On the Horizon

I saw the ship on the horizon.

I was always told, if you are caught in a rip current, swim with it, never against it.

So, that’s what I did.

And now, I could see my rescue, off in the horizon, a ship. But could they see me? I doubted it. Swim towards it, I thought.

And so, that’s what I did.

I swam out, farther off the coast, in the direction of the ship, over, in the horizon.

Contrary to what you may think, I was not a great swimmer. I had never become a lifeguard, like my forefathers before me. I hung close to the coastline, in most instances. Until today, when I swam out to sea in order to rescue my dog, who had got caught in a rip current.

I too, got swept up in the current, and tossed out to sea.

Where was my dog now?

I did not know. I could not see anything, and the coast was far off and in the distance.

My hope, this ship, over on the horizon.

As I swam towards it, I reflected on my life.

On all the things I had not accomplished. Things I wish I did, but never had the guts to do. Like get married. I was engaged once, but found my fiancé cheating on me with my best friend. It’s incidents like that which make us question love, and whether marriage was worth it.

I wish I had not contracted so much, after that experience. I wish I had not cast aside love. Truth was, I still believed in it.

And I wished that I had taken more risks in my professional life. I always wanted to be a nurse, but settled for life as a teacher, the allure of summers off and the words of my father had pulled me off my course. I once wanted to be a professional poker player, and then a writer.

Still, I often showed up to the blank page without so much as an idea as to what I wanted to say. Maybe, because I wasn’t living my best life, I didn’t have material to write. I wasn’t fully alive.

And now, here I was, at the doors of death, and I wished I had followed my original intention. Was it too late? I did not know. I only saw the ship, off and in the horizon.

My arms and legs were getting tired. The ship did not appear to be getting closer. My dog was nowhere in sight.

I did not know what to do. I made a vow to myself, that I would attend nursing school if I ever got my legs on land again. I would not put it off another day.

And my pup, Justus. I only hoped that I would see his face again. He was a strong swimmer, and maybe he too heard the advice, to swim with the current, like me.

Maybe the boat, off in the horizon, would rescue him as well. This boat, this ship, off in the distance.

Eventually, I wound up on my back, treading water. I was tired.

So tired.

But I pushed myself. The boat, it looked closer. But was it?

Surely, someone from the shore must have called the coast guard.

When Death enters, we are never ready.

I thought about calling my ex-fiancé and telling her I forgave her.

I thought about calling my father and telling him I forgave him. And that I appreciated him.

I thought about my students at school, and how, before I left, I would tell them to pursue their passions, to live their best life.

We only get one chance at it, I would say. Make it your best life.

Life was so vast, and we were so small, but not unimportant. Our lives had meaning, for ourselves and the lives we touched.

Here I was, a tiny speck of the universe, and I was about to be swallowed by the vastness of the sea. How poetic, I thought.

God was so large. So grand. And we were, a droplet in the ocean.

Maybe this was for the best?

I would be reunited with Justus. My Doberman. Unless he made it back. God, I hope he made it back to the shore safely.

If I made it back to shore, I would do everything differently. Isn’t that what happens when people are faced with death at an early age?

The people, they come back, and live life fearlessly. Well, that’s what I would do.

I kept my eyes on the ship as the sun began to fall over Ventnor City. I could not make it out here all night. I had begun to cramp up and decided that I would float, wherever that would take me. Surely someone called the coast guard.

But no one ever came. The sun fell and the colors of the sky turned to twilight. The boat disappeared over the horizon. The cramps took over my legs and moved into my lower back. It was hard to keep my head above water. My thoughts moved from what I would do if I returned, to how I would like to be remembered.

God, I wish I had a pen and paper right now. And a bottle. I would write my story on the page, for anyone to hear. Finally, I would be the writer I dreamed of. The letter in the bottle, it would read:

If you are reading this, know you are important. Like a snowflake, there is not one other like you. The dream in your heart, do it. Chase your dreams. Go after your goals. Breathe fresh air with gratitude. Enjoy your cup of coffee in solitude. Do everything you have ever dreamed of. Be kind and believe in love. Believe in yourself. Believe in your brother, your sister, your friend, and your foe. Live each day in gratitude. Embrace adversity. Life can be hard. Enjoy the ride, and never sacrifice the gift. You are gifted and blessed. God bless.

Then I would put this letter in the bottle, knowing it would reach whoever needed the message most.

As I breathed my last breath above water, I prayed, that even without a pen and paper, someone would get the message.

Life is funny that way. We are all connected. In our hearts and in our minds. If I had one sentence, one message left, it would be chase your dreams. And live life with reckless abandon. O.K., so that’s two sentences but I bet you could make it one.

Chase your dreams, and live life with reckless abandon.