Safe Spaces Gone Wrong

Safe Spaces were created with the intent that those who normally would feel uncomfortable speaking out or expressing themselves can do so freely without judgment, discrimination, criticism, or harassment. Typically speaking, these people fall into the category of minorities or those whose voices have been historically repressed. People of color, women, LBGT+, etc. These groups of people desired a space in which they could live as themselves and feel safe, but have they become too safe?

There is an argument that safe spaces are dangerous, especially for our youth. It prevents them from developing and growing, for lack of a better term, a thicker skin. The argument isn't that minorities should sit there and put up with being verbally abused and learn to just deal with it. The argument is more about people learning to listen to a cordially agree to disagree with differing opinions. The people that make this argument add that safe spaces already existed, why do we need to create them? Your group of friends is a safe space, your home and family (hopefully) is a safe space, organizations you choose to be a part of should typically be safe spaces. The idea of saying the classroom is not a safe space is implying that people can be ugly and not be reprimanded for it.

Let's look at that statement for a moment, "people can be ugly and not be reprimanded for it." It is an entirely fair and valid argument to acknowledge that there are people in existence, people in positions of power, unfortunately, that will allow that kind of harmful behavior to continue. However, I feel I must paint a picture for you. I have recently begun taking Improv at a local comedy club. I began this class because I wanted to become more confident. I wanted to surround myself with people that I knew would not judge me for the things I said. For lack of a better term, I suppose I wanted a safe space to express myself.

I have grown through two levels with a group of people that I have become extraordinarily fond of. We don't judge each other and we feel comfortable making bold choices around each other. There is a strong level of trust between us. As the levels have progressed, we have slowly had new people join the class. This semester an individual joined who was relatively new to the state of Texas and belonged in the LBGT+ community. From the beginning of the class he was a seemingly kind individual, but within the past week had begun to act oddly. It was easily written off as fatigue or a bad day so nothing much was said. This week, however, he began to act quite confrontational.

Within the first 15 minutes of class, I could feel tension. He had offered me a piece of gum ad when I inquired as to whether or not it had Aspartame in it (which triggers migraines for me) he refused to answer, shoved the gum into my hand, and then was offended that I denied the gum. Following this, he became confrontational with the instructors so I spoke up and informed him (in the most joking manner that I could) that this was a different structure than the last improv club he had attended to which he aggressively asked me if I was the instructor. During an exercise, I repeated a word I had not realized had already been spoken before and the rules of the game were to try not to say the same words. I laughed it off as silly me for not hearing it and made a joke about my "fuzzy brain". Over the laughter, he continued to harass me for repeating the word and said something along about corrections and followed it with a "so fuck you." I can only assume this was not heard.

Throughout the night he continually broke the guidelines that had been given by the instructors, continually challenged the instructors' ability to teach improv, and had clearly made everybody quite uncomfortable. Despite all of this, nobody said anything to him with the exception of a short discussion between him and the instructor in the hallway which apparently had no effect on him. When we returned from break, he continued this behavior. Eventually, he inserted himself into a two-person scene between myself and another class member and again directly told me to fuck off but as "part of the scene".

Not long after this, I attempted to initiate a scene as a photographer. My intention was to feed off of whatever was said to me by the person who chose to join me. Except, nobody joined me...or so I thought. I began to feel an uncomfortable presence behind me and every time I moved to try to see what it was, it followed. I eventually realized it was him, he wasn't saying anything so I turned around in an attempt to engage him in the scene, realized my back was to the audience, tried to cheat towards the audience, and he returned to his position behind me. Feeling unsure how to make a scene out of a partner who refused to speak or stand where I could see him, I called "pause" and asked, "How do I deal with a scene partner who refuses to not stand behind me." The instructor encouraged that I deal with it by addressing exactly how I felt, so I turned around and said, "Hey dude, you're making me kind of uncomfortable."

He then said something along the lines of if he didn't stand behind me then we would both be shot. I informed him that this was just a camera and was not violent, he continued to hide behind me in silence. I turned again and he was far closer than I wanted him to be, taller than me, and hovering which is a position I have a lot of negative experience with. To this, I informed him that I would in fact punch him in the face. In response, he yelled in my face, still in the hovering stance, that this is why I sucked as an assassin. I removed myself from the stage.

All of this proceeded without anything being said for what reason I can only assume was a fear to offend him, make him feel unwelcome, judged, wrong, or called out. Of course, after this incident, he was in fact removed from the class as he had quite a verbally violent response to being informed that he was making people uncomfortable, but, to revisit the statement, he was being very ugly and he was not being reprimanded for it. So if the argument for safe spaces is that people are allowed to be ugly without being reprimanded, what happens when the safe space allows somebody to be ugly without being reprimanded because we've become so afraid of hurting somebodies feelings?

Life is not kind and it never will be. Ugliness will always exist, so yes, you need to learn how to develop a thicker skin. Thick skin doesn't mean you put up with mistreatment and allow people to be hateful, bigoted, or racist. Thick skin means you aren't so debilitated by it that you allow it to continue. You stand up for yourself, you stand up for others, you be the example, you remove it from your life. Accept that ugliness, war, hate, and evil will never be rid of this world and no safe space can protect you from it. At times, safe spaces can harbor it.