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Psychology: in fact, quietly attract a person, is about method

If a lot of things are too hard, too hasty, but will let the effect of the matter itself greatly reduced.

By Buehler BowenPublished 3 years ago 4 min read

If a lot of things are too hard, too hasty, but will let the effect of the matter itself greatly reduced. For example, if we hold a handful of sand in our hand and we want to grab more, but when we close our hand, we find that the sand loses more. For example, we pour a glass of water in the hope that we will drink more when we hold it. Instead, we fill it to the brim and spill it when we make the slightest mistake. This shows that everything has its own development process, not overnight, nor overnight. We should not blindly pursue speed, but step by step. The same is true of love. We like a person, and when we want to get his or her attention, we act in an enthusiastic manner, only to be perceived as abrupt and unpretentious. So psychological research suggests that quietly attracting someone is the way. We need to study each other's likes and dislikes and in psychology, there's the Cole effect, which is a combination of psychological cues and self-cues. Through the study of cole effect, we can find that a person's best friend is in the same and similar state with them in terms of education level, economic condition, social value and so on. When we are with people we are familiar with or interested in, there is a sense of connection and we have many topics in common. And the feeling of mutual integration, mutual absorption and coexistence generated by common topics will make people appreciate themselves more, thus playing a positive reinforcing role. Therefore, this is why it is easier for similar people to form a group, because when people live in such a group, they tend to have a stronger sense of security and belonging. Therefore, if we want to further shorten the distance between two people, we need to strike while the iron is hot. We can study each other's hobbies, we can ask each other's friends, we can also study each other's circle of friends, know each other's interests, and then do corresponding measures. This makes it easier for us to let each other down by being similar. According to official data from an Image Institute in the US, the overall impression a person gives to others is divided into three main components: appearance, personal behavior and words and deeds. Appearance accounted for 55 percent of the study, posture accounted for 38 percent of the way people behaved, and just 7 percent of what they said to each other. That is to say, the first impression between people is particularly important, which will affect the follow-up of two people to a certain extent. The older you get, the more you realize you can judge a book by its cover. A person full of ritual sense, external also naturally clean and neat; A lazy person doesn't make an effort to look sloppy or sloppy. In great Wisdom, Mr Choi said: "The heart is born in the heart. There is no room for a dark heart. A good heart has grace." First impressions tend to judge a person's inner qualities in a short time. A good appearance is not only respect for oneself, but also respect for others. After all, no one in this world is obligated to get to know your interesting soul from a scruffy exterior. Keep your mystery. As the saying goes, you can only talk to someone for three minutes, but you can't throw a heart. If something has no mystery at all, it can be seen at a glance, then it will not have any hidden intellectual appeal and will immediately lose interest. From this point of view, once we have laid the foundation through appearance and proper manner, the next step is to maintain this attraction. The key to staying attractive is to be measured: don't tell your partner everything about yourself. Keep half and half. Don't give away all the information you have about yourself, but let others dig and explore it. British writer Thackeray said: "Sow action, reap habit; Sow habits, reap character; Sow character, reap destiny." After we retain a certain amount of mystery, the other person gradually increases the emotional and time cost to us because they want to get to know us better. Happiness does not fall from the sky, it is the compensation for your hard work, no one can just brilliant, unless it is just a beautiful dream. In other words, love is something we must strive to achieve. Therefore, we need to take reasonable and effective ways to push our love towards the desired direction. The other person will gradually increase our emotional and time costs because they want to get to know us better. Happiness does not fall from the sky, it is the compensation for your hard work, no one can just brilliant, unless it is just a beautiful dream. In other words, love is something we must strive to achieve. Therefore, we need to take reasonable and effective ways to push our love towards the desired direction. The other person will gradually increase our emotional and time costs because they want to get to know us better. Happiness does not fall from the sky, it is the compensation for your hard work, no one can just brilliant, unless it is just a beautiful dream. In other words, love is something we must strive to achieve. Therefore, we need to take reasonable and effective ways to push our love towards the desired direction.

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