Shards Of Being: Ch. 2

SOPHIA

“I’m not spending my last day in New York with my best friend glued to her phone,” Marina declared as she snatched my phone out of my hands and turned it off completely, keeping it hostage in her own purse. We’d been strolling down Central Park for about thirty minutes now and I wasn't only physically tired, but mentally as well. The stunning autumn foliage surrounding us wasn’t doing anything except making me feel worse.

God, I hated feeling so trapped. Out of control. Helpless. I didn't do well with chaos.

I was tempted to call Brian Acosta, my boyfriend of six months, and tell him it was over. But I was afraid of what he might do to himself if I did. I hadn’t meant for things to get this far, however they have, and it was all my damn fault. It was a trivial thing to be worried about. I knew this. There were people all over this city, all over the world suffering and here I was driving myself crazy over one guy, one I never cared about to begin with.

I was too busy running around trying to forget all the shit going on with school, work, my sort of ex-boyfriend and my horrid home life to realize the kind of damage I was dealing to Brian. Now it might be too late to leave. There was nothing I hated more than to have all the control slip right out of my hands.

“Can't wait to get out of this city. Are we still on for Christmas vacation?” I asked while I pulled apart my salted pretzel and offered her half. She munched on it and washed it down with some water before she continued.

“Definitely. Although, I’m not sure Houston is a good idea for you right now,” Marina warned and I sighed as we took a seat on one of the empty park benches overlooking the water fountain. It was the first day of November and the weather had only grown more chilly and stormy. In fact, there was a thunderstorm heading in our direction later on in the evening. Matched my mood perfectly.

“I need a break. And I’m sure Dave has other plans with his family. Our paths won't be crossing during my visit. I promise,” I lied, hoping she’d somehow believe me and this conversation would die abruptly. I didn’t like lying to my best friend. But I already knew what she thought about my bad habits and I just wasn’t in the mood for another lecture on my taste in guys.

Marina and I shared alot of common interests. Including questionable guys our age. She had no problem letting them go once the relationship was over and grieved for them in solitude. My kind of pain was much louder. It spread into other areas of my life, infected other people around me, until they ended up just as damaged as I was. I suspected Brian was my latest victim and although I felt horrible about it, I needed to find an escape route that wasn't paved with dire consequences.

“Right. Anyways! What’s going on with you and Joseph? You two seemed pretty cozy last night,” she egged on and I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. I didn’t want to talk about Joseph. Mostly because I was curious about him and curiosity never led me to anything good.

“Absolutely nothing. Friendship is a bad idea. He'll see that in time,” I answered as I looked away. Joseph was complicated. And so was I. I had too much on my plate to add a side dish of stranger-with-brooding eyes to my table.

“He seemed pretty chill.”

“Yeah, weed will do that to you, Marina,” I replied with a short laugh. She smirked and shook her head.

“I’m just saying. Maybe there’s more than meets the eye there.”

Yeah, that’s exactly what I was afraid of. I've been down this road before. Still walking on it actually. Or trying my best to crawl out of it.

Love had turned me into this monster. I couldn't allow anyone else to get hurt because I was trying to be human again.

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November flew by quickly and before I knew it, it was December twenty-third. Brian was checking my bags while I went to make sure everything was fine with my ticket to Houston. I was grateful Brian had plans with his own family this Christmas, which gave me some breathing room for the next two weeks. The physiological response I had in his presence was starting to get to me at this point.

I sounded like a horrible person. And maybe I was. But I was the type of person who felt things to the highest degree, and right now, there was no amount of kindness Brian could show me that would erase the immense feeling of disgust that enveloped me when we were together. I felt the bile rising up in my throat from the second he picked me up from my foster mother's house this morning, up until now.

“I’ll miss you, baby,” he promised, kissing the top of my head and I swallowed hard as my hatred for this situation grew by the minute. He wasn't a bad person. Or at least not intentionally. He stood just above me by three inches, hair cropped short, his widened creepy smile making me cringe as he stared at me adoringly. The boy was infatuated with me. It wasn't love. It was my daily mantra and the only thing that had been keeping me sane recently.

“Yeah, me too. Stay safe,” I told him, holding back my stomach contents as I began to stand in line, ticket in hand and watched him walk away. I closed my eyes and prayed to the universe he caught some common sense during this time apart and realized this relationship just wasn’t going to work out.

“Looking a little green there. You okay?” Joseph’s voice brought me out of thoughts and back into reality. He was standing behind me, backpack in tow as he waited for my answer. He clearly towered over me by more than a foot, had gotten a new haircut that framed his rounded face better, wasn't surrounded with the usual stench of weed clinging to his clothes, but wore a delicious smelling cologne instead. This wasn't doing much to my aid my resistance towards him at all.

“I’m fine. What are you doing here?”

“I have family in Texas. Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you,” he teased, showing off his perfect smile. And his smile really did have some kind of affect on me. But he definitely didn’t need to know that.

“Isn’t that what an actual stalker would say?”

“Not exactly. Stalkers don’t usually talk to the object of their affection. They like to observe them, create fantasies from afar and shit,” Joseph claimed and I raised an eyebrow. Huh. Impressive.

“Full of surprises, aren’t you?” He answered with a simple smug grin and I rolled my eyes as we moved up on the line and checked our tickets in.

