NOT WHAT I THOUGHT

NOT WHAT I THOUGHT

I’ve been warned to stay off Marketplace. Wife. Daughter. My own conscience. There’s just so much stuff there that I find I need. And it’s not like I’m paying full price or anything. I’m just a sucker for a good deal. No fault there right? I’m sure psychologically it’s filling a void in my soul that would otherwise be filled with drugs and booze or hot Krispy Kreme donuts so that used portable grill I bought today goes in the win column as far as I’m concerned. New never used for $15! Right? I mean, yeah, I already got one but who can’t use a second portable grill?

I bought a saw off Marketplace the other day. A Sawbuck compound miter saw. I’m sure you heard me yammering on about it. The Cadillac of saws in the 80’s as one friend put it. And it WAS! In the 80’s. Nowadays, it’s a semi useful relic as it turns out. Bulky, heavy and only sorta accurate. I used it the other day. meh. The blade was dull, like it’s user, but it brought back memories of using it in Maine way back when, working for my father in law on the Wendell’s waterfront home in Blue Hill. For a kid who’d only used a plastic miter box and flimsy hand saw from Pic N Save it was just magic. I loved that saw and I’m glad I finally got one. It’s just….not what I thought. I thought it would be...better.

I went to the dentist today. It’s been a while, like 2 years. X-rays. Exam. A cleaning. My wife found a $99 new patient special so off I went. I always put on a brave face when I get in the chair but really I hate it and am a little bit fearful. But Kaitlin was real nice and explained stuff as she did her thing and boy was her thing thorough! She really got in there. Hygienists are really closet sadists behind a mask. I’m sure of it…

After the initial exam and a lot of humm...ing and ooohh...ing and my my my’s, she sat me up and showed me the xrays. “You’ve got a this and a that and a some of those ..." and used words like cavities and pockets and gum disease. “We need to do a DEEP cleaning”. The DR. came in, poked and prodded and added some 'oh my's' of her own and agreed so Kaitlin dove right in. Dove right in AFTER she explained the cost structure and proceeded to, as it turns out, overwhelm me with a chart and numbers and figures and procedures and the like and maybe she said something about dealer fees and destination charges and under-coating but that parts fuzzy. “Bottom line is you really need the deep cleaning” So I got the works.

After, they dinged me $700 for that deep cleaning. I don’t know where the $99 went but the whole time I’m laying there I’m wondering…"Now did she mean they were charging me $700 TODAY or is the $99 still in play?" It, it turns out, was not. “We’ll see you in 3 months for the next (blah blah. I don’t remember). It’ll be $1200.” Apparently I have an appointment May 25th to get fleeced again. I probably deserve this…

I left the dentist office feeling crushed. Not because of them. They were super professional and probably the best cleaning ever and Kaitlin was the best hygienist I’ve ever had. I felt crushed because on the inside I’m like a small boy who don’t know nothin. I just went along with whatever they had to say ‘cause I didn’t know what to ask. Or how to ask. My mind sorta goes blank and I just nod my head ‘cuz I don’t know how to say no or I don’t want to question or offend somebody. I’m just anybody’s dog who’ll hunt with me. It’s so immature for a 50 something man yet I don’t know how to grow out of it. To be different. To be a mature man. It just leaves me feeling small and insignificant and worth less than most folks and I’m just so disappointed. I'm not of course. I've got worth and value. But sometimes I just don't feel it. Sometimes I just don’t like who I am. Sometimes, I’m just...not what I thought...