Pornography isn't fantasy- you're all cheaters.

Fantasy plays a very important part in defining a persons sexuality. Some people will want to do things in fantasy that they wouldn't want to have lived experiences of. Some people even have different gender attractions only in fantasy, that they do not experience irl, as described in the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.

This is why we cannot attribute pornography to fantasy.

In doing so you are denying those on the other side of the screen the recognition of being anything but an object:

- When cyber bullying happens that's real bullying. You don't turn around to someone who has been bullied online and say they shouldn't feel bad because what happens online isn't real, do you?

- When you attend a zoom call, that's a teleconference you have been part of, despite whether you were a speaker or not.

But when men watch pornograpgy, then hell are they alone! No one is else involved, no sir, no ma'am. Only him and his screen showing a few objects.

In this video below you can see how interactive porn watching actually is, under the prerequisite that you know the other person:

Highly engaging, personal, intrusive.

If you can acknowledge that telephone sex is real sex then you are capable of acknowledging that other forms of digital sex are real sexual experiences.

'It's not the same,' you might intervene 'it's not participatory on both parts, one half is just watching it like a movie they're not performing the act.'

Sorry, cumming to someone's sex tape is interacting with them. Whether you're Barney Stinson and it's your friend Robin's tape (which was Barney's intentions before the twist) or if it is you and a stranger on the screen - you are engaging with them.

So where does that leave your partner? You got it - cheated on. That is, if your marriage/partnership/relationship is monogamous, if you're polyamourous and other people are invited to part take in your sex life, through porn or in other ways, the least you can do is to ensure both sides stand openly for this.

I'm a gen Z and I was horrified to grow up realising how many of my friends' boyfriends go home and stare at other women's pussies after work. I'm furious with the older generation having allowed this to happen. If you genuinely mean to be your partner's and you be theirs, then porn is cheating. If you're a pornwatcher in a relationship, stop pretending you're wholeheartedly dedicated to your someone and start acknowleding how your behaviour erodes foundations of trust.