Notebook

Notebook

It was a cold chilly night when I came across it. It was black as night, smooth as gale the pen propped up on its side. I opened up to the crispiest lined pages this black boy had ever seen. Utter serenity and then it began,

Slavery. Shouts as mommas and babies are ripped apart. Chains on our necks, hands and feet. Slave ships, plantations changing our color. The fear in our eyes. Beaten backs, open wounds, pain , misery and... stillness. What is slavery someone might ask? Slavery is my life. Slavery is me.

I was but a boy. The sound of singing, dancing to our native song. The gathering of cattle. The peace in the air. Mommas kissing babies. Daddies raising sons.

When the screams came. Those screams forever in my mind. War broke out from a native village. My dad looked at me and said ``son run, run now”.” But it was too late. I was ripped from my dad as he went he turned and said “be strong.” I never did see him again. I tried to look for my mom and my dad. I asked, I asked everyone they pointed, “they went that way.”. I tried to run but a woman grabbed me and she said “don't they’ll kill you”. The people ambushed us and put us in rope chains. We were treated like animals taken into a cave and released to eat rice out of the same pot with our hands.

Then white men came. I heard whites eat people like me. I began to tremble. The ship we were transported in carried cargo. I later found out we were the cargo. We were naked and shackled together with several different chains like animals. There were two levels of us. They marked us by sticking hot coals into our flesh later, I found it was so we couldn't be switched. We were scared of getting sick. Some of us got fevers. I don’t know what they did with the dead bodies. The way they look at us, whites think we are inferior to them. The space on the boat was cramped, it was hot and we all sweat uncontrollably, the air was so stuffy and ill contained, it was stifling. We often went to the toilet close by so it smelt like feces. We were brought to the top of the deck to be washed maybe, to keep us clean. We were treated inhumanely.

When we got to the master's property we had to forget our many Gods. The master told us we have one God. If we don't follow him we will burn in hell. They changed our names as if we did not have names. We were split into our families and we were sold like property.

My life looked a lot like “Ding, Ding, Ding” The commander ringing the bell at sunrise. When there are short days we must work in the dark. I wondered why, our skin color is the only thing different from them. We are a bit broader and taller than many but that's for hunting and the way we live well lived. I think I heard a white man say, “we stayed on the plantation for 15 hours today picking cotton. It’s harvesting time,” he said. My back cracked. I wasn't moving fast enough but beaten ain't broken. Cold chilly nights are what we know of beaten backs, open sores. Who would've known that a bounty would claim my life? I was looking out the window with the screams and cries echoing in the back of my mind. It seems like they never go away. Kody got beaten badly today because he spoke to the master, guess that man was having a bad day today. I was broken but a man don’t care about broken property. I could be traded for shekels. I wasn't worth much.

Years went by doing the same old thing. On Saturdays we could plant our farms but by then, I was so tired it was like working for fun but it aint fun.

Mahogany Blue is what her momma called her because she's dark but she shone when her momma had her. My lover Mahogany, we met up at night but one night we were meeting up when I saw it. The master’s son trying to rape her. I forgot what color I was and the punishment. I ran and before I knew I had beaten him to death. We hid the body and we went on our way. “Mahogany I love you” was all this black boy could say. She looked at me with those beautiful eyes and said, “ we gotta go before anyone catches us out here” . I kissed her and went my way as she did.

The next morning nothing changed except the master asked about his son and then said,” that boy gotta gain some sense and stop chasing after them woman.” My eyes lifted and my head almost snapped but God helped me and it didn't. I don't think the master knows that I know what he’s saying. Me and Mahogany stopped seeing each other till they stopped looking for the master's son.

A week later the master came out and said, “I found my son and whoever did this come or else I'll punish all of you”! Everyone looked around and said nothing. He said, “okay fifty lashes for all the men and 30 for all the children,” That's when I stepped forward with Mahogany . The master smirked and slapped me so hard blood drew in my mouth. He said “take the girl we’ll teach him a lesson with her”. They tied my Mahogany up and beat her half dead. They left her arms hanging. They forced me to go back to work with everyone.

