NEVER LOOK PAST

A boat load of asterisk worthy words fell out of the normally calm and peaceably minded, Ben's mouth as he threw his apron to the ground and gave it a few stomps for good measure. In the background, the grizzly and bellowing voice of the cook echoed through the door and spilled into the alley, "and don't ever come back"! Ben could almost hear the splash in surround sound as he felt his heart fall into the pit of his stomach. This is the third job this month that I lost. "I feel so worthless", were the words that he muttered after this thought.

Ben is fresh out of high school and very inexperienced in any facet of adulting. He lost his parents in an accident when he was 14 years old. From 14 to 18 he was cared for in a group home. The group home was not much more than a revolving door for exponential government grants as far as he was concerned. They taught him how to do dishes, take out the trash, and to shut up and listen. This did not help him with his current adulting issues.

At this point, he is homeless and slipping in and out of shelters mostly for rest and showers. Ben is a blessing in the shelter staffs eyes though. He is very helpful around the shelter, especially with the dishes and trash. The staff always wonder how he remains so cheerful and wears a constant smile, even while telling them about how he lost another job. It is definitely his upbeat spirit that makes him so likeable and fills his life with friends and acquaintances. This is how his friend, Christof, who happened to witness Bens out of character episode, as the drama unfolded, had crossed paths and became friends with him.

At about the exact moment his apron hit the ground Ben heard Christoff shout, "Hey Ben, come on over here for a minute". Ben looked up towards him with the tell-tell signs of embarrassment, two flushed cheeks that were as bright as Rudolph's nose. Looking at the ground, he slump stepped his way over to Christof, while being apologetic about his little outburst. Christof replied "no worries, son, we all have great days". Ben sat on the milk crate, that had been set out for him, and contemplated Christof's use of "great days" because it was obvious that he wasn't having a great day.

"I know what your thinking, I said great days and you don't get that", said Christof. Ben nodded in agreement. Christof went on to explain, "all experiences are great, son, because they all have something positive to teach us. You see, we don't always enjoy, like, or love the experience but we have to appreciate the lessons we get to take away from them and that's why I said great "! Ben had never seen it that way before, so he thanked Christof for the wisdom, Then said, "I knew the cook was mean before I took the job, and he made me more miserable than being broke. Today my lesson must be to not accept a job that doesn't add to my life in a positive way." Christof nodded with a chuckle and said "that's why I like you, son, because you get it and not many people get it".

Christof pointed to a loose brick behind the downspout of the building next to his makeshift home and said, "because you get it son, there is something for you behind that there brick". Ben was about to say what brick, but quickly noticed the discolored brick that was missing most of the mortar. Then Christof said, "but you can't have it until I no longer need it". Ben sat there silently with a blank stare on his face. Christof went on to explain that just before he met ben he was found passed out on the street and was rushed to the hospital. At the hospital he had learned that there was a cancerous tumor in his brain. Bens eyes began to water a little as Christof continued. The tumor was inoperable and it was unlikely that he would live longer than a few months. The unfortunate part was that he was nearing the end of the third month. Then, Christof placed his hand on Bens shoulder and said, "I've had a wonderful life, even if it doesn't look like it, and would never wish to live it any other way. I am afraid I may only have a few days left and I would be disappointed to see my lifes work fade away with me".

Christof pulled what looked like a diary out of his satchel and set it on his lap. He then said, "in this simple, little, scribble holding, black book I have placed some of my inner most thoughts, contemplations, and the summations that have become of them. There are no friends or relatives to leave behind, but I have met you and your generosity and wonderful spirit have given me a great joy in the past weeks. You have brought me food, that I know was half of your only meal for the day, and have kept me company in my last days. Because of this, you will be all I leave behind and with you I wish to leave my wisdoms to help you navigate your future and I leave the contents held behind that brick to help you in your travels".

At this point the tears from Bens eyes where a flowing stream of sadness. Christof smiled softly and leaned into a comforting embrace with Ben. When Ben began to calm down, Christoff leaned back and Ben wiped his teary eyes. When he looked down, Ben saw that Christof had placed the little, black, leather bound book in his lap. He held it tight with both hands and said "I will miss you dearly, but you will always be with me now that I have you in what I am sure are truly wonderous words. I will be here every day until we must part, because the best of you is here, with me now". Christof, a little teary eyed himself now, leaned in with a smirk and said, "If you could work as well as you can speak and touch hearts, we may have never met". The two of them stood up and hugged. They made plans to meet at Christof's abode for a dinner from the pot sticker cart around the corner, and Ben headed home.

