Silent Shadows

The color has faded, once bright and full of life is now left desolate and gray. Joy, like a distant relative left me wondering where the time has gone. The unwavering numbness that is now my companion, keeps me cold, isolated and void of real feeling.

How did I get here? So far from where I began. Memories only bring grief of what might have been. I miss the light, the presence of unconditional love. Is there still a place for me there? Where the light drives out the darkness, a place where everyone belongs?

Regardless of skin, height, weight or even status, there is a place where everyone belongs. I was there once. I know of the warmth, the love that surpasses our feeble understanding, where hate and division doesn't exist. But now, the shadows have swallowed me whole.

Silent, creeping in one by one. Small at first, a snide remark here, an unaccepting look there. Insignificant really, and then, the shadows grew. Invading my mind like the plague. Extinguishing the still small voice of love and acceptance. Slowly eating away at my soul.

Crying from the depths of my spirit, "Can you hear your child? Are you still there?"

Bring back the light, guide me again into your arms. Take me away from this. Where the world is beautiful again. Full of mercy and grace, fostering understanding. In your arms, where darkness has no home.

Silent shadows. Created, invading, feeding on the life within me. Threading their way through my veins, slowly killing me. Is this incurable? Can I begin again? Hope come find me.

Just a sliver is all it will take. I invite you, come, cut these puppet strings. A word, a song, come like a river and flood the empty rooms of my soul. Wash me again in extravagant light. For it is my heart's desire.

Breathe life into my lungs. Give me new eyes to see, ears that hear that still small voice. Make my heart beat again, send new marrow to these dry bones. Let your light shine all around me, like fireflies dancing in summers eve.

Tears are my offering, face down on the floor. Waiting. For a glimpse of your presence. Your peace, and joy to fill the room. Waiting for the answer to come in. Like a childhood pen pal that camps out at the mailbox. I implore you, come rescue me.

And then, there it is, like a drop of water in the vast ocean. Becoming one with me. Covering me like a balm, quenching this desert skin. Sinking down into all my pores. Binding the wounds life has created and erasing their existence.

I see now the shadows dissipating, screeching in agony as they slink away into night. My mind filling like a pool with emotions, love, peace, joy. My cup will run over. The pain of the past is gone, the confusion and haziness gone.

Clarity now. Strength coming back to me, and then a mirror. Like a shining star in front of me. Glimpses of my life scrolling through like a movie. I begin to understand now. In every single one, you were there. I couldn't see you in the moment; but sure enough you were there.

My eyes welling up with tears as each moment passes by. As they do, each shadow is lifting, replaced with truth. The truth that I was never alone, the truth that what I went through you did too. Try as I might, I cannot find the words to thank you.

In that moment I hear you say, "You see daughter, I have always been with you. Now stand up and press on. For I will never leave you."