That night I knew we had to run or else they would kill us. That's when I saw Mahogany her wounds had been tended to with lemon and spice. They always said “ an alive slave is better than a dead one” yet, they also said “ there's plenty more where that one comes from.” There were about fifty men in there and they were all raping her to make her pay. I wanted to kill them for it but that wouldn't be Christian of me. I waited until they all left. They threw her outside afterwards. Probably thinking she was dead. I went into the master's house quietly very quietly and found a gun they left out and left very quietly. I took Mahogany in my arms and ran faster than I've ever run before. I stayed in the woods and crossed cities, towns out of the public eye. When they came looking for us we sang in our language and others joined in so they wouldn't know which way we were. One man with his dog did see me and God forgive me. I shot them. I saw his eyes bright, his mouth open, he dropped and then nothing. By then Mahogany had some strength and she ran with me. When we came to the end of our strength, we had just found some people who were for the ending of slavery. Later, I found out they were abolitionists. They hid us in a boat and said, “we’re going North” and smiled. Why North I asked? One man smiled and said, “well that's where you’ll find freedom”. I could breathe again.

When I woke I was in a bed and Mahogany stood over me with a friendly woman next to her. She must’ve woken way before me because they don't practice fornication here. I got up and then the woman said,‘“ follow me, act like you have the right to walk in these streets and no one will pay you any mind.” We sat down and she said , “we gotta change your names so no one comes after you.” Mahogany smiled and said, “Torah after my momma”. I said Kody after my friend who had been beaten for asking a question. So, I would never forget the others and the ill will that master's call Christianity. She wrote the names down and smiled and said, “my name is Harriet, Harriet Tubman”. She told us her story and that she worked with the underground railroad to bring slaves to freedom. She told us there was a war going on between the North and the South that had been going on for four years now. Then I remembered some slaves were allowed to fight in the war but my master laughed at that thought. Harriet told us two years into the Civil war her and African Union soldiers went to the Combahee River in South Carolina and freed more than 700 slaves. Wow she was something.

Three months later me and my wife Torah (my Mahogany had grown, changed so much and it was safest for me to call her Torah) Torah was now eight months pregnant. We had jobs, we had food and we were free. Yet, the war raged on. Many were drafted in but because of the horrors that had happened to Torah and because of the baby, they let us keep our peace. The war was almost over. It was going into the fifth year and the North was finally overpowering the South. The Union had gotten a new general, General Ulysses S. Grant and it looked like things were changing for good.

The war was about to end but then it happened. It was a cold bitter day when that man knocked at the door and Helen, our maid answered it. He was white but he said , “ I mean you no harm, I’ve come to see Kody, is it ?“ and tipped his hat looking right at me. I pointed to the far room. I grabbed my gun and followed him. I didn't like what he said after he said Kody as if he knew that wasn't my name. I sat down and he looked at me and said, “you know I'll tell them what you did. You are not free for what you did. Give me the notebook the one you are talking to everyone about. If you give me that book you will be free of everything and everything will be good...Kody, Kody “

Everything began to spin. My notebook was part of me. I never told anyone I had it at first. It was a cold night when I found it. I remembered when I found it. Absolute silence, my bones began to chill, my skin crawled and the nightmare began. I told Torah and once just once my master had caught me writing and took it read some pages laughing, he said silly stupid he used the N word I hated and threw my notebook. I was sure he thought nothing of it but now, now I know. Everything came with a price. Freedom came with a price.

I imagined telling people about slavery and their wonder and disbelief. The bitter tears rolling down. He didn't mind my pain. He pulled out the wanted papers.

“How much is it worth” I asked “$20,000 for all y'all have done $20,000, it’ll be like nothing ever happened” he said. I looked at the wanted papers and it read, “Torah and Kody slaves wanted Reward $20,000”. How had they known our names changed? I wanted to ask but couldn't bring myself to. I looked at the papers again, imagining my boy being a slave.

I sold my soul that day. The plan to end slavery shattered. Never meeting Harriet. The war never happened.

I shook awake in my sweat and in bitter distress with the horror as I realized it wasn’t a dream.