-hearted. We don't want to go too deeply into anything because maybe, it would threaten our walls. And our walls protect us. Protect us from getting hurt.

To risk getting hurt for the sake of potentially finding love, true happiness - it's not worth it. It's too hard. It takes too long.

Scrolling is faster. We go back to our phones.