To my luck, we had been paired next to each other during the four hour flight to Marina's hometown. I didn’t mind. I needed someone to distract me from my fear of heights since I ended up with the window seat. I explained to him my unfortunate situation and he was more than happy to help. He managed to pull out a deck of cards and reached for my hand the moment the plane began to tremble with turbulence during its departure.

“Hey, just look at me. Nothing else. Breathe and relax. And focus on the game you’re about to lose,” Joseph ended his sentence with another proud grin and I instantly responded with a scoff.

“I could beat you in my sleep.”

“Oh yeah? What else do you do in your sleep?” he continued flirting and I took one last breath as the plane finally began to settle above the clouds.

“You’re incorrigible. And incredibly annoying.”

“I can be whatever you need me to be. As long as you don’t throw up on my brand new sneakers.” I had to laugh. He joined me as we continued to play the card game. He kept to himself the rest of the flight. He tuned out after I finally calmed down and he put on his headphones, while I managed to pull out some books to keep myself entertained. The series I’d been so enthralled in had caused me to ignore the fact that he had indeed fallen asleep on my shoulder and I had done nothing about it.

Do I wake him? What if he sleep talks? Should I record it? I snickered at the idea, but decided against it as he began to stir awake when the pilot announced we just landed.

“I must be in heaven,” he muttered after popping a few mints in his mouth and propping his hoodie back up over his head.

“Heaven?” I asked with a raised eyebrow, as I placed my books into my shoulder bag.

“I slept next to an angel,” Joseph joked and I couldn’t help but laugh at his incredibly corny sense of humor. It was oddly refreshing being around him. The world didn't seem so heavy and messy in his orbit.

“You mean slept on. My shoulder will never forgive you,” I quipped and he chuckled as he licked his lips and quickly glanced down at mine.

“As long as the rest of you does, I’m okay with that.”

“You’re such a---”

“I’m just teasing. You’re not my type, remember?” he mentioned with a quick wink, as he took off his seatbelt and headed towards the restroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joseph and I went our separate ways as soon we gathered our luggage from the conveyors. We wished each other Happy Holidays minus all the hugging since we just didn’t do that and exchanged phone numbers so we could carpool back home after New Year’s.

The first text he sent me was a smiley face and I couldn’t help but smirk at the idiot.

“Sophia,” David Arroyo's voice had always had the ability to melt me from the inside out. Today was no different. I’d forgotten where I was for a moment when I turned around and caught him smiling from ear to ear by his pick-up truck. We met each other half way, his arms wrapping around me for an intimate hug. He was well over six-foot-two and made me feel like a midget, but I didn’t care. I missed him more than words could say. Nevertheless, this encounter shouldn't be happening. We were supposed to be staying away from each other. At least in front Marina. She was supposed be here any minute.

“What are you doing here? Marina is supposed to pick me up soon…” I reminded him, and his face fell slightly when I mentioned her. The friendship between them disintegrated the moment she found out about all the girls Dave had been seeing behind my back throughout our year and a half long distance relationship. Naturally, she’d taken my side. The entire situation only grew worse when things between Dave and I had never acquired a resolution. We stayed in each other’s lives long enough to hurt each other and then realized we only did it because we had no idea how to love each other from fourteen-hundred miles away. And then we proceeded to argue about it. Alot. It was incredibly toxic. I knew that. I also knew that no one knew what the hell they were doing at eighteen so I wasn’t exactly worried. And there was also the fact that I had a boyfriend who I only started dating just to forget about Dave, back home.

A boyfriend who was merely a pawn in this game Dave and I started long ago. Again, I knew I was a shitty person. But my cup was already half-empty and it was too late to cry over spilled Mojitos.

“I know. I just never get to see you. You live so far away…” Dave replied, tracing my lips with his thumb. I took a moment to notice what he was wearing. He was sporting a black button down shirt, jeans and boots. His dark hair perfectly disheveled. As if that were possible.

From the outside looking in, this would look like nothing but young and stupid love based on the physical attraction we held for one another. Only the great poets of literature would understand the kind of detrimental damage falling in love at this age did to a person. I was caught and caged into my own web of complex emotions, and all for a person who didn't deserve an ounce of my effort. And I had no idea how to go about fixing it.

“Well, I’m taking that interior design internship after I graduate. We’ll get to see each other all summer. And possibly more if they decide to keep me,” I refreshed his memory and he nodded before leaning down and crushing his lips to mine. I held onto him tightly, deepening the kiss and pouted when he pulled away.

“I just want you happy,” he whispered into my ear, sending delectable shivers down my spine. I licked my lips and hated the fact that we weren’t alone. But we’d have plenty of time for that later on tonight when Marina was asleep and I took the chance to sneak off to Dave’s place.

“Your phone is ringing.” I pulled away from him and reached into my pocket. Marina’s face popped up onto my screen and I winced. She was here. I hope she hadn’t seen Dave and I together. I didn’t want to hear the third degree all the way to her house.

“It’s Marina. I’ll shoot you a text later tonight?” Dave nodded and kissed my temple before hugging me close against him.

His warmth stayed with me after he was gone and up until I met Marina’s chilly glare as soon as I got into her Dad’s truck after loading up my luggage. She must’ve borrowed it to pick me up from the airport. I put on my seatbelt tightly because there was just no telling how bumpy this ride was going to get.

“You’re a goddamn masochist. You know that, right?” Marina began her scolding and I sighed as I opened the window to let some fresh southern unpolluted air in.

“Yeah, what else is new?”