The next day Ben was sad and excited at the same time. He woke up and went through his normal, voluntary chores in the shelter. He was watching the clock on the walls and never thought once about the job he just lost. Finally, the clock hit 4:00P.M. and he said goodbye to the staff and headed on his way to the pot stickers cart. He didn't have much money left, but it was worth it. He ordered a combo platter for two and two cokes. The smell of the food rising straight into his nostrils was causing his stomach to growl and his mouth to water. When he turned the corner, his heart felt as shattered as a crystal thrusted into a concrete wall. There was a vehicle parked near Christof's makeshift home bearing a sign that read "COUNTY CORONER".

He was able to ascertain from the coroner that it was Christof being loaded in the back of the vehicle. With tears streaming down his face, Ben watched as his friend vanished into the city forever. he sat there quietly for a while and stared at the meal, until the words crossed his mind " we all have great days". This warmed his heart and opened his mind to see this in a better light. It also helped him open the pot stickers knowing that Christof would be eating them if the coin was flipped.

While he was overstuffing himself with both portions of the succulent pot stickers, he set his gaze on the discolored brick with thoughts of curiosity flowing through his mind. When he finished, he cleaned up his mess and walked over to the brick. He nervously looked around as he reached for the brick and began to wiggle it out of its space. Behind the brick was an ornate, cast iron lock box. Ben removed the lock box, replaced the brick, and decided to head to the shelter where he had left his things today. He thought it would be wise to open it somewhere safe.

The phrase, "curiosity killed the cat", failed to slow down the curiosity that spun rapidly in Ben's mind as he entered his semi-private bunk space. He sat on his bed and set the lock box in his lap. As he began to examine it, he immediately he noticed that it had a keyhole. Ben sat the lock box on the bed and reached in his pack for the little black book, while thinking that it was where the key had to be. He untied the straps that held it shut and opened the little black book. Christof's writing was not scribbles, he thought, as he fingered through the pages of neatly flowing cursive. Between the back cover and the last page he had found the key under a piece of wide scotch tape. He slid the key out and turned his attentions back to the lock box.

Ben was anxious to learn more about his friend. He thought there might be old pictures and newspaper clippings or even some old love letters. He also thought about Christof's words, " to help you in your travels". He wondered what this meant because one would think money, but he was homeless, how could it be money?

Ben slid the key into the lock and turned it slowly until he heard the clicking sound of the locking mechanism. He placed one hand on each side and opened it slowly with sweaty hands as if he was afraid of the contents. When it opened, there was a letter with his name on it "BEN". Ben removed the letter to reveal a bag, a brown paper bag neatly wrapped around what looked like money. He set the letter down and unwrapped the contents of the bag. Ben gasped, it was full of one hundred dollar bills. There were two stacks and each one was wrapped with a band that read $10,000. He was overwhelmed and shocked as he quickly put the cash back into the bag and the bag back into the lock box. He then closed the lock box with a sigh, as he felt the weight of homelessness disappear and began to open the letter anxiously.

Ben unfolded the letter and chuckled a little as it began in Christof's standard greeting, "My son". Christof's words are as follows:

My son, there are few words to describe what you must be feeling at this time and I am not with you to answer all of your questions. You, young man, have left an impression on me that few have ever matched. In a mere few weeks your love for others, you genuineness, your kindness, your jolly spirit, and your willingness to befriend a stranger who needed you to happen more than you will ever know, led me to leave you with my small legacy. You hold in your hands, my entire lifes lessons in one little black book. Please continue to be the wonderful you that I know and learn from my wisdoms and share them with the world. Also, I have left you $20,000 to help you gain a foothold in this world and help you build on the greatness that I have already witnessed in you. With this small sum of wisdoms and money, I wish you the best in this life, my son, my friend.

P.S.

Before you do anything else, please seek some job training so you don't kill anymore aprons with your whimsical cockroach, stomp dance. :)