She Lost Her Husband to the Other Woman

It's inevitable. We all get hurt by the people we love.

Relationships are complex. Sometimes things being perfect can completely freak people out.

Some people crave drama and will take any self-destructive path to regain their comfort level, which is an imperfect state.

Essentially, what defines a perfect relationship for you isn't perfect for your partner, leaving them feeling stifled, ignored, or generally unhappy.

Married folk who feel suffocated may choose to open their monogamous relationship to outsiders instead of going for a divorce.

Although I think it's a great idea, open relationships also have a downside. It can do more harm than good.

Hanks (not his real name) has been married to his high school love for nine years. But they had been together for ten years before that.

They were each other's first and last. Just like most people, he thought their marriage was special. There were no quarrels.

They were honest with each other about what they wanted or felt until his wife started working for a new company.

She made friends with a bunch of women, both married and singles, who introduced her to the concept of polyamory.

His wife had taken a liking to her boss but did not want it to seem like she was betraying her husband, so she suggested they try out open relationship.

Hanks refused the idea and called it absurd. He had noticed some changes in his wife, but he didn't take it seriously. Unlike his wife, she started late night parties, clubbing, and drinking. Then her lack of sexual desire increased because she was always tired.

This made him curious, and he asked her if this idea had anything to do with her boss. She denied it, saying she wanted them to spice up their marriage.

She said she felt like she missed out because they married early and did not want to lose him. So this was a safer option to explore her sexuality and still be with him.

After a lot of convincing, Hanks naively agreed to open up their marriage. His wife started dating her boss while he got into affairs with other women.

After a year of opening their marriage, Hanks started changing. The love and respect he had for his wife began to fade. He thought he could date other women without feeling guilty.

He felt he was betraying his vows, but his wife showed no remorse. She was enjoying the thrill of having one nightstand and dating multiple partners.

One day, Hanks went on a date with an Australian woman who recently moved into their neighborhood.

He didn't expect things to escalate because he was trying to preserve the little love he had for his wife since they opened marriage.

But the woman made him feel secure and wanted. The way she smiled gave him a sense of belonging. He felt at home in her arms. He enjoyed her company, and sex with her was nothing like what he had with his wife.

Hanks began to spend more time with his lover than he did with his wife. The wife became worried when she noticed he was becoming more romantic and comfortable with the new change in their marriage. He would talk to his lover for hours in a mushy and sexy voice, something he had stopped doing with her for the past couple of months.

She felt he was happier with his date than with her, and that made her jealous.

When his wife questioned his relationship with his lover, he quickly reminded her that it was all her idea and that she (his wife) was also in a relationship with her boss.

His wife got upset but held her tongue. After some months, she told her husband that she wanted to close their marriage. Hanks was already in love with his lover and didn't think it was right to just cut off from her.

But he was a good man. The kind that chooses his marriage first. He told his wife he was willing to close their marriage, but his feelings for his lover won't just go away even if they did.

They agreed to sign up for marriage counseling. He needed to know why and how the idea of an open relationship came into her mind. He needed closure on where he had gone wrong to make her want to sleep with other men.

Through a series of counseling sessions, Hank learned that his wife had physically crossed some boundaries in their relationship before they opened their marriage.

He felt betrayed and humiliated. He had trusted her for nineteen years and had been completely loyal to her until she came up with the ridiculous idea of opening their marriage a year and a half ago.

Hank moved out of his family home despite all efforts by his wife to mend their relationship. She realized she had made a terrible mistake, but It was too late to fix what was broken. He thought divorce was the only way he could set both of them free, which was what he did.

Do cheats honestly regret their actions?

Some men do regret cheating on their wives, while others do not regret cheating, but they can feel guilty for getting caught.

Women regret cheating more than men. This could be because women are biologically wired to be emotionally bound to their partners.

Sex hormones such as testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, oxytocin, and vasopressin have differential psychological effects on men and women.

Men involved in polyamorous relationships display higher levels of testosterone than men involved in either a single partner relationship or a bachelor.

There are studies that show that men and women experience the same emotions, but women exhibit them more.

Women are known to have different anatomically shaped tear glands than men and have more prolactin, which is present in the tear glands, as adults.

While girls and boys cry about the same amount at age 12, women typically cry four times as much as men at age 18, which could be explained by higher levels of prolactin.

Culturally, boys and men are taught that masculinity equates to being tough, which for some reason means showing anger and aggression, but not tenderness or sadness.

This is mainly why men show no remorse when they cheat, even if they feel sorry for the pain they caused their partner.

In conclusion

Finding out you've been cheated on can leave you emotionally rattled. It erases all the trust you thought you and your partner had built, and sometimes the damage done can't be undone.

However, if the relationship is strong enough and both partners are willing to work to restore lost trust, it is possible to forgive and move on.

The key is to be sure that your significant other truly feels remorse rather than guilt for cheating.

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