Online Dating

If your single, most likely you belong to one or more online dating sites. Don't worry, I won't tell. But I bet all that's ever come out of it is lots of conversation and very little dating. With over 40 million Americans using online dating sites, love has become a very marketable business indeed. World wide, China holds the record with 138 million online dating users a year! I'm seeing dollar signs, aren't you? It doesn't matter if you're married, 11% of all online daters are and a staggering 51% are already in a relationship. Only 21% of online daters consider themselves to be truly single. What a great tool for deception!

We create online identities and most of the time what you see in real life is not what the person ends up looking or acting like. Commonly called catfishing, in many cases, this can be a dangerous practice. Creating a misleading or false identity can lead to a potentially dangerous scenario.

When using an online service, creating an identity is crucial in communicating. After all, with face-to-face dating, identity is undeniable. You get what you see. The potential for false identity is virtually void. We have to depend on words to describe ourselves, whereas, with physical dates, we rely on body language, subtle signs that we all recognize and respond to. Height, weight, expressions, and personality are visible and tangible. But the anonymity of the internet can be misleading and leaves the prospective 'date' using his/her imagination, thus opening up new and imaginative ways to 'create' one's self.

On a personal level, I myself have tried several dating sites. I'm going to give you a few examples of some of the characters I've encountered. Now, mind you, I am always honest about my profile. I never lie or try to build myself up because I look at it this way; If you build yourself up into the type of person desirable on every level, of course you're going to arouse interest! But how long can you carry on the conversation without that person wanting to meet you? And say you did meet? Stuff could get weird, even downright dangerous. What if this person traveled a long way to meet the love of their life only to discover an imposter? Things could get downright ugly.

My very first online experience actually traumatized me and I stopped for quite a while. I was just hitting forty-nine-years-old and the internet, for me was an obsession. Divorced for over fifteen years, lonely, I was drawn to the internet dating sites and decided to give them a try. Not quite knowing what to expect, I fulfilled all the profile requirements, sat back and waited. Sure enough, not more than twenty minutes went by and I got a hit. My self-esteem, at this point, raised a notch, and curiously, I answered the little chat box that came up.

"Hi beautiful," the man on the other end greeted and I grinned ear to ear at that, "Do you have a webcam?"

"Yes," I answered, knowing this was the moment of truth for they would see the real me.

"Would you like to see what I look like?"

Excited now, I naively said "yes".

On the edge of my seat in heart-pounding anticipation, I waited for his face to show up on my screen. Only, it wasn't his face that came on, it was another unmentionable part of the male physique that loomed up close and personal. I screamed, almost fell off my chair in my attempt to get as far away from the offending member as I could. I promptly threw my web camera across the room vowing to never use it again. I felt visually raped, at that point, and never accepted another request for a webcam session.

My next experience had me talking with a seemingly nice gentleman from Tennessee. We seemed to have a lot in common; same music, age, likes, etc. As a matter of fact, we moved from internet communication to phone calls just about every night. I learned that he lived with his sister (Um, okaaayy) and, he told me, she did everything for him. Cooked his meals, cleaned his house, did his laundry, and at that point, I was getting a little weirded out. But, being the nice person I am, I dismissed it, thinking well, maybe they're all they have.

Then one evening on one of our nightly calls, he says to me, "Hey! Guess what! I have just about enough money saved up to come up to NY to live!"

Wait a minute! Excuse me? Come again?

"The way I figure," he said enthusiastically, ignoring my shocked silence, "you and I been talking now for over a month, right? I just thought it was time we moved to the next step, don't you? You can take care of me just like my sister does, probably better!"

Whoaaa there, pony! Slow down! Stop the presses! I already raised four kids on my own, honey, and I ain't about to raise a fifty-one-year-old man! No thank you! Check, please! And that was the end of that. After a few more losers, one actually thinking I would be his week-night warrior booty call while he went home to his wife on the weekends. I had a good laugh over that one. Needless to say, I've learned to judge people pretty early on as to not make needless, silly mistakes. Nigerian scams are another thing to look out for. Those silly Nigerians. Do they really think we believe they're building orphanages for motherless children? Get real.

Summary: When it comes to Online Dating, be honest. Be the real you. Be watchful and cautious, because you never know what kind of monsters are out there. Listen to what the other person is not saying, it can give you clues as to their real intentions. Have FUN! Who knows? Maybe you will meet that one special person, the one you've been waiting for forever. As for me, I think my soulmate is on vacation!!