Reasons Some Friendships End

C.S. Lewis, Christian apologist and Irish novelist best known for The Chronicles of Narnia, once said: “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” Friendship is a relationship borne out of choice as opposed to one that comes naturally with one’s birth (i.e., kinship) and it has become quite prevalent in today’s society to equate the fullness of life to the number of friends. Built on commonality, communications, and confidence in each other, a healthy comradeship brings beauty to one’s existence. However, the loss of any of these building blocks can become the reason for the regrettable ending of friendship.

Camaraderie is usually established on commonality. Whether it is a shared interest, a communal goal, a prevailing circumstance, or a collective experience, the common ground is the spark that ignites a bond between individuals; some bonds deepen into relationships that span ages. Unfortunately, for a few, friendship can meet its early termination because the passing of time can bring growth that leads to divergence from these familiar motivations. For instance, a newly assimilated skill can spawn a passion that is entirely different from the previously shared interest; a recently acquired knowledge can result in veering away from a previously communal goal. Similarly, one’s career advancement can generate a transformation that takes one away from the prevailing circumstance. Sometimes, emotional growth can make one question (or even forget) the significance of the once all-important collective experience. When commonality crumbles, it brings a sense of alienation to the relationship, and the feeling of abandonment develops. The desire to spend time within the friendship dwindles because the need for validation is not being satisfied; this eventually leads to the demise of the relationship. Sad as it may be, but when the common tie is severed, the friendship that it formerly bound together disintegrates with it.

In addition to commonality, a steady communication is another aspect of friendship which is essential for its preservation. The regular conversations among friends provide for the building up of their affinity to each other. It is how they learn of each other’s idiosyncrasies, triumphs, and concerns; this allows for acceptance, commendation, and encouragement to cycle within the relationship. However, it is not always possible to have the regular communication that friendship requires. Without being able to talk regularly and share the developments in each other’s lives, the feeling of being neglected or taken for granted can slowly creep in. When this happens, emotional estrangement can beset the relationship which can further weaken the attachment between friends; eventually, this detachment will make the relationship collapse. In essence, the lack of communications can cause the expiration of friendship.

Last, but not the least, of the components of friendship is confidence in each other. Because trust develops as the friendship deepens, it is generally a good indicator of the level of relationship. It progresses with shared experiences and is often tested by life’s difficult circumstances. Sadly, while most friendships flourish with time because of the growing feeling of security, there are those that are shattered by the weakness of human nature. Whether it is disclosing a secret to people outside the circle of friends, a series of broken promises, the stealing of a prized possession or simple lies that piled up, betrayal can fracture the strongest of relationships. Even after the apparent resolution of problems caused by treachery, there would always be the stain of distrust marring the friendship. When friends cannot trust each other anymore, the relationship becomes burdened by suspicions and could certainly buckle under the pressure of doubt. Friendship is fragile without the solidity that confidence in each other brings.

Despite friendship’s integral role in the human life, there are still understandable causes for its death. The ending of commonality, declining of communications, and the waning of confidence between (and among) friends can ultimately extinguish the valued relationship. Even when these things are virtually restored, the friendship can never be the same again.