On Love

It consumes you. Whether it’s your own or another's, there is no way to escape the undeniable feeling that is the most desirable to experience. Some people would do absolutely anything to feel and experience just a little piece of the love others are willing to give. The difficulty is in finding not only the feeling but the person.

From the time I was a young girl, I poured myself into books and the lives of the characters they followed. Books about a girl who was struck by lighting and the powers she obtained from that moment on. The boy she fell in love with, tall, muscular, black hair, blue eyes, wearing nothing but jeans, white t-shirts and a leather jacket and riding a motorcycle. I vividly remember my middle school self reading this trilogy and thinking, wow what would it be like to have this be my love story, how lucky can a girl be to have this life. Now, I know they are just books but part of the fun in reading is imagining yourself as the main character and going on the journey with them. That’s what I’ve done with every book I’ve ever read. I’ve read about high school, about World War II, about life and the cliche love stories and every single time, I feel as though I am a part of them. How can you not? Whether it’s a lighthearted pick me up or an intense suspense or dangerous story, I am there, a part of it all, from start to finish. This is where my problem lies. Since that first book I picked up with its first love story I have set my standards for love at an unrealistic level. I’m not stupid, not every man would travel across the country to follow the one he loves, a relationship is not always easy, you won’t constantly be going to new places and taking fun trips, the intense lust that comes with the intiail part of a relationship is not lasting. You go through phases where you can’t live without your person, your other half, your soulmate and then you go through moments where you can’t stand to be with them. But those second moments, they happen, and you’re not always going to want to be physical or be with them all day everyday as a lover, but you’re always going to want them there as a friend. That’s what the books never taught me. They taught me it was all or nothing, you’re either lovers or you’re not. They never taught me that the foundation of the best relationships, the relationships you’re never going to want to end, is friendship. Love is built on more than just looks and being physical, it is built on personalities, how much a person makes you laugh, how deep your conversations can get because you want to share everything with them and because there is no judgement. How your conversations can go from being deep to silly and crazy in the blink of an eye. How they are always there for you and would drive hours just to make sure you’re okay. How they are down to be spontaneous and do something crazy with you no questions asked. How you want them to be happy and can’t imagine your life without them even though you may “hate” them at times or get annoyed, you know you will always love them even if it’s not always as a lover but as a best friend, and so much more. That’s what the books don’t always teach you. You imagine love as some amazing, crazy emotion that is always there physically but it’s not. I know I do. I watch the movies, I read the books, they make me want something that is not possible for everyone to have. They leave me asking “what if?” What if I’m with someone but he’s not my soulmate, they have me constantly looking for something better or someone that has more to offer even if the perfect person is right in front of me.

And when I say “not possible” I don’t mean it literally. My terminology is in reference to the idea that all love is the same and it’s not. Everyone’s story is different. We all need different things from a significant other with relation to support, stability, trust and the other foundations a relationship is built upon. TV makes it seem like everyone’s love should follow the same trend but it shouldn’t. Someone may fall in love after a few weeks while it takes someone else months. Someone may share everything about themselves right off the bat while it takes someone else much longer to open up. Someone may need a break and come back more in love than ever before and ready to take on the relationship, someone else may not have needed a break. Comfort is a process and the timeline it takes someone to get comfortable with another individual varies. My point in saying this is that you do not need to rush into a relationship because you crave something you don’t have… I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and when you meet your person you’ll know. Again, your timeline is unique to you so don’t compare it to others.

For me, I can honestly say I was caught up in an idea of how love should be. All my favorite movies, books, and shows lead me to believe that love has a single definition. But that isn’t the case. Love has 7.6 billion different definitions. And I found my definition or should I say I found my person. I found the man that makes me laugh when I’m down, who listens to me when I talk, who wants to do the things I love with me, who would drive anywhere to see me even if it wasn’t for long (which he has done), who lets me go on about my favorite things even when he’s heard me talk about them a million times before, who never makes me question how he feels, who is honest and kind, someone I can be my obnoxious self with without having to worry about him judging me and so much more. I love him. I love his personality, his corkiness, his determination, his laugh, his optimism, his spontaneousness, and his enthusiasm. But the thing is I almost missed him. Almost. I was so focused on making sure I didn’t miss out on something greater or better that I failed to see that I wouldn’t find anything better and that I didn’t want to. He is my best friend and the first person I think of when something big happens in my life and I almost let the facade the media displays ruin that relationship for me. Take it from me; if you have a feeling where you miss someone so much it hurts, where you can’t wait to explore absolutely any location with them no matter how small, who you want to share everything with, who you can be yourself around and who is your best friend, don’t let them go. Like I said we all have different definitions of love but if you have those feelings then I think you’re pretty darn close. I always liked the phrase, if you love someone let them go and if they come back it’s meant to be. And that worked for me, I needed to let my person go in order for both of us to have personal growth but we came back stronger.

Please, don’t doubt yourself. When you know, you know and no one can tell you otherwise. Love has a foundation and thankfully I was able to take that foundation and find my own definition of love that is perfect for me. I can only hope that everyone else has the ability to do the same.