Screw Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is my least favorite holiday.

The whole holiday consumerist culture thing to prove your love for your significant other on VDay gets under my skin.

The pressure to show love — not from our loved ones — but from society, that’s the part of VDay I despise.

I used to feel a little weird about this and stayed silent on social media during the day. My husband and I would maybe do something or maybe not.

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There aren't specifically special years when we’ve done VDay stuff. It’s not our jam. Apparently, we went out for coffee and alcohol about 12 years ago. This came up over a recent phone call with my dad who’d received an email reminder that he could purchase another gift card for us to use at Hodges Bend. I’m sure we didn’t use the previous gift card on VDay, because neither of us likes crowded bars or restaurants.

I did vaguely recollect sipping evening coffee while David had some fancy mixed drink later in the year at Hodges Bend. The bar was quiet — it was probably a weeknight. That was nice.

Now, I publicly embrace my unease with the proverbial holiday of love. For the last few Valentines, I’ve posted art by Banksy on my social media feeds. The art depicts a woman throwing up hearts. It’s called “Lovesick.” It tickles me to celebrate VDay in this vehemently anti-Valentine’s visual message.

The graffiti artist Banksy appears to share my disdain for Valentines Day consumerism.

Banksy is an anonymous antiauthoritarian English graffiti artist who gained popularity in the 1990s. I consider him to be anti-consumerism and counter-culture as well.

I’m not sure if “Lovesick” was created as an anti-homage to Valentine’s Day, but that’s how I interpret it.

Screw the capitalistic, consumeristic pressure of VDay.

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Many years ago, a boyfriend got me a teddy bear for VDay. I’ve blocked out most of that horrible relationship. He stole the bear for me. That did not make my heart go pitter-patter.

I got him a bottle of booze. He drank way too much. That gift hurt his feelings.

We felt obligated to exchange gifts even though we were broke and clueless what to get each other. Because Valentine's Day.

The societal and marketing pressure on couples to show each other our undying love for one another on Valentine’s Day is bullshit.

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Love changes. It means different things for different people. There is an ebb and flow to it. As couples, we’re all quite unique. Some couples love Valentine's Day--and more power to you.

But, for the rest of us, how about a nice little Anti-Valentine Club for Lovers? We can righteously love each other every day of the year. All year long.

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For myself and my husband, Valentine’s Day feels like another chore to check off the keeping up with the Joneses to-do list. No thanks.

Love is a year-round, whole relationship thing. If you want to celebrate it on a special day, cool.

It doesn’t have to be VDay though.

Mostly, I feel disdain for VDay, but there’s a small part of my gruff heart that knows there’s a place for it.

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I respect the couples who do love to celebrate. My dad and stepmom married on VDay. I hitchhiked for the first (and hopefully last time) that year, so VDay, when I was 12, was pretty memorable. They've been married 30 years now. I don’t have an issue forgetting their anniversary.

It’s fun watching our kids’ faces light up as they go through small goodie bags VDay morning and retrieve a little bit of candy and fun keepsakes. It breaks up the monotony of our freezing winter a little bit, too.

My husband’s birthday is a few days after Valentine’s. At first, this felt like extra pressure. It was a chore to figure out our VDay and then his BDay. Thankfully "gifts" is not high up on either of our love languages. We both top the list with acts of service.

If I really want to brighten my husband's, I’ll do all the laundry, clean the kitchen, sweep, and vacuum (things I don’t do on the regular). If I really, really want to show him my love, I’ll attack my stacks of clutter that drive him bananas.

And, if he really wants to brighten my VDay? He’ll cook amazing food. Lots of amazing food. And, maybe he’ll do a little cleaning, too.

A couple of years ago, I didn’t celebrate VDay besides posting Banksy, but I did go to my first Galentine’s Day party. That was a lot of fun. I hung out with all women friends, talked, laughed, and got decorated with henna for the first time.

My VDay compromise continues to be posting Banksy's lovesick lady to social media and then avoiding the ooey-gooey posts that day.

My husband and I will likely celebrate in our own small way at home.

Possibilities include:

• Getting naked and doing the horizontal tango
• cleaning for each other
• making food for each other and eating at the table
• cuddling and watching shows
• possibly a little champagne, wine or beer — we hardly drink anymore, so that’d be special
• or we may wake up and decide we’re not in the mood for any of that.

The kids will get little treats, but they're starting to be too old to care much about it.

We’ll go with the flow and see how Valentine's Day plays out. No pressure. And, that's the best gift of all. At least for us.

That’s how we roll with Valentine’s Day now and it works for us.

So, talk it over with your significant other. See how you authentically feel. Maybe you'll have a more similar take than you thought. It's possible you could also have a pressure-free VDay.

Or find a good compromise with your googly-eyed, eager Valentine's Day lover.