Should Your Partner and Your Friends be FRIENDS?!

Recently, I came across an instagram post that stood out to me. It said that “your boyfriends/girlfriends friends are not your friends”. I laughed. We do realize that relationships are built on the foundation of longevity right? So okay, imagine planning to date someone that will eventually lead to marriage and kids and this long life together YET setting the boundary NOW that your friends are not their friends. I understand the idea behind the thought… but do you see the problem?

Well, it’s simple. Our generation lacks trust due to experiences and pain. In all reality, if you are with someone long enough, your friends will indeed become their friends. Your friends may not hang out with them without you but when they come around, conversations will be had. Jokes will be made. Trust will be built. There will be plenty of moments where you may not be in the room for whatever reason. If you leave the house to run a errand, do you expect the friend to leave? Or if they stay, do you expect your partner to leave the room? Or if your partner is cooking and they are playing the game on the big screen, do you expect the room to be silent?

Personally, I do believe that even if general, my partner and my friends might even have each others number. This could be in case of an emergency or even a freaking surprise birthday situation. You just really never know. The funny thing is, there may be many reasons, not thought of right off bat, why your partner and your friends may have each others number. Now.. do they need to be texting Goodmorning and goodnight everyday? Heck no. Does that happen? Possibly. However, you cannot base the rules of your relationship off of the possibility of infidelity.

The reality is that relationships have to be built on trust. Without trust, there is NO REAL relationship. This issue that we speak on will only be ONE of the endless problems that you will face along the way. The reality is also that, people screw up. People cheat. People lie. People hurt you with no reason behind it, other than their own lack of moral compass. That is why trust is built. That is why in general, relationships are one big leap of faith.

To assume that you will be able to keep your friends and your partner separate is only putting your relationship behind a fence. You know, many people think that it makes no difference but I have been in relationships on both ends and I can gauruntee you that the relationships where my partners friends, became my friends, were always better.

Most of my early on relationships, were the ones where their friends could not be my friends. I remember my boyfriend would have his friends over and I would automatically leave the room. I would speak and then leave. Sometimes I wouldn’t even speak out of fear of it seeming like more than it was. This became a trend in my relationships, without that rule even being set.

Then one day, I was dating someone and I was cooking in the kitchen. His friend came over to hangout and I could not leave the area because food was on the stove. He came over, spoke and I spoke back. I did not even make eye contact because I was so scared. After about 30 minutes, he asked what I was cooking and well the conversation went on from there. Everytime after that, I spoke and we had little random conversation. After about 6 months, little conversation turned into conversation about whatever we fit into the time where we saw eachother. I noticed that this was lowkey my friend too now? He was here everyday and I felt comfortable enough to be in the room with him and it not be awkward. Whenever I saw him in public, I would speak. Whenever he left, he would tell me bye. And it was not weird!

Some people say, well why the hell is any of that necessary. I say it is because it’s not just about the moments we are alone, but about the moments when all of us together. We are able able you join in fun conversation and all feel included. I don’t know about you but my friends are like extended family so they are around often. Them getting along with my partner is important to me. We are all able to hangout without it feeling like third wheel situations. Not only that but my friends are able to give me better advice (if needed) just based off of actually knowing more about my partner from their own point of view.

I remember my boyfriend, at the time, telling me “yeah, Rex thinks you’re awesome. He always says I got lucky”. Some men might find that weird but it’s not! It’s good to have a third party to remind you like yeah relationships are not easy but you have a good one to fight for!

So no, I do not agree with the idea that your relationship has to be in a life of its own. If you see a life WITH somebody, they become a part of the life that you already have. You bring them into it. You don’t separate them from it all, in hopes that it will somehow keep boundaries from being crossed. The truth is, if you’re dating a cheater, they’re going to cheat whether it be with your bestfriend, your boss, your cousin, a stranger and so on.