Romeo and Juliet and Annoyance

I read this play 3 times in high school for my english classes.

I HATE that I can still recite this s*** word for freaking WORD.

Two households, both alike in dignity

(In fair Verona, where we lay our scene),

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,

Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes

A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life;

Whose misadventured piteous overthrows

Doth with their death bury their parents’ strife.

The fearful passage of their death-marked love

And the continuance of their parents’ rage,

Which, but their children’s end, naught could remove,

Is now the two hours’ traffic of our stage;

The which, if you with patient ears attend,

What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

We’ve all read it. Let’s get that out of the way now, we’ve ALL read this s*** in class, been assigned a part to read for (if you’re a girl, you pine to read for Juliet and if you’re a boy, you don’t usually want to read for Romeo). And if you’re the unlucky ones that got one of the leads, then all your friends would tease you about being a couple even though there is nothing endearing about being a teenager verbally tripping over old english in front of all of your friends who make faces at you trying to mess you up.

The cringe-fest of the era.

I personally, do enjoy reading Shakespeare, I always have. When my aunt was in high school, she’d read me the plays out loud because she said it’d help her with her essays. My mother bought me the huge book of Shakespeare plays that they sell at Barnes & Noble in the pretty cover section when I was about 12 and I still have it. So, myself and all the theater kids could read the lines without tripping.

I hate Romeo and Juliet. I’ve written three 8 page essays on it, I’ve read it out loud in class 3 separate times, I’ve done skits with classmates 3 times, I’ve had to translate the old english into modern speech 3 times. Unfortunately, when you do that for three years in a row, the text gets drilled into your brain and nothing will delete it. NOTHING. So now when I watch Shakespeare in Love (don’t judge me I love it) I cannot stop my mouth from quoting with the characters on screen. That's how bad it is.

It’s entertaining for others to watch me recite those lines angrily, though. I’m just gritting my teeth and practically growling as I quote:

“Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow,

That I shall say good night till it be morrow.”

Blech.

It’s a reflex at this point and I can’t stop it. When you go to the doctor for a physical and they hit your knee with the little hammer to check your reflex? It’s the same thing for me, once someone starts a quote from that play I HAVE to finish it.

Do I know every word by heart? Thankfully, no. But do I know the most iconic parts by heart? Unfortunately, yes.

The three teachers I had that made us read that play, would make us read certain parts over and over again. IT. WAS. TORTURE.

STOP MAKING THE YOUTH READ THIS PLAY.

It's the Tudor era equivalent of Harley Quinn and the Joker; this relationship is toxic af. First of all, it's a 17 year old horn dog boy lusting after a 14 year old girl! PEOPLE. NO. This is a red flag of monumental proportions, first of many.

I know teenagers are exposed to a lot of violence via social media, news, video games, movies, etc. But come on, there are at least 2 violent murders in this play that cause two suicides and end on a low note. Not the vibe I appreciated when I was 15 and reading this play.

Let us not forget Mercutio having a mental breakdown, which is totally glossed over by Romeo wanting to crash the party of his enemy. Mercutio, in my opinion, is the most sane character in the play, ironically. He’s aware that love has consequences, he stays consistent with his character traits, and he calls out people when they’re being stupid. He also has the best lines in the whole play, I often quote him unapologetically:

“By my heel, I care not.”

“Speak but one rhyme and I am satisfied.”

“If love be rough with you, be rough with love.”

Yes, Mercutio is cynical and vulgar, but he is actually the most modern character in the play. He calls out Romeo on his feelings, that he’s just horny and not actually in love. Valid and honest point.

If Romeo truly honored his friendship with Mercutio, he wouldn’t have killed Tybalt; he would’ve broken up with Juliet. Since their ‘love’ is what caused his death in the first place.

But no. People don’t read the play to catch its inconsistencies; they mainly read it because it’s ‘romantic’.

Again, blech.

The play is filled with half-assed actions and pretty words, but other than that it often falls flat on what love could be. What it should be.

What if, when Romeo ran away he took Juliet with him? They could have had their wedding night far away from Verona and it’s bloodied history. They could have had a long and happy life together somewhere else.