Rescue Relationship

We’ve all been there I am sure. I never thought of it as a rescue relationship until someone pointed it out. The abusive relationship before this one made me blind. Never did I think that it would mess me up as bad as it did, but it led me to this next relationship that didn’t last and that I didn’t treat properly. However, it did lead me to the life I am learning and trying to live now for him.

Getting out of an abusive relationship isn’t easy, especially when the abuser sees nothing wrong with their actions but others around you do. My eyes were opened finally, I was able to see that the way I was being treated wasn’t right. Trying to get away wasn’t easy especially with my son. I had met a friend at one of my jobs who really liked me and was willing to help me out. At the time I was living with my grandmother, even she wasn’t able to help me. When I did finally get away, I was followed. Still to this day I watch every corner I go around and look around me outside. You never truly get over those types of relationships. Once I was out I felt pressured to jump right into another relationship, especially since he had helped me escape my abuser. That is when it began.

I’m not one to jump from relationship to relationship, however, after this one I did that a couple times. It wasn’t that the guy was abusive or disrespectful, it just didn’t feel like it fitted. We fought a lot and arguments are normal but not all the time. Started off as a fairy tale relationship, like any relationship in its beginning stages. However, as time went on things began to change. It seemed like at first, I was just nit picking, I would complain about him not spending enough time with me, the trip to Haiti without me and eventually not taking me out or wanting to do things as a family. Now I know he wasn’t my sons father but when I enter into a relationship isn’t alone, I consider myself a packaged deal. Now I’ll start from the beginning of where it all began going wrong.

At first, we lived in a one room apartment. His mother always came first, and I felt like I wasn’t being cared about. After getting out of the abusive relationship, I wasn’t ready for what a, “normal” relationship would be. So, it caught me off guard. Eventually I began complaining about the apartment because I was missing my son who I had to leave behind with my grandmother when everything had exploded from the last relationship. I began looking into going back to school and that was an issue for him. School went by quickly, online courses finished in a few months and then I signed up for another school which again I didn’t receive support like I thought I would. No matter what I did, I felt like I wasn’t doing right. I than after graduating from the second school started working two jobs. I was determined to get my son back instead of just visiting him when I could. So, the apartment situation was always an issue, then it was his mother that had become a problem for me. I am not close with my family, so to be with someone who is was really hard for me. We started looking for apartments, ended up finding one in Worcester since he wouldn’t compromise. I felt abandoned and alone. However, I went with it. I moved my son out here with us and before he was even able to begin school we ended up moving home to Fitchburg. This relationship lasted almost two years. Due to all the issues I was still dealing with, I just couldn’t go on. I felt that it wasn’t the best situation for my son or myself.

As I stated in the beginning, I was never one to bounce from relationship to relationship. However, after leaving this relationship behind I did. I saw guys but never got into a relationship. I began searching for who I am. There was a lot that I needed to work on. Myself was a start. Never did I consider how much I was hurting and how depressed I had been until I wasn’t tied down to anyone. The only words of advice I can share is let your self heal, especially after being in a relationship where you couldn’t be yourself.

Once I was on my own, I began searching for the person I am meant to be. It has been 5 years and yes, I have dated which will lead me to my biggest regretted experience, but I feel much better about myself slowly. I still suffer from time to time with the depression and feeling like the past is haunting me. Overall, I know that if I can survive anything so can anyone else. I made my mistakes in this relationship, yes, I do regret it, but I know that my behavior was wrong as was the other person. Even though the other won’t take responsibility for their actions, I know that I have. I know that it has brought me closer to him and that I can only move forward from here.

So, my advice to those still searching, don’t give up. There is someone out there for you but put yourself first in any relationship because that is the only way it is going to last. You should be evenly yoked together through all you will face. I am alone at this time but as I stated, you will realize why. Keep your head up and stay strong. You don’t need saving, you just need time to heal. Don’t jump in head first.

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