One Day You'll Read This

Hey stranger,

Its been quite some time since I've last seen your face. I honestly thought the image of it would fade away from my mind by now... turns out I was wrong. As soon as I close my eyes, I can see it as if you were right in front of me. These days, I'm not sure if you'll ever be right in front of me again.

The two of us have been in a really bad place this last year and I have to admit, I honestly would've never anticipated how much anger we'd have towards each other. Specially when I look at the little girl we both had a hand in creating. How could we grow so far apart after creating something so beautiful. I probably won't ever understand. The fact of the matter is it doesn't matter what I understand. We are where we are and that's far from a good place. So I'm writing to you again, with the hope that one day, maybe a long time from now, maybe after I'm gone, you'll read this. At least, maybe then you'll know what was going through my mind.

First, I need you to know that you crossed the line with that last stunt. Like for fuck sake, haven't you put me through enough already. It's like you want to swipe me under the rug, as if I never happened. Even with a history riddled with you subjecting me to shit I'd never do to you, that one was a jaw-dropper. My mind can't even grasp how you could paint that kind of picture of me. When you know deep down in your heart your lying to everyone, including yourself. You know dam well that I would NEVER do anything to hurt you or our daughter. You know more than anyone how much I care about both of you. It's like a joke so bad, it's not even funny. The fact that you can completely assault everything I stand for as a man, looks like the person I married is long gone huh?

Another thing I want to know is how you could do this to our daughter. Doesn't she have a right to know her dad or do you just not care? I remember when she was first born, you used to quietly take pictures of me and her together. There was this one photo you posted on Instagram of me and her in her play pen, "my everything" was your caption. Now these days I'm nothing to you but an asshole. Even though you saw for your own eyes how much our little girl meant to me, how much she still means to me... There isn't a doubt in my mind that you'll regret this one day, because the damage your doing will effect our princess the most.

Finally, I wanted to apologize... For pressuring you to do something with your life while you were wasting it away. For proceeding to guard your back while you continued to stab me in mine. For always being honest while you continued to lie straight to my face. I'm sorry for giving up on you too though... For breaking your heart again and again when we were kids... I'm not delusional either, I know before all of the times you intentionally hurt me, there was a time when I hurt you. Believe me when I say, if I could go back in time I would definitely smack the shit out of myself.

I still dream about you every now and then. For some reason it's never long before your hijacking my subconscious. You really need to cut that shit out... It's annoying. There is still so much I want to tell you, maybe in time I will, maybe I'll never get the chance again. Either way I want you to know that even after everything I will always love you. That'll never go away.

Your Daughters Dad,

Cj-