Nobody likes a Heartbreaker

I wish toxic men and woman alike understood the short and very long term effects their abuse of any kind impacts their chosen victims life. Maybe that sounds a little over dramatic but when you're dealing with narcissistic individuals or a partner with an abusive pattern then you know my previous statement is almost an understatement. I can't speak for anyone but myself and recently I had an epiphany. Reality check Stephany you're not that special. We all think we're that special one, that one day they're going to miraculously wake up and realize what we're worth, and if they don't stop cheating or lying, or hitting us they're going to loose us. We say to ourselves "of course he's going to treat me better... because I'm worth it" "I'm so good to him". Now I'm not saying you're not worth it and I'm not saying he'll never change but 98.9% of the chances are its not going to happen. Yet we forgive them and we try again and again and cling on to little bit of hope that maybe just maybe they will. Only to have our forgiveness and our hearts and patience taken for granted and our head and emotions to be toyed with one more time. I've been known to love people for lack of a better phrase too hard. I for whatever reason seem to attract very damaged men. I'm very nurturing, I have a heart the size of the ocean that I wear on my sleeve. I want to help everyone and try and save everyone and everything that needs saving. My mother always told me not to let people steal my energy. I still haven't grasped the concept but I'm starting to understand. You can't save or help anyone that doesn't want to be helped, they tend to pull you down with them. I'm a bit naive and often in denial of my reality. I choose to see the good in everyone and this has gotten me hurt time and time again. When I fall in love I love at an unhealthy level. I put all my self worth into my partner. Their opinion of me is the one that matters the most. So when someone says they love me but then cheats on me things become a bit confusing. When I'm giving my all to someone, when I'm loving, caring, giving, patient, forgiving, and understanding... among many other things and in return I'm being hit and lied to, when I'm being left and my belongings are being stolen I question myself. Why am I not good enough... I know what is going on in most people's head. It's obvious. Don't be stupid. He doesn't love you. That's the thing... Maybe he doesn't but I love him. He made me love him. For the first year they're too good to be true. They're perfect and little by little the toxic behavior and abuse starts. Bob Marley said "The biggest coward of a man is the one to awaken the love of a woman with no real intention of loving her." When the one person you love with all your heart mistreats you it's devastating. You literally physically feel your heart hurting. It's the most hopeless and helpless feeling in the world when you try to make them understand and they don't get it or don't even care. There's times you'd rather be dead then feel that kind of heartbreak... that kind of hurt. Pain and betrayal like that can change people. It can start a domino effect. It can cause someone their life. It can make someone crazy, or promiscuous. It doesn't cost anything to be good to people. Be mindful of your actions because they can have real life consequences and impact someone's life in ways you wouldn't think. Love is powerful. Be mindful as well of the hands you put your heart in. It's a very vulnerable position and not many people are going to care for it the way it deserves to be cared for.