Service With An Attitude

On my way home from work in the south of Spain, late and tired, I stopped off at a pizza place called Telepizza. I ended up wishing I had never bothered. Not because the pizza was in any way bad, lets face it, it's hard to make a mess of a bread base, a spread of tomato puree and a couple of handfuls of mozzarella cheese. What made me rue ever setting foot anywhere near the place was the appalling attitude of the staff.

"Hello, can I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like a pizza please."

"Certainly sir, you can have special offer number one, which includes fries and a fizzy drink. Or we have the family special, which is perfect for a family of four....."

"Ok, stop please, I just want a pizza, nice and simple, cheese and tomato, period. No fizzy drink, no fries, no family size, just a plain and simple pizza."

"I'm sorry sir, you can't buy just a pizza, you have to buy one of our special offers."

"Okay, listen carefully, young lady. This is a pizza shop, yeah? And you're here to sell people pizzas, yeah? So if you don't mind, I would like to buy a pizza."

"No, sir, you're not listening. It's special offer or nothing."

At this point I should have just walked, but I was very hungry and had nothing in at home and it was too late to go shopping."

"Okay, can I speak to the manager, please?"

The girl gave me a filthy look as if to say "How dare you ask for the manager. You're here to cause me trouble aren't you, I can tell." Then off she strode to chat with the manageress who was busy sitting in the window chatting on her mobile.

I could see from the manageress's face that she was not happy to be interrupted. How dare somebody disturb her whilst she is busy having a chinwag with her friend Jane about the guy she met last night at the local jive. The manageress gave me a look up and down, as filthy as the girl under her. Then, just to get rid of the girl, she nodded her head to my request as she said something to the girl.

The girl came back to the counter and said

"Ok wise guy, you can have just a pizza, it's ten euros."

"Are you joking? The special offers are half that price!"

"Do you want the pizza or not, big boy?"

"Right, give me special offer number one with the fries and fizzy drink." I said out of desperation.

The girl punched the order into the till, then suddenly stopped.

"I need your mobile phone number."

"No, you don't. What, so that you can deluge my incoming mail with special offers? No, no number."

"Then I can't sell you anything."

"Ok, give me your number and I'll give you mine."

"What? Are you serious? That is sexual harassment? How dare you ask for my number! Who d'yo think you are?"

"Well, this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, young lady, but I am what is called a customer and I just want to buy a freakin pizza baby. Do you think you can handle that? Because if that simple frickin task is beyond your limited capabilities maybe you ought to think about a career change."

The girl went back to the still chattering manageress and came back with the answer, "Okay, this time we'll do it. Next time you won't be so lucky."

It is sad to report that this type of employee abuse towards customers is really quite common in Spain. The culprits are more often than not the large chains or franchises. One of the worst is Vodafone.

As a Vodafone customer with a two-year contract I went into one of their three shops in the city to ask about having a modem installed in my apartment. The treatment was every bit as bad as it was in Telepizza.

Just inside the front door was a machine into which everybody had to input all their personal data. Far, far more than anybody would consider reasonable. I simply refused to spend ten minutes of my time inputting lots of highly sensitive personal information just to ask for a brochure about modems.

I stood waiting for a few minutes for an assistant to become free. During that time somebody else came in behind me and went through the automated inquisition. Suddenly an assistant became free, and I stepped forward.

"Can I have your ticket, please?"

"No, I'm a Vodafone client and just need a brochure about modems please."

"Are you Simon sir?"

"No, I am not Simon. I think that maybe the gentleman behind me, who came in after me. Now can I just have a brochure about modems." The girl just ignored me and looked over my shoulder, calling out...

"Simon, can you come forward please sir, I haven't got time for this nonsense."

I was absolutely furious "EXCUSE ME!!! I AM A CUSTOMER OF VODAFONE!"

"Right, sir, you can talk to the manager. He'll be free in a moment."

I stepped back and waited for the jerk of a manager giving me dirty looks. Eventually, he beckoned me forward. "What can I do for you?" he barked as he looked me up and down like I was a piece of dogshit. “I'm a Vodafone customer and I am interested in buying a modem please.”

"Have you got a ticket from the machine, sir?"

"No, it's too intrusive. You do not need all that information. As a contracted customer you already have more than enough personal information about me."

"No ticket, no service. Now get out before I call the police."

As I turned to walk out, I overhead the manager telling the next customer that I was just some English idiot out to cause trouble.

Now I really wish I could say that these were isolated incidents. In fact, this type of treatment is all too common.

Sometimes people ask me which is the best Spanish bank. My answer has to be none of them. Harsh? What can I say when two banks have lost my in credit accounts and refused to do anything about it?

"What do you mean, you've lost my account? Then find it, please."

"I'm sorry sir, I think your account was part of a tranch of accounts our bank sold to some North American bank. That's all I know."

"Which bank? Where? Have you got a name or telephone number for this North American bank?"

"No, sir, not a clue. I'm sorry, I have to ask you to leave now."

Absolutely unbelievable. The second bank to lose my account, Banco Santander, equally refused to deal with me and advised that I apply for a new account.This nonsense did not at all surprise me since I had dealings with them before.

There was a time when Vodafone would only let customers pay their bill via the bank. In reality, Banco Santander really did not want the inconvenience. So the bank posted a notice on the door and all around the inside on the tellers' windows you could only pay a Vodafone bill between nine and ten o'clock on a Thursday morning.

I once stood in the Q to pay my bill for forty minutes whilst the bearded teller of mature years passed ten minutes of social conversation with almost every customer in front of me. When it was finally my turn, the clock showed two minutes past ten. When I told this idiot what I wanted, he rudely replied...

"Can you not read, sir? The sign is clear to see all around the room. You're too late. Thank you and goodbye. NEXT!"

I was absolutely furious. What made it all the more frustrating was that I had to wait another week to pay the bill, during which time Vodafone would cut me off for none payment, and it would take me a week more after paying to get reconnected. I just wanted to punch the arrogant bar steward on the nose. However, being a passive person and law-abiding citizen, I just turned and walked back out.

Somebody once said if an airline pilot with all the responsibility of flying a 300 ton plane full of people at 500 miles per hour five miles high can find it within himself to speak politely to the paying customers why can't everybody else.

Another commentator pointed out that it costs people like Sainsbury's supermarkets millions of pounds in advertising and marketing to get me to their check out with a trolly full of shopping, only for it to all screwed up by a snot-nosed, attitudey check out assistant.

Service with a smile? More like a very bad attitude.