Refilling the soul stitch by stitch.

De-stressing can be a VERY hard thing to do with a very busy life with work, kids, family and trying to spend time with friends and family. It’s even more important when you move 12+ hours away from what was your whole life to start anew and move towards personal goals you’ve had planned for years! Things are finally falling into place but it too adds even more stress. So de-stressing is so much more important because the things I do to de-stress make me feel like myself. It defines me more than words ever could. True to my soul I am a crafter of many things. I sew while watching my favorite TV shows, I create painted canvas or pallets to display for holidays, wreaths and much more. This is woven into my soul and I feel like I am myself more than anything when I do them.

There are so many projects I’ve done, it's always hard to pick just one. I just love to sit down and scroll through Pinterest and gather ideas, plan what materials I’ll need, what the cost of it would be and the time it would take to make it. Yet after a long work week of 40+ hours it’s hard to find any energy to just do them. To just be me. That adds onto the stress in the end which is never good for personal self care.

You see, personal care to me is more than hot baths, going and having a girls day with my bestie, date night with my husband or a fun family outing. It is sitting down with beautiful fabric I just got with a sewing pattern I’ve been dying to do. Around 20+ yards of fabric to make the dress with one of my favorite tv shows or movies playing in the background. I’ve seen them a million times and it makes my soul happy to listen to them as I trim the delicate paper of the pattern. Carefully and lovingly lay out the fabric on the table before pinning that delicate paper to it to cut it out.

It takes so much time but time doesn’t matter once you start. Holding your breath as you make that first cut. Praying to whatever beings out there that you didn’t just ruin that fabric. That you pinned that delicate pattern to the fabric to get the most out of the fabric so you don’t have to run to Jo-Ann’s or your local small business fabric store at the last minute to buy more. Then the excitement sets in as you hear and feel the scissors cut through the fabric like butter. Getting all the fine notches to help line it up to pin later to be stitched on the sewing machine.

More excitement starts to set in and relief that you pinned that pattern right and it didn’t tear as you cut the fabric. Quickly unpinning the fabric from the pattern you gently fold it back up to put it back into its pouch for another time, for another color scheme. Soon you are sitting pinning fabric together, right sides in, looking up at the TV chucking, giggling or whatever to one of the good parts in the show or movie that was on.

Before you know it you’re setting up the sewing machine. I know there are people out there that love cars. Knowing their make and models. That's me with my sewing machine. I have my favorite brand and I know how my machine works with its quirks. Each sewing machine has its own personality but I haven’t named my main sewing machine yet. With it out, plugged in, little light glowing a pale yellow to illuminate the pressure foot and needle; it’s time to grab a scrap piece of the fabric to see how fussy the machine will be this time. To adjust to get that perfect stitch to start sewing.

Now the perfect stitch is set with that fabric, it’s something that you must do each time for you’ll have issues. It was now time to start stitching. If you check the time it will be hours later but it's quiet. Most times it's around midnight about this time for me personally. But that is just how I like it. Everyone asleep and me awake filling my soul stitch by stitch. Putting those carefully pinned pieces of fabric through the machine. Slowly so as not to cause a miss stitch and keep a straight line.

The sound of the TV keeps the calm soul filling movements going with the humm and sound of the needle thumping thru the fabric. Slowly and carefully the garment starts to take its shape. Stopping here and there to do a light try on to make whatever adjustments are needed before the garment is finished. Trimming edges, threads and putting that very annoying zipper to get the end result. The gown is done and it’s time to slip it on to make sure it fits with all the adjustments that were made along the way.

Looking in the mirror in the gown you can feel that pride and excitement that you just made this with your own hands. Most people don’t know how to do this and the pride of being about to wear what you’ve made. The skill in each stitch that would make my grandmother beam with pride as she remembers sitting down with that blonde little five year old girl I used to be. Teaching how to hand stitch little barbie and doll clothes. A favorite pastime with her granddaughters and her grandson.

Just writing how this feels makes my soul fill with joy and miss those times sitting with my grandmother. Planning outfits, shopping for fabric, patterns and the hours we would spend at her house crafting wonderful garments together. These are some of the best memories I have of her. The patience and love she had put into every stitch and the pride in her when we finished a project together. She was a master at this craft and I hope to one day be on her level. I hope to one day teach my own daughter this priceless skill.

Yet with hours passed doing a sewing project, sometimes other soul filling crafts help me refill my soulful cup when I’m stressed. Especially when I don’t have hours to do a sewing project. Sometimes it’s sitting on the couch knitting needles in hand as my husband and roommate play a video game and I just want company as the kids sleep in their beds. Or creating a Valentines day card box with my five year old autistic daughter for a school party.

This is my de-stresser and I try to do it as much as possible. I feel my soul refilling with every stroke of a brush, placement of a sticker, or stitch of a needle. Stitch by stitch becoming who I am again. Stroke by stroke filling my soul back to a state of serenity. Crafting my broken self back into who I am at the core to be who I am for my husband, my daughter, my roommates, their kids and for those around me. So stitch by stitch I make myself complete for those